amythan Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Hi - I am almost ashamed. I have never done so many mistakes is my life. I met him at work, we date for five months and everything went way too fast despite the agreement to kept it casual. In september he suddenly changed his behaviour saying that he cannot see things straight. First mistake: At this point I should dump him. But I was really in love with him. We continue to talk but the situation was unclear and i started to feel insecure as I never knew what he wants and I start to feel that everything should be done on his terms. We met again (we live in different countries btw) and of course we slept together. We had a great time but I sensed something wrong. The day ater we ask to make plans to go somewhere during the xmas time. I said yes and then the nightmare started. He never come back with a real plan and when I finally asked he gave the busy line. At the end he said he cannot take any day off. I was so upset - mainly with myself because I know that people honestly interested to not treat you this way - that I told him what i thought. Reply: I am ridiculous, nagging and silly. What would be the point for him of telling me about the plans if he was not serious and blah blah .. We so good friends and so on. I knew the was not right but I apologize anyway - Second mistake. We never talk on the phone so small arguments that can be sort out in a second just go forever. And when he is not happy he ignores me. During the holidays he was all the time asking about me, my life .. so he shows a real interest in me. This is he confusing bit. If I do not contact him he texts me. Yesterday I texted him and he said he was thinking of me. Then I tried to make plans with him and he was not replying to my question but asking me about my life. We had a huge argument where I told him that I do not understand why he is not clear about what he wants but i do not think friends behave this way. He insulted me and never reply back. Both of us handled this situation very badly. He should be upfront specially when I asked but he preferred to string me along to have sex at his leisure. I should stop talking to him when I stop getting what I wanted. But I preferred to stick around and as I was hurt and insecure he was bothered. Th funny thing is that I do not care about him at all. I saw things of him that turned me off. But I am sad that something which was important to me turned this way. And I feel ashamed with my behaviour. But it was impossible to stay friends, wasn't it ?
dave22 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Sounds like this was getting way to complicated. So, yeah, being friends was likely pretty much impossible at that point. I think it only works to be friends if your relationship was more like a friendship anyways. Which is the situation I am in right now, myself.
eparker Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Hi! Amythan, I admired of your attitude that you recognized and admitted the mistake you have done as you stated. It's a normal things to feel, all of us has emotion. I agree with Dave that your friendship is not complicated because of the attention and expectation you have for each other, i can say it is more than friendship. I had one question to you: (please don't be offend) Is he married? Because i experience, falling in love to a friend of mine - who is working on the other state. Our friendship also has little similarity with you have now. After many broken promises he made to me like spending summer vacation together, having dinner to our anniversary, many more... that situation awaken me, and search the marriage record just to find out that he is married. He didn't told it to me but i found it by investigating why he acts like that. Well, i know that this is not your concern, i just want to share my story to you.
Author amythan Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 It is true that it is getting way too complicated. Both of us we made mistakes but I think the real problem is "expectations". I was clearly demanding and insecure mainly because he disappeared once. I am a secure person but his behaviour got the best of me. He does not care about me and I was putting too much effort on something which was clearly not worth it. If he really cares he will call me to have a real conversation, he would reply to my emails when he promised, and he would follow up our ongoing plans. But he prefers to ignore me or insult me. On the other hand he asks about my things and contacts me if i don't, but now I realize that this does not take so much time and he can sleep with me when I am around. And this is not what friends do. Anyway I do not care. Suddenly I realized that even if I made mistakes if he was interested he would had tried to reassure me. He is really not worth it. And well, he is not married but he has a girlfriend.
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