psadvocate Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I've been dating a new guy for a couple months who admitted to me while he was in college, he got extremely drunk after being dumped by his girlfriend, and went home with a guy and exchanged oral sex. He was open about it, said it only happened once and says he is NOT gay or bi sexual. Is this something I should worry about?
Knittress Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Well, he's not 100% straight - but then again, who is? If you're worried about him seeing guys on the side then know that 'liar' and 'cheater' is a separate issue than his orientation. If you're worried that he's a closet case that's going to spring "I'm actually gaaaaaaaaaay" on you after several years invested in the relationship, the fact that he told you about it up front makes it seem less likely that he's repressing anything. If you want guarantees though, there are none - with anybody.
welikeincrowds Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 No, probably not. People experiment, and sometimes, in moments of hurt, confusion, or insecurity, people might look to affection from the same sex, even when (or particularly because) they don't identify as being homosexual. You might get a bunch of responses from the Hetero Defense Force who are apparently disgusted at the thought and will tell you he must be a faggot. Don't listen to that. Just keep an eye out for all the normal red flags, etc. All this said, if you can't reconcile within yourself to accept this part of his past, then that's a different issue, and it's a deal-breaker.
tb24 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Well some people need to grow up. Seriously the double standard in our society is ridiculous. Girl: I messed around with another girl when I was younger Guy: Wow that's so hot Guy: I messed around with another guy when I was younger Girl: Er... ok.... Are you gay?
Author psadvocate Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 I have to say...you have all made me feel 100% better, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders...I'm crazy about him, but very scared it could mean something more. Thanks for the advice
Jazzari Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 "When he was in college". How long ago was that?
Author psadvocate Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 I believe that experience was 7 or 8 years ago now
Feelin Frisky Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 What kind of jackass tells his new g/f that kind of thing? If it was no big whoop to him and it will never happen again, he should know enough to make it a non-issue. But he didn't. Did he? That's the problem here. Like most other straight men I find the act distasteful and it wouldn't occur to me to do that in a million years. But I'm not everyone and I can't judge people for being who they are. If this guy went so far as to disclose this, it probably is a lot bigger thing than he's trying to paint it. I can't say what a jerk for sucking another guy off but I can say what a jerk for spilling this to a new g/f (unless he's testing the waters for a bi-sexual-based relationship where you give him permission to indulge himself).
kdark Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 What kind of jackass tells his new g/f that kind of thing? If it was no big whoop to him and it will never happen again, he should know enough to make it a non-issue. But he didn't. Did he? That's the problem here. Like most other straight men I find the act distasteful and it wouldn't occur to me to do that in a million years. But I'm not everyone and I can't judge people for being who they are. If this guy went so far as to disclose this, it probably is a lot bigger thing than he's trying to paint it. I can't say what a jerk for sucking another guy off but I can say what a jerk for spilling this to a new g/f (unless he's testing the waters for a bi-sexual-based relationship where you give him permission to indulge himself). If the subject of past partners, bisexuality, or homosexuality comes up and it really is no big deal to him, then why wouldn't he tell her about it? But if he just randomly says out of the blue that he sucked off and got sucked off by another dude, then yeah, that's a little off.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 If the subject of past partners, bisexuality, or homosexuality comes up and it really is no big deal to him, then why wouldn't he tell her about it? But if he just randomly says out of the blue that he sucked off and got sucked off by another dude, then yeah, that's a little off. OK. Fair enough. I just don't know that they had "that" conversation.
SunsetRed Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I agree with the poster who said he might be testing the water in terms of how you'd respond to his revealation. If you seem accepting of what he's done, he may tell you about a few other times where he experimented. Later if he does turn out to be gay or bi, you can't say he didn't warn you. I honestly have no prejudices towards anyone who is gay or bi, but being with a man who is, puts one at risk for HIV. That'd be the main thing I'd be concerned about. I also admit to being insecure, in that if a man told me he was bi, I'd always wonder if I was enough for him. If he's craving T&A, I've got that to give him but if he's craving d*ck, then I can't meet that need. LOL, although I suppose I could always wear a strap on, but if a guy I'm with wants me to wear a strap on, then I'm running for the door!
northern_sky Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Yellow, possibly orange flag. I'd definitely be concerned if a new bf told me this, because ime straight guys rarely experiment with the same sex, especially past their teens, and bisexual men tend to lean gay. I'm not saying he is gay or bisexual, but it's a definite possibility.
SunsetRed Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 "If this guy went so far as to disclose this, it probably is a lot bigger thing than he's trying to paint it." To quote Feelin Frisky, I'd say I agree. There's something up with him revealing that to you so soon. I'd make him get an HIV test before you sleep with him. I'd be willing to bet he's had more that one experience.
alexlakeman Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 What kind of jackass tells his new g/f that kind of thing? ..... but I can say what a jerk for spilling this to a new g/f (unless he's testing the waters for a bi-sexual-based relationship where you give him permission to indulge himself). That's what I was thinking.. You have to be honest to your new potential s/o, but within reason and limits, you know... I have to say...you have all made me feel 100% better, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders...I'm crazy about him, but very scared it could mean something more. Thanks for the advice I sincerely hope he does make you happy.. Don't let any of us judge you or sway your decision..even though we all have online PhD's in Relationship Psychology, lol... Take it all as a grain of salt... AND, you might NOT want to share that info with any of your real life friends.. The guy shared it with YOU, ONLY you... so I am sure he doesn't want every and their mother to know... Seriously the double standard in our society is ridiculous. Can you imagine going out to happy hour , and a couple guys at the bar, saying "hey I have go go to the bathroom, wanna come?".. YEAH, double standard, that's life and that is society... OR, girls get dressed together all the time when the go out, you know at friends' house, or talk about their period or their breasts... You will NOT hear two guys talking about their new underwear or asking each other before they go out, "does this make me fat"? LOL, yeah, that's life, unless they are gay.. double standard? yeah... Girl: I messed around with another girl when I was younger Guy: Wow that's so hot See my avatar for any further clarification Guy: I messed around with another guy when I was younger Girl: Er... ok.... Are you gay? NO, I'd say, "man, what a fag or if in Spanish, "mira el maricon ese" OR "tremenda sherna".... LOL
kdark Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I wouldn't think it that big of a deal at all if I heard that a hetero friend of mine went home drunk with a guy and fooled around with him. I'd actually think that's pretty damn cool. What's wrong with a little experimentation here and there? Women are allowed to do it, so why not men? But I'm a straight guy who spend more time hanging out in gay bars than straight bars, so I guess that's to be expected.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I wouldn't think it that big of a deal at all if I heard that a hetero friend of mine went home drunk with a guy and fooled around with him. I'd actually think that's pretty damn cool. What's wrong with a little experimentation here and there? Women are allowed to do it, so why not men? But I'm a straight guy who spend more time hanging out in gay bars than straight bars, so I guess that's to be expected. Yuh, keep telling yourself whatever.
alexlakeman Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I wouldn't think it that big of a deal at all if I heard that a hetero friend of mine went home drunk with a guy and fooled around with him. I'd actually think that's pretty damn cool. What's wrong with a little experimentation here and there? Women are allowed to do it, so why not men? But I'm a straight guy who spend more time hanging out in gay bars than straight bars, so I guess that's to be expected. Dude, or Dudette, you are in the closet... come out, show your pride, lol... 1. Not gay, but you hang out at gay bars? ok... sure.. 2. "pretty damn cool"? F)ck what????! Man, if I am out with my buddies and one of them tells me that, I am NOT going to say "man, that's pretty damn cool... " ... Ughhh Like they say, "if it walks like a duck and it sounds like a duck...." I'll let you fill in the blanks.. Nothing "wrong" with it?? LOL, You are in the wrong board...
youngskywalker Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) Do whatever you want. I'm not bashing anyone. BUT! I wouldn't smoke a bone if I had a gun held to my head. That's just me. I think I'm the definition of "not gay". The guy you're seeing is on the fence about being attracted to other men. Take it or leave it. It is what it is. Don't try to fool yourself on this one. He's iffy to say the least. Edited January 9, 2011 by youngskywalker
alexlakeman Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 BUT! I wouldn't smoke a bone if I had a gun held to my head. I Love that statement, lol, perfectly said!! LOL
catgotyourtongue Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I agree with the poster who said he might be testing the water in terms of how you'd respond to his revealation. If you seem accepting of what he's done, he may tell you about a few other times where he experimented. Later if he does turn out to be gay or bi, you can't say he didn't warn you. I honestly have no prejudices towards anyone who is gay or bi, but being with a man who is, puts one at risk for HIV. That'd be the main thing I'd be concerned about. I also admit to being insecure, in that if a man told me he was bi, I'd always wonder if I was enough for him. If he's craving T&A, I've got that to give him but if he's craving d*ck, then I can't meet that need. LOL, although I suppose I could always wear a strap on, but if a guy I'm with wants me to wear a strap on, then I'm running for the door! 100% agree and feel same exact way, exactly. AND I am very liberal, lots of gay friends, but still can't compete with a dic* and would worry about him going back out there...etc. Yellow, possibly orange flag. I'd definitely be concerned if a new bf told me this, because ime straight guys rarely experiment with the same sex, especially past their teens, and bisexual men tend to lean gay. I'm not saying he is gay or bisexual, but it's a definite possibility. I agree with this post too. I just believe this in my mind. I have no facts, but I often say just what NS said when this subject comes up in life, conversation.
Chitowngirl Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I've been dating a new guy for a couple months who admitted to me while he was in college, he got extremely drunk after being dumped by his girlfriend, and went home with a guy and exchanged oral sex. He was open about it, said it only happened once and says he is NOT gay or bi sexual. Is this something I should worry about? Yup. He is not straight. I've been there, done that, with my ex fiance. Never again. If a guy has touched Peen in any way....NO THANKS. I want straight and no worries of him butt fing a dude while we are married and have kids. NO that is my biggest nightmare because who knows what diseases he can give you. He can KILL YOU with his embarassment of being bi/gay. He can give you aids if he's on the down low. You need an honest partner. Honest honest honest.
welikeincrowds Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Yup. He is not straight. I've been there, done that, with my ex fiance. Never again. If a guy has touched Peen in any way....NO THANKS. I want straight and no worries of him butt fing a dude while we are married and have kids. NO that is my biggest nightmare because who knows what diseases he can give you. He can KILL YOU with his embarassment of being bi/gay. He can give you aids if he's on the down low. You need an honest partner. Honest honest honest. I am sorry to hear that you've been a victim of cheating. It must have been very difficult, especially having been his fiance.
kdark Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Dude, or Dudette, you are in the closet... come out, show your pride, lol... 1. Not gay, but you hang out at gay bars? ok... sure.. 2. "pretty damn cool"? F)ck what????! Man, if I am out with my buddies and one of them tells me that, I am NOT going to say "man, that's pretty damn cool... " ... Ughhh Like they say, "if it walks like a duck and it sounds like a duck...." I'll let you fill in the blanks.. Nothing "wrong" with it?? LOL, You are in the wrong board... Have you ever been in a gay bar? It's so much more fun and interesting than a straight bar. I only go with my gay brother, and I always have a much better time than at a straight bar. I don't go to bars usually, so when I go, it's usually a gay bar my brother wants to go to. And yeah, if my friend said to me that he went home drunk and sucked off a guy, I would think that it was pretty damn cool that he has the balls to admit something like that, and I wouldn't think less of him. Having a brother who is gay has really changed the way I look at homosexuals and heterosexuals.
SunsetRed Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I'm sorry, but I just couldn't date a guy who's swallowed cum.
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