TenAlps Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Any thoughts would be great. I was in a relationship for a year and a half, and they left me just a couple of days after Christmas - giving me no reason other than that they didn't love me in the same way they did. My ex partner had recently got a new job and for the first time met a load of new friends to socialise with, I can only guess that there was a case of 'the grass is greener' and these new friends (known for less than a month) seemed to offer some exciting lifestyle rather than the caring, loving relationship I was in, and my ex felt they wanted to go experience life without me. I just find it so tough. I hope one day they realise what they had with me. The whole thing just happened shockingly quickly - it went from something so great to nothing in the matter of a couple of weeks, even though we had always talked about getting older together. Did my ex just want to go live a bit because he wasn't ready for a long long term relationship, and hadn't had the normal teenage time of lots of friends and going out and getting drunk? (not that I ever stopped him going). Any advice for coping with this type of break up? Why did my ex feel he had to leave me? I am 24, ex is 18. Thanks.
carhill Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 No contact is a great coping mechanism. It facilitates healing and a balancing of ones emotions and perspective. Young people are exploring and learning and discovering themselves. Sometimes relationships are a casualty of that process. At your ages, especially with the man being so young, such potentials are likely. You're in different places in your lives. In the case of your BF, it's not so much that love died in a couple weeks, it's more that mature love was never there. He hadn't developed emotionally enough for that kind of bonding. The good news is there is no shortage of men your age. Once you're healed, and I do recommend being alone for awhile, you'll have no trouble meeting and enjoying the company of another young man. Welcome to LS
Author TenAlps Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 No contact is a great coping mechanism. It facilitates healing and a balancing of ones emotions and perspective. Young people are exploring and learning and discovering themselves. Sometimes relationships are a casualty of that process. At your ages, especially with the man being so young, such potentials are likely. You're in different places in your lives. In the case of your BF, it's not so much that love died in a couple weeks, it's more that mature love was never there. He hadn't developed emotionally enough for that kind of bonding. The good news is there is no shortage of men your age. Once you're healed, and I do recommend being alone for awhile, you'll have no trouble meeting and enjoying the company of another young man. Welcome to LS Thanks for the advice and the welcome. He did say to me 'I know I won't find anyone else like you' and 'I always want you in my life' when he left. I always made sure I did everything I could to support him and do everything possible to help him achieve his dreams. (from helping him every week with his evening-class work to encouraging he could achieve the career of his dreams) I also paid for almost everything (which didn't bother me because of his current financial situation). He also doesn't get on well with his family, so doesn't really have them for support. Do you think he will ever look back on this relationship when he has matured emotionally and realise what he had? Will being friends with him at some point in the future be a good thing? Thank you.
donovant91 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I can relate to your situation TenAlps. I was with a girl for 5 years, and she recently broke up with me for another guy (Im 19 shes 20). She just basically said she doesn't love me anymore and she looks at me more as a friend, along with a lot of other things that hurt. The thing is that you can love them with all your heart, have all these plans for the future with them, but your partners consciousness can be changing drastically with age. It takes two to tango. All you can do to help the healing is know that you did everything you could and learn from this experience. He will eventually look back at your relationship when hes ready and realize the mistake he made. I tried being friends with my ex. It helped speed up me getting over her and examining her logic. In the end though, I was sick of always hearing about her new boyfriend. Your ex probably lacks their own identity like mine did, and if you don't know who you are you certainly can't understand who other people are.
Author TenAlps Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 I can relate to your situation TenAlps. I was with a girl for 5 years, and she recently broke up with me for another guy (Im 19 shes 20). She just basically said she doesn't love me anymore and she looks at me more as a friend, along with a lot of other things that hurt. The thing is that you can love them with all your heart, have all these plans for the future with them, but your partners consciousness can be changing drastically with age. It takes two to tango. All you can do to help the healing is know that you did everything you could and learn from this experience. He will eventually look back at your relationship when hes ready and realize the mistake he made. I tried being friends with my ex. It helped speed up me getting over her and examining her logic. In the end though, I was sick of always hearing about her new boyfriend. Your ex probably lacks their own identity like mine did, and if you don't know who you are you certainly can't understand who other people are. Thank you for your reply. It makes a lot of sense. I have a feeling that my ex and your gf were swept away by the initial flurry of a new relationship, with all the excitement and new feelings, however they were not ready to move into what I think is the best bit of a relationship - the long lasting love which is like a partnership where you can both stand together always.
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