After a certain age is finding someone going to mean stealing a spouse?

January 8, 2011

One was bossy, demanding, ungiving. The other lied and stole, takes advantage of almost everyone in her life. And no, he didn't see or know this at the beginning of the relationships.

Divorce would have been expensive.

He seems to be quite relieved that they are out of his life as much as physically possible, but still affected by the financial fallout.. But not nearly as much as would be with a divorce.

January 8, 2011

That's precisely what I'm worried about. I have no problem with the idea that I may have to take responsibility for another man's child.

What I really don't like is the idea that I will have to go the extra mile to not only form a bond with a woman... but to break an old bond or two. Like you said even when a person is divorced... all that time they shared...leaves them bonded to the other person in a way.

Well if it's any consolation, we exist, and we're worried about the same things as you.

January 8, 2011

I am 30 going on 31. It just occurred to me that most people these days get married in their late 20's and early 30's. If I am single into my 30's is finding someone going to mean stealing someone's wife, dealing with all the baggage of an EX H and kids and all that?

The rule up to this age seems to be to simply stay away from anyone who's even involved seriously in a relationship. However as I look around at my options... all of them are involved with someone else on some level or the other.

i.e. Woman at the coffee shop I have been going to for ages hits on me. I mean seriously flirts with me... but I know she's engaged.

One woman I met over the summer at an exercise class shows interest. But she's got a number of other suitors.

Last but not least the EX I have wrote so much about here.

Where are all the single women between age 26 and 30? All the single women I see are WAY to young to be serious about. IMO.

Am I the only one noticing this?

LOL!!! Not laughing at you...laughing at the thought. I certainly don't think that your only options are going to be married women. Unless you live in Alaska or as someone else here said, Memphis, where the ratio of available men is a lot larger than women. I think it's more of a case that there is something going on inside of you that helps these situations present themselves. Look inside to find the reasons this happens to you and that is where you will find the answer. What type of signals are you sending out that attracts this kind of attention? Once you figure that out then you probably won't even notice attached women.

January 8, 2011

Just saw this one ... question .... why are you even looking for someone else if you're not over the ex ???

C:)

The EX I speak of is more than an EX. The relationship we have had defies a one word description. In two sentences. We have had other realationships only to return to eachother time and time again over the last dozen or so years we have known eachother. For my part, because, when I am just in the same room as her I tingle all over and feel 20 years old again.

So I can't ever really be totally over her. The best I have ever done is to have just not thought about her in a number of months or a year.

January 8, 2011

I'm not sure where you live, but I'm in my 30s and most of my girlfriends are 27-40. Half are married, the other half are single or divorced, and only some of us have kids. Perhaps you need to look further afield, or in a more urban environment where people routinely marry later in life. Making the effort to change up where you look for women/what kind of women you look for should be more rewarding than putting in the effort to steal women already in LTRs and try to learn how to trust them.

January 8, 2011

The EX I speak of is more than an EX. The relationship we have had defies a one word description. In two sentences. We have had other realationships only to return to eachother time and time again over the last dozen or so years we have known eachother. For my part, because, when I am just in the same room as her I tingle all over and feel 20 years old again.

So I can't ever really be totally over her. The best I have ever done is to have just not thought about her in a number of months or a year.

Have you considered how risky it would be for a single woman to open her heart to you if you are still pining for this woman?

What would happen if you became involved with a wonderful woman, began planning a future with her, and this ex called you up fishing?

January 8, 2011

Have you considered how risky it would be for a single woman to open her heart to you if you are still pining for this woman?

What would happen if you became involved with a wonderful woman, began planning a future with her, and this ex called you up fishing?

"planning a future" You mean we are at least engaged, the honeymoon with this new woman is over, and we are truly and solidly committed not just dating. If I get to that point with another woman I will have asked myself if she really does more for me emotionally, spiritually, etc than the EX and been able to honestly say yes.

Their are no real guarantee's in life, especially in love. We all just do our best to not overpromise what we can't deliver.

January 8, 2011

The EX I speak of is more than an EX. The relationship we have had defies a one word description. In two sentences. We have had other realationships only to return to eachother time and time again over the last dozen or so years we have known eachother. For my part, because, when I am just in the same room as her I tingle all over and feel 20 years old again.

So I can't ever really be totally over her. The best I have ever done is to have just not thought about her in a number of months or a year.

mlo,

My heart goes out to you, it really does ... and also a big pat on the back for trying to get out there and trying to move on.

It think it's a hard balance between giving yourself time to fully get over someone and that pressure that you are not out there meeting someone new.

It took me a long time in life to work out that I needed to give myself more time between relationships, not less, but having now realised it the benefits are fantastic.

Working on myself for well over a year now has been the best thing I have ever done for myself.

Sometimes time is your friend, even when it feels like your enemy.

be safe

Chris

January 8, 2011

Thanks but... with this particular EX the time between our actual break up and my finding her on FB was about three years. In which time I have gotten most of the way done with a MS. Only my thesis defense is left.

I haven't just been sitting around waiting on her by any means. I just haven't met anyone who holds a candle to her.

You know it may just be that in some cases we meet someone who would be perfect but the timing just isn't right.

January 8, 2011

Thanks but... with this particular EX the time between our actual break up and my finding her on FB was about three years. In which time I have gotten most of the way done with a MS. Only my thesis defense is left.

I haven't just been sitting around waiting on her by any means. I just haven't met anyone who holds a candle to her.

You know it may just be that in some cases we meet someone who would be perfect but the timing just isn't right.

It was 5 years between me saying goodbye to my ex and her then coming back into my life and I kept a candle going all that time.

It was only after another 6 odd years of being mucked around that I stopped everything and just focused on working out what was going on inside of me.

It took a long time and it's a work in progress but I know two things ..

first - I am over her ... in fact what I thought of as the love of my life was actually a symptom of my neediness due to inner issues

second - I have faced the inner issues and in doing so have become a more complete person than I have ever been ... :)

I'm not looking for anyone at this time, because I am enjoying being with this new me so much !, but if I ever do decide that I'd like to meet someone then I am 150% without baggage or hanging over feelings .. and that's a wonderful feeling.

I'm not saying this to crow, to minimise your 3 years or to make you feel it will take you as long as it took me ...

Am only saying it because I hope it will help to know that it does eventually get there.

be safe

Chris

January 8, 2011

"planning a future" You mean we are at least engaged, the honeymoon with this new woman is over, and we are truly and solidly committed not just dating. If I get to that point with another woman I will have asked myself if she really does more for me emotionally, spiritually, etc than the EX and been able to honestly say yes.

Their are no real guarantee's in life, especially in love. We all just do our best to not overpromise what we can't deliver.

Just something to keep in mind.....you aren't such great dating potential yourself if you're basically waiting for your ex to give the green light. No one wants to be second choice, not even before the engagement.

I have to ask.....if this woman is so perfect for you, why is she your "ex"?

January 8, 2011

Just something to keep in mind.....you aren't such great dating potential yourself if you're basically waiting for your ex to give the green light. No one wants to be second choice, not even before the engagement.

I have to ask.....if this woman is so perfect for you, why is she your "ex"?

Here...here. And seems not to want to look back.

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After a certain age is finding someone going to mean stealing a spouse?

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