OceanGirl Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) Meh forget it. Nothing useful is going to come out of this discussion anyway..... Edited January 8, 2011 by OceanGirl
paddington bear Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Good friends of mine, a couple said once: We are so lucky to have found one another. When you think about it, you have to find someone who is single at the same time as you, who is ready to have a relationship, who his sexually attracted to you and who you have things in common with. Getting all these things at the same time is really down to luck. They are right.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 Yep. I still think that both of us have had worse luck when it comes to love than an average person.
Surrealist Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I certainly believe a lot of it, though not all of it, is luck. But then, not speaking for anyone else here, but not trying only reduces that luck. I think there's a combination of both luck and work when it comes to finding love and a lot of other things in life as well. Could be said that a lot of people work hard in life, but only few get rich. I saw an interview with Mick Jagger, one of the most successful people of all time in the rock industry, and he was asked the question about how hard they worked to get the fame they did. He replied that they worked hard, but also acknowledged that a lot of people worked hard and yet they found fame because they just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I've actually found that very successful people are more understanding of luck than plebes.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 I certainly believe a lot of it, though not all of it, is luck. But then, not speaking for anyone else here, but not trying only reduces that luck. I think there's a combination of both luck and work when it comes to finding love and a lot of other things in life as well. Could be said that a lot of people work hard in life, but only few get rich. I saw an interview with Mick Jagger, one of the most successful people of all time in the rock industry, and he was asked the question about how hard they worked to get the fame they did. He replied that they worked hard, but also acknowledged that a lot of people worked hard and yet they found fame because they just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I've actually found that very successful people are more understanding of luck than plebes. Thanks for sharing. I basically agree with you. Many people say that you make your own luck, but I never bought this as being entirely true. You can certainly increase your chances if you do all the right things, but there is still so much that is actually not in your control. I like this quote, from the Woddy Allen's movie Match Point (about a pro tennis player) The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net, and for a split second, it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck, it goes forward, and you win. Or maybe it doesn't, and you lose.
paddington bear Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Yep. I still think that both of us have had worse luck when it comes to love than an average person. Yes, I have been totally unlucky in love (in combination with me making bad choices, ignoring red flags etc.) But, I also agree with Surrealist. To some degree you make your own luck. If you are miserable about being single, bitter and go out hoping to meet someone with that attitude, you decrease your luck. If you don't make the effort to put yourself in situations where you can meet people, you decrease your luck etc. However, I have spent years trying to fix whatever bad aspects of my own way of thinking, I have lost weight, I have tried to improve my flirting skills, I have tried damn hard not to repeat the same mistakes, I have tried new things, I have met lots of new people. Has any of that helped? NO! I guess I still keep thinking of 'finding love' like finding a job. You brush up your resume, apply, apply, apply, get interviewed and eventually you will get a job. Your luck is helped along by a process. Finding love seems the same, but actually, there is no guarantee that you will ever get the man/woman at the end of all the applying. That's what sucks. For me, it is very hard to get my head around the fact that I have absolutely no control whatsoever over my love life. That no matter what I do, the end result is me being alone. Maybe thinking 'I have no control over this AT ALL. It is wholly in the lap of the gods' is actually a better way of thinking. Less frustrating and you would feel like less of a failure...
shayan Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I disagree completely. I don't believe in luck. I think when you're ready and doing the right things you can have anything you want. Anything including great love. It's not so much as luck as it is that you are ready.
youngskywalker Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Most of it is being in the right place at the right time. My old man was very successful in life. He had a saying, "I saw a window of opportunity..." He was able to see opportunity and go for it. Some people see it and just think about it and eventually the window closes. I believe this spills over into dating and relationships as well.
Confusedalways Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I think a huge part of it is just being in the right place -mentally, physically and emotionally at the same time that someone you're compatible with is also in their "right place." I'm constantly amazed that I met my current boyfriend randomly, while I had been trying my hand relentlessly at online dating for months. I have to believe it's part luck.
zengirl Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Some people get lucky, some people don't have luck so they have to get healthy instead, and some people never get either and hit their heads against their own psychological walls again and again. I have actually seen love lifes, including mine, change when the person got healthy. I've seen that "luck" turn, so I know there's something else, too. But I do agree that unhealthy people can also get lucky. However, if you're waiting for a relationship to make you happy and whole, you've got to hope for luck. Making your own is a whole different path.
Surrealist Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I'm sure there are numerous variables, and cannot be explained simply by any theory or trend or anything, but you got to wonder why? Why do some people find their love partner so easily in life, even without trying or caring? While others try, put in the work, the effort, and YES the necessary self-improvements and amendments, and yet nothing? Serendipity could be another factor, as youngskywalker alluded to in his post. Still, really makes you wonder how. Example I'm gonna share: I got a good friend, don't see him anymore because I moved. He's a good looking guy, we use to be close friends and training partners. Here is a pic of him: http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs918.snc4/73155_1544220599536_1055632682_3119583_1151984_n.jpg He similarly just went through with a divorce and he has two kids. He lives in Sydney. He met a woman just prior to his divorce, in America of all places, while on his return trip to Australia. They managed to hook up and last time I spoke to him he said they were very much in love though living interstate. I really hope it works out for him because he had a hard time in his marriage too, nicest guy. His separation was a lot shorter than mine and yet I haven't had such the opportunity that he did.
Citizen Erased Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I guess it's luck. Or a mixture of luck and having your stuff together at the appropriate time. Maybe it depends on the person. I've been a lot luckier than most people, which after being on LS I am very grateful for, I'd be a nutcase if I'd gone through what others had.
catgotyourtongue Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Yes, I have been totally unlucky in love (in combination with me making bad choices, ignoring red flags etc.) But, I also agree with Surrealist. To some degree you make your own luck. If you are miserable about being single, bitter and go out hoping to meet someone with that attitude, you decrease your luck. If you don't make the effort to put yourself in situations where you can meet people, you decrease your luck etc. ... Just felt like sending you some random hugs and support!!!! You have a good attitude ((HUGS))
SunsetRed Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 So, how's the online dating going? It's making me want to be a nun.
somedude81 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I don't believe in luck, fate or whatever word one cares to use. For if I did, I would have to acknowledge that my "love life" is completely out of my hands and there is nothing I can do about it. All I could do is wait for the stars to align and somebody would fall for me
Kamille Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 In my book, 99% of falling in love is being ready for it and 1% is finding the right person. But yes, it is that elusive 1% that makes the journey so frustrating.
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