Does any attractive girl ever respond to a message sent to them on dating web sites?

[dispatch3d]

My importance rating women put in **** (probably mostly subconciously):

 

Importance of **** you do or can do: 3

How you present the above: 10

[theizz]

My importance rating women put in **** (probably mostly subconciously):

 

Importance of **** you do or can do: 3

How you present the above: 10

 

I'm sorry, I didn't understand any of that. I might just be a little slow today, but can you give me a hint as to what **** stands for?

[theizz]

Ok. I've stopped laughing now. Sorry about that.

 

All I do in my profile is say a bit about about all my outdoor sports/activities/interests. Some of my photos show me doing some of the sporty things, but I'm not a top-level athlete or super fit so I keep my shirt on. I then say that I'm looking for someone who likes some outdoor activities and that she should be intelligent and able to write in complete sentences. That's about it, but expanded a bit with some details.

 

I don't message every profile with a pretty photo - sometimes I pass them by because I can't see anything in their profile that makes me think they would like the same things as me (even if they look totally gorgeous). I don't pass by every profile with just an average photo, especially if she likes the same sporty things as me, because I know that pretty photos aren't everything. Of course there are profiles with photos that I find very unattractive, so I leave those for people who do find them attractive (beauty being in the eye of the beholder). I never message people if their profile clearly shows they aren't interested (eg if I'm outside their preferred age range) no matter how much I think it shouldn't matter or how much I think everything else is a perfect match.

 

My initial contact emails are much much shorter than this post, and always make specific reference to things in her profile (and sometimes drawing a link back to mine, but I don't always manage that). I always ask a question, because I think that makes it easier to respond, but I know not everyone agrees with this. For example, if her profile says she likes travelling I might ask which country she wants to visit next. I don't make comments about her appearance because I think that having a complete stranger tell you that you are beautiful sounds insincere (and I think some people find it creepy). I don't bother with phrases like "so why not look at my profile" or even "I like your profile" because the former is unnecessary and the latter banal.

 

It's not a perfect recipe for success, but I am getting some responses (1 or 2 in 10, but some of those are rejections). So, no complaints here.

 

Thanks, I'll try some of this stuff. I feel too out of it right now to comprehend it all, but I'll come back to it.

[dispatch3d]

I'm sorry, I didn't understand any of that. I might just be a little slow today, but can you give me a hint as to what **** stands for?

 

Yeah ls doesn't allow much editing after a post is written. I realized afterwords their swear filter made my message completely incoherent.

 

Anyhow, my point was what you do, can do, look like, etc. doesn't matter nearly as much as what you say or how you present the things you do, how you look, etc.

[theizz]

Yeah ls doesn't allow much editing after a post is written. I realized afterwords their swear filter made my message completely incoherent.

 

Anyhow, my point was what you do, can do, look like, etc. doesn't matter nearly as much as what you say or how you present the things you do, how you look, etc.

 

Oh man, I know. That's why I'm so frustrated. Its not about who you actually are, its about how you present yourself.

[kdark]

Ok. I've stopped laughing now. Sorry about that.

 

All I do in my profile is say a bit about about all my outdoor sports/activities/interests. Some of my photos show me doing some of the sporty things, but I'm not a top-level athlete or super fit so I keep my shirt on. I then say that I'm looking for someone who likes some outdoor activities and that she should be intelligent and able to write in complete sentences. That's about it, but expanded a bit with some details.

 

I don't message every profile with a pretty photo - sometimes I pass them by because I can't see anything in their profile that makes me think they would like the same things as me (even if they look totally gorgeous). I don't pass by every profile with just an average photo, especially if she likes the same sporty things as me, because I know that pretty photos aren't everything. Of course there are profiles with photos that I find very unattractive, so I leave those for people who do find them attractive (beauty being in the eye of the beholder). I never message people if their profile clearly shows they aren't interested (eg if I'm outside their preferred age range) no matter how much I think it shouldn't matter or how much I think everything else is a perfect match.

 

My initial contact emails are much much shorter than this post, and always make specific reference to things in her profile (and sometimes drawing a link back to mine, but I don't always manage that). I always ask a question, because I think that makes it easier to respond, but I know not everyone agrees with this. For example, if her profile says she likes travelling I might ask which country she wants to visit next. I don't make comments about her appearance because I think that having a complete stranger tell you that you are beautiful sounds insincere (and I think some people find it creepy). I don't bother with phrases like "so why not look at my profile" or even "I like your profile" because the former is unnecessary and the latter banal.

 

It's not a perfect recipe for success, but I am getting some responses (1 or 2 in 10, but some of those are rejections). So, no complaints here.

 

This quoted is pretty much what I do.

 

I've been on OkCupid for two years. I've messaged seven girls, and gotten four responses, all of which lead to dates, and one of which lead to a year long, long term relationship.

 

The key I've stuck to is to be very particular with who I choose to message. Make sure they have similar interests, and make sure I sent a message that I put forth some effort when writing it, and I actually mention something that shows I read there profile. I do not just message women because they are attractive. I've gotten messages from attractive women, and didn't respond/politely refused because I didn't think we would get along, or they sent a message with horrible grammar and spelling.

 

Just try to show that you aren't just another guy messaging the hot girl, that you actually find them interesting. I know this flies in the face of what most people say about online dating being a numbers game, but this is what works for me.

[catgotyourtongue]

I'm not blaming it on the women. I think I even stated before that I must be doing something wrong. Yes obviously I need to improve something. In face to face encounters I feel awkward sometimes because I don't know what to say, so I think that scares girls away. Actually I know it does because I'll watch them turn their back on me without saying a word and then walk away. I think its rude, but whatever.

 

But not wanting to be with an unattractive girl does not mean that I have issues. I may have issues, but that's not one of them. Yes I have standards and that's a good thing. I don't think my standards are unrealistic. I just want a girl that I can be both physically attracted to, and also connect with emotionally. What's wrong with that? I know that isn't the source of my misfortune with women.

 

And I never claimed to be the best guy in the world. My point was I think I'm a pretty good catch, and therefore should have a lot more interest from girls if I was able to correct whatever my bottleneck is. But for you to just say "boo hoo, you'll be fine" is pretty far off because I've been single for the last 8 years, have only dated about 8 girls in that time, and 7 of those were only 1 date. There was 1 girl that I actually dated for a month, but wasn't attracted to her. So I don't think I will be fine without correcting some major issue.

 

Hi

I am sorry, I apologized in a separate post, I was confusing your story and someone else's and I was giving my attention, compassion out and confused who I was trying to support and why, AND I misread your response. I though you said you WERE "banging a chick you would never date", or something like that and it just struct me as a bit well..something..but that is not what you said, I read it wrong. My apologies. Truly, I read that part wrong. I thought you were playing both sides, like complaining abt not getting noticed, then talking about banging chicks and I got confused, and well blah blah...too much posting

 

If you read any of my threads, and pay attention to most of what I said to you, I am compassionate and caring, beyond often where I should be. I often side with men who are seeking help and support, even at the risk of offending or putting off some women, which I Dont Like to DO. I ALSO am very compassionate to women as well, in need. I can't help it, it is who I am, and I want to help...everyone if I can....

 

Also, I promise, I did not mean BOOO HOOO, I meant BOOO HISSSS - I seriously do it all the time, typos, especially when sick. ITS not my style to post that way, I am not snarky in that way.

 

What I did mean was BOO HISSS at the comment about "banging the chick" which is not even what you did. It was like a "boo hisss come on man" type of thing. Thats all. I am so sorry for the communication problem and my typos, I assure you that. I needed to get off line for a bit. I was mixing up multi threads, two people, read your response wrong, and the list goes on. This is from the heart, for real.

 

I am sorry...it was not my intent...it got all out of whack...i am so sensitive on these forums ( mostly) and I know some will take advantage of that and i guess i did not want to spend all the time and energy to a degree showing compassion to someone who was "playing me" or "both sides" and I see that I was reading things wrong, etc. and confused posts....geeez I need a break. I am probably making it worse, but honest hugs and I have enjoyed our back and forth...

 

Pls accept my apologies

peace

[theizz]

Hi

I am sorry, I apologized in a separate post, I was confusing your story and someone else's and I was giving my attention, compassion out and confused who I was trying to support and why, AND I misread your response. I though you said you WERE "banging a chick you would never date", or something like that and it just struct me as a bit well..something..but that is not what you said, I read it wrong. My apologies. Truly, I read that part wrong. I thought you were playing both sides, like complaining abt not getting noticed, then talking about banging chicks and I got confused, and well blah blah...too much posting

 

If you read any of my threads, and pay attention to most of what I said to you, I am compassionate and caring, beyond often where I should be. I often side with men who are seeking help and support, even at the risk of offending or putting off some women, which I Dont Like to DO. I ALSO am very compassionate to women as well, in need. I can't help it, it is who I am, and I want to help...everyone if I can....

 

Also, I promise, I did not mean BOOO HOOO, I meant BOOO HISSSS - I seriously do it all the time, typos, especially when sick. ITS not my style to post that way, I am not snarky in that way.

 

What I did mean was BOO HISSS at the comment about "banging the chick" which is not even what you did. It was like a "boo hisss come on man" type of thing. Thats all. I am so sorry for the communication problem and my typos, I assure you that. I needed to get off line for a bit. I was mixing up multi threads, two people, read your response wrong, and the list goes on. This is from the heart, for real.

 

I am sorry...it was not my intent...it got all out of whack...i am so sensitive on these forums ( mostly) and I know some will take advantage of that and i guess i did not want to spend all the time and energy to a degree showing compassion to someone who was "playing me" or "both sides" and I see that I was reading things wrong, etc. and confused posts....geeez I need a break. I am probably making it worse, but honest hugs and I have enjoyed our back and forth...

 

Pls accept my apologies

peace

 

That's ok, I understand. I think might have misunderstood what I said about the 2 girls I most recently dated. I was saying I WOULD bang one based on her appearance, but didn't because she wasn't a personality fit. The other I DID bang, but wasn't really attracted to her. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't really playing her. I had an emotional connection with her unlike any I've had since my last gf 8 years ago, and I loved being with her. I just kind of realized I couldn't ever get serious with her because I wasn't physically attracted to her, and I was honest and told her I couldn't have a serious relationship with her. She found a new bf, and I'm happy for her for that.

[catgotyourtongue]

That's ok, I understand. I think might have misunderstood what I said about the 2 girls I most recently dated. I was saying I WOULD bang one based on her appearance, but didn't because she wasn't a personality fit. The other I DID bang, but wasn't really attracted to her. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't really playing her. I had an emotional connection with her unlike any I've had since my last gf 8 years ago, and I loved being with her. I just kind of realized I couldn't ever get serious with her because I wasn't physically attracted to her, and I was honest and told her I couldn't have a serious relationship with her. She found a new bf, and I'm happy for her for that.

 

Thank you for accepting my apology with grace! Okay, well, this is all a learning experience, so stay connected and get good insight....I am going to bow out now, for fear of walking all over my tongue...and being stupid, lol

Best of luck to you......and hugs

[irc333]

What I get a kick out of, is when an attractive woman moves to a small rural area from the big city, and as of yet to have hit her that in a small city, well....let's just say you can't meet a single person in a smaller area than in a bigger city in a traditional way, either in a class, bookstore, or any public place.

 

In my small community, if you approach a woman, they typically have a boyfriend or husband waiting on them around the corner.

 

And all the "Beautiful elite" people of the community are already married.

 

If there ARE single people they have missing teeth, old enough to have fought in WOrld War II, or probably college aged (but the college aged ones are usually engaged to their Highschool sweethearts)

 

So these "attractive" women that had to relocate to a small town (sometimes to be near family or things didn't work out in the big city for them)....realizes they cant' meet anyone or maybe they can't even have as social life even.

 

So they go online and try online dating, some even say in their profile "It's hard to meet people in my area"

 

When I email them...of course I get ignored, and I think to myself they really cant' afford to be shallow in a small community, so maybe after living here long enough, they might want to start making changes. lol

[theizz]

This quoted is pretty much what I do.

 

I've been on OkCupid for two years. I've messaged seven girls, and gotten four responses, all of which lead to dates, and one of which lead to a year long, long term relationship.

 

The key I've stuck to is to be very particular with who I choose to message. Make sure they have similar interests, and make sure I sent a message that I put forth some effort when writing it, and I actually mention something that shows I read there profile. I do not just message women because they are attractive. I've gotten messages from attractive women, and didn't respond/politely refused because I didn't think we would get along, or they sent a message with horrible grammar and spelling.

 

Just try to show that you aren't just another guy messaging the hot girl, that you actually find them interesting. I know this flies in the face of what most people say about online dating being a numbers game, but this is what works for me.

 

kdark and oaks, how long are your profiles? I'm going to try this. Thanks.

[oaks]

kdark and oaks, how long are your profiles? I'm going to try this. Thanks.

 

Less than 300 words.

[theizz]

Holy sh**. I tossed up a couple photos of my self from a band photo shoot that I totally forgot about, revamped my summary a bit, and in the course of 1 day I got 4 messages, about 5 or 6 winks, and 1 offer to sleep with a guys wife. This is great! I actually found an article that gave statistics on replies based on keywords in messages. I just used that advise to create my profile and it worked like magic. Wish I found that article 8 years ago.

[Star Gazer]

A webdesigner friend of mine was in charge of building a now popular dating site years ago. His job consisted in the following: he had to build a bunch of enticing fake profiles that would draw customers in. He would write the profile and use stock photos. They even had a plan where some of the fake profiles would have automated first responses (Hi, thank you for writing. Here's a little more about me...). At the time I think the fake profiles were only supposed to be in effect until the site had a sufficient customer base, but when I read this threads, I always wonder if dating sites keep this practice active.

 

Match was just sued days ago for having fake and inactive profiles.

 

I believe JDate was sued on the same grounds 5 or 6 years ago, but I don't quite remember.

[U1987]

if you are sending that many messages I'm guessing they are generic, you introduce yourself, say a couple of things about your lifestyle and ask them if they want to chat.

 

I never reply to those messages either because I know they are sent to a 100 other women, sometimes guys that send generic messages forget that they had approached me already and send me another copy a few days later.

 

nobody wants to meet up with anyone that gives the impression that he would take out any girl from that site.

 

when I approach men, I usually refer to something specific from their profile and see whether we can have some good natured banter initially. of course most of them doesn't go anywhere, that's the nature of online dating.

 

I used to feel this way too, but to be honest, I was getting no where with uniquely-tailored first messages; no responses at all. Apparently according to a poster named BackUpOrGetStung, uniquely-tailored messages seem desperate and creepy.

 

I've actually been getting some responses and convos out of generic, vague cookie-cutter messages. I emailed the exact same message to 50+ women and 8 got back to me and we've been corresponding. This is on a fake account I set up in a far away city to practice before I start hitting up girls in my area, but I'm starting to build up my confidence.

 

Once I get good enough at corresponding through email, I'm pretty sure that a vague but well crafted "spam" message can elicit a response from girls.

[oaks]

I've actually been getting some responses and convos out of generic, vague cookie-cutter messages. I emailed the exact same message to 50+ women and 8 got back to me and we've been corresponding. This is on a fake account I set up in a far away city to practice before I start hitting up girls in my area, but I'm starting to build up my confidence.

 

At what point do you then apologise and tell them that you're a fake account with no actual intention of meeting them?

 

Online dating has enough bad points without people like you making it worse. Why don't you just contact people you actually intend to meet - it sounds like you could've got 8 replies from local women by now instead of wasting the time of 50+ women in another city.

[daphne]

Some women are online for an ego stroke. Other women are overwhelmed with responses. This can lead to an average woman becoming a bit cocky. So the above average have their pick, and they're usually well aware of it because the guys tell them all of the time.

 

I do believe there are fake profiles. I have been told by a few of the guys that they thought I was a fake profile. One added that he was expecting to pay 3.99 to talk to me on webcam. (We didn't go out again, even though I guffawed at that one.) A lot of the guys complain about it, and can spot one a mile away.

 

But for the rest that aren't fake, just know that they're overwhelmed and if you are a catch, someone who knows what she's looking for will hopefully see something in your profile in the midst of the 500 other profiles she's seen recently. If I were you I'd mix it up with going out to try to meet people off line as well. Online is just another tool, I wouldn't rely on it exclusively.

[GivenUp0083]

I did 2 years of online dating, been through all the experiences associated...and just recently I finally found a great girl that I'm 99% sure will lead to a solid LTR.

 

There's so many things to say so I'm going to make bullet points.

 

1. There's 2 million potential reasons why a woman on a dating site wouldn't respond to you. 1 million of them have nothing do with you.

 

2. The bombardment statement is accurate. Try to stand out a little more in your emails. Be specific about their profile, ask questions and sound legitimately interested. I always try to show a little humor. If you can get her to laugh you'll probably get a response.

 

3. Online dating is something that you have to think of in the long term. You're not going to meet the woman of your dreams overnight. Try not to send so many emails to every girl you find attractive...I started getting a much better response rate when I targeted specific qualities in a woman and sent a lot less emails.

 

4. Pictures are not everything. I've experienced girls who look hot in pictures and didn't live up to them in person. I've also met girls with mediocre pictures that did them absolutely no justice to how attractive they were in person.

 

5. I used a free site (okcupid) after using a pay site (match.com) and found it much less stressful because I didn't feel obligated to get my "money's worth" and I only emailed or dated when I felt like it or if a specific girl's profile caught my eye.

 

6. Your approach may land you dates, but you'll have to go through a lot of **** dates to find a real gem.