Does any attractive girl ever respond to a message sent to them on dating web sites?

January 8, 2011

Does any attractive girl ever respond to a message sent to them on dating web sites? I don't get it, I've sent dozens of messages and don't think I got more than 2 replies (which went nowhere). The only time I meet girls from dating sites is when they contact me first, which is rare. I totally don't get it because I think I have a lot to offer. I'm 29, I've been told by girls that I'm hot or cute or whatever, I'm in shape, trust worthy, have a good career, do interesting things like play instruments, go to concerts, and snowboard. I mean I understand I can't be everyone's type, but come on. I would think that I would be what a lot of girls are looking for.

I know some of you may be thinking, girls are looking for guys that are jerks and cocky or whatever. But I don't know if I buy that because I've experimented with sending cocky IMs, and those just seem to piss girls off, and then they block me.

I mean I would have no problem just dating girls that initiate contact, except that it doesn't happen enough. It happens that way in real life too. Back when I used to hang out with friends at bars more often, I could never really pick up girls, but on occasion one would try to pick me up. Again, it was too rare to really be good enough.

WTF? And that's my rant for today.

January 8, 2011

Does any attractive girl ever respond to a message sent to them on dating web sites?

Yes. Sometimes they do. For me I think about 1 or 2 in 10 reply, and many of those are politely telling me that they aren't interested... but some of them are.

I don't get it, I've sent dozens of messages and don't think I got more than 2 replies (which went nowhere).

Sometimes that's what happens. What sort of things are you writing? Hopefully you're writing unique but fairly succinct messages to each girl that relate to what you've read in their profile. As well as the replies you'll get here, if you google for something like "online dating first contact email" you'll get tons of advice.

January 8, 2011

if you are sending that many messages I'm guessing they are generic, you introduce yourself, say a couple of things about your lifestyle and ask them if they want to chat.

I never reply to those messages either because I know they are sent to a 100 other women, sometimes guys that send generic messages forget that they had approached me already and send me another copy a few days later.

nobody wants to meet up with anyone that gives the impression that he would take out any girl from that site.

when I approach men, I usually refer to something specific from their profile and see whether we can have some good natured banter initially. of course most of them doesn't go anywhere, that's the nature of online dating.

January 8, 2011

I can totally relate to OP's story, and that is why I won't bother with online dating anymore. I'm basically at the same stage of my life that he is.

Stick around on this site. Read people's stories. You will begin to understand that men are at a serious disadvantage in the online dating scene. Attractive women literally get hundreds of messages a week. Many of them don't even read them, they just choose the picture they like the best and see what the guy had to say and go from there.

You might get a few hits from women that you might not be totally attracted to... but why bother, if you can get attention from women that are much more attractive in the outside world??

January 8, 2011

What sort of things are you writing? Hopefully you're writing unique but fairly succinct messages to each girl that relate to what you've read in their profile. As well as the replies you'll get here, if you google for something like "online dating first contact email" you'll get tons of advice.

I've tried lots of different things. At first I just did what came natural, which was to write a couple paragraphs based on stuff I saw in her profile. I'd mention what we had in common, and I'd ask a couple questions, i.e. what's her favorite place to travel to or whatever.

Then I googled it and got changed my responses to a quick 3 or 4 sentences. I also added a little "strong confidence" thing to the end saying something like "I think you'll like my profile, so check it out and then respond so we can talk more".

I tried adding in some humor, like "Click on my face". I tried presenting myself as a challenge, like "Everyone says they like the outdoors, but what makes you unique?"

No replies...

January 8, 2011

A webdesigner friend of mine was in charge of building a now popular dating site years ago. His job consisted in the following: he had to build a bunch of enticing fake profiles that would draw customers in. He would write the profile and use stock photos. They even had a plan where some of the fake profiles would have automated first responses (Hi, thank you for writing. Here's a little more about me...). At the time I think the fake profiles were only supposed to be in effect until the site had a sufficient customer base, but when I read this threads, I always wonder if dating sites keep this practice active.

January 8, 2011

if you are sending that many messages I'm guessing they are generic, you introduce yourself, say a couple of things about your lifestyle and ask them if they want to chat.

I never reply to those messages either because I know they are sent to a 100 other women, sometimes guys that send generic messages forget that they had approached me already and send me another copy a few days later.

nobody wants to meet up with anyone that gives the impression that he would take out any girl from that site.

when I approach men, I usually refer to something specific from their profile and see whether we can have some good natured banter initially. of course most of them doesn't go anywhere, that's the nature of online dating.

I don't really have a generic message I send to everyone. I try to follow certain formats that people recommend, but I pick out specifics from the girl's profiles. And I don't just send to anybody. At first I was very selective. I'd read through profiles until I found someone I thought might be cool to hang out with. I probably only sent one message every few days. After not getting any results I started sending to several girls each day, but still only ones that met a certain standard. Now send to anyone, even fat chicks that I wouldn't date just because I'm curious if they will reply.

When you reply to guys, I'm sure its a lot different because it might be the only message that guy got in 3 weeks, and I think guys are much more accepting of getting an awkward message from a girl. They might think its cute. Whereas if a woman got that same message from a guy she would think he's a freak and not give him the time of day. Just a thought.

January 8, 2011

A webdesigner friend of mine was in charge of building a now popular dating site years ago. His job consisted in the following: he had to build a bunch of enticing fake profiles that would draw customers in. He would write the profile and use stock photos. They even had a plan where some of the fake profiles would have automated first responses (Hi, thank you for writing. Here's a little more about me...). At the time I think the fake profiles were only supposed to be in effect until the site had a sufficient customer base, but when I read this threads, I always wonder if dating sites keep this practice active.

Maybe. On match.com I can see when people read my messages, and most of them get read. I guess they could still be fake and automatically mark it as read after a random amount of time.

January 8, 2011

Hey there

First of all:

Sorry for you experiences, online dating can be hard and a let down. I am going to make a vague, general statement, so take it for what it is worth.

IME attractive women online get bombarded with emails from very attractive men, good looking men, medicore looking men, not as attractive men etc. Botton line: they get bombarded (some do, and from what I know, many)

I guess this means they get to pick from a much larger pot than many, and can be really selective. It may not be much of a reflection on you, but on the shear numbers of hits they get.

Pretty women usually get hit on a lot, in real world, online, whatever, if they are decent human beings and pretty, and fun, whatever, perhaps they get hit on even way more. So I think it is like the survival of the fittest. They may be able to choose from the cream of the crop so to speak (not just looks, by any means) but they may get to choose the best looking (for them), the most interesting, the fittest, the funniest, the whatever. So stiff competition perhaps.

Granted, plenty of pretty women dont get asked out all the time, suffer same thing as you etc. Because there are so many pretty women out there, and the cream rises to the top, men also want to pick at the top, and perhaps don't give the averagely attractive women a chance, when in fact they perhaps offer more of what you want. I have been fortunate to have a lot of dates, men in my life, but in this online world, I don't stand out nearly as much as I used to. I am complaining, it is what it is. I blend in with lots of other attractive women (I am NOT bragging, i am just saying I am seen and approached as one of them) but i am often often overlooked for someone prettier or younger than I am, regardless. It's okay. I dont want to compete, nor am I getting younger, I cant and dont compete with 20 yr old women. Best I can do is be me, and the right person in time, will come along, if I am ready and willing :-)

just food for thought

January 8, 2011

Pretty women usually get hit on a lot, in real world, online, whatever, if they are decent human beings and pretty, and fun, whatever, perhaps they get hit on even way more. So I think it is like the survival of the fittest. They may be able to choose from the cream of the crop so to speak (not just looks, by any means) but they may get to choose the best looking (for them), the most interesting, the fittest, the funniest, the whatever. So stiff competition perhaps.

I guess there are 2 things. First I feel like I have a lot to offer, and I must be doing something wrong if I'm getting terrible results. I'm not trying to be arrogant here, but realistically I think I'm more attractive, earn more $, and in better shape than 90% of guys out there. On top of that I'm reliable, caring, and when I'm in a relationship I'm not a door mat. I am challenging in a good way, to the point where I can watch how much a girl likes it and has fun with it.

The second thing is more of me just venting, because I know this won't change, but here it goes. I hear women complain all the time about not being able to find a good boyfriend. But yet they keep dating those same kind of guys because they are the ones who happen to perform the right "courtship rituals" in the right sequence. Sorry I didn't get that text book, and I spent all of my college days in a relationship with a very attractive girl that I loved, and therefore didn't go out there and practice these rituals. Now that I need to date again I find that I don't know the secret hand shake, so despite all that I have to offer, I get nowhere.

January 8, 2011

I guess there are 2 things. First I feel like I have a lot to offer, and I must be doing something wrong if I'm getting terrible results. I'm not trying to be arrogant here, but realistically I think I'm more attractive, earn more $, and in better shape than 90% of guys out there. On top of that I'm reliable, caring, and when I'm in a relationship I'm not a door mat. I am challenging in a good way, to the point where I can watch how much a girl likes it and has fun with it.

The second thing is more of me just venting, because I know this won't change, but here it goes. I hear women complain all the time about not being able to find a good boyfriend. But yet they keep dating those same kind of guys because they are the ones who happen to perform the right "courtship rituals" in the right sequence. Sorry I didn't get that text book, and I spent all of my college days in a relationship with a very attractive girl that I loved, and therefore didn't go out there and practice these rituals. Now that I need to date again I find that I don't know the secret hand shake, so despite all that I have to offer, I get nowhere.

Did you read my post?? If not, go back. If so, read it again

You are not alone

January 8, 2011

Did you read my post?? If not, go back. If so, read it again

You are not alone

Yes I read it. I'm not getting attention from girls in the outside world either. Back when I used to go out more I'd occasionally have a girl try to pick me up, but it would be so rare. Nowadays I don't go out and I don't really interact with any new people... oh wait somebody just responded to one of my messages on match, lol. I'm going to bust open a bottle of champaign. Now I lost my train of thought... Oh yeah, for a a while I even tried taking advise from pick up artists on how to approach women. Not that I wanted to be a PUA, I just wanted to be able to meet the right girl. Anyway, it was BRUTAL. I'd build up all my courage to approach a pretty girl, and most of the time she'd just act like a total bitch, like she can't believe I'd even approach her. It just beat the s*** out of my self esteem to the point where I don't ever want to approach a strange girl any more.

January 8, 2011

I guess there are 2 things. First I feel like I have a lot to offer, and I must be doing something wrong if I'm getting terrible results. I'm not trying to be arrogant here, but realistically I think I'm more attractive, earn more $, and in better shape than 90% of guys out there. On top of that I'm reliable, caring, and when I'm in a relationship I'm not a door mat. I am challenging in a good way, to the point where I can watch how much a girl likes it and has fun with it.

The second thing is more of me just venting, because I know this won't change, but here it goes. I hear women complain all the time about not being able to find a good boyfriend. But yet they keep dating those same kind of guys because they are the ones who happen to perform the right "courtship rituals" in the right sequence. Sorry I didn't get that text book, and I spent all of my college days in a relationship with a very attractive girl that I loved, and therefore didn't go out there and practice these rituals. Now that I need to date again I find that I don't know the secret hand shake, so despite all that I have to offer, I get nowhere.

(please excuse my typing, I am very sick in bed with flu and have noticed my grammar and typing is horrid lately..and too tired to go back and fix it, lol)

Thanks...you are not arrogant, you sound confident and balanced. I think it just is a numbers game regardless, like you have to stay in the game to get a clearer picture of the outcome of it. I think having some dating practice on your belt would help. Just keep asking, go out with some people, and get used the dating rituals...eventually if you do it a few times, it gets easier or you know what to expect, that's all.

You may do better then in the real world, and not just online because you sound confident, kind, cool. Maybe you meet women through other venues...as well and don't rely on online dating. Maybe try less hard. I am sure the men on here, i have not read a lot of other posters, but I am sure men here are telling you to be more aloof, distant, more of a d*ck..etc. While I do not agree with that, i do think there is merit is trying to be less agreeable, less perfect, less invested, as maybe you are coming off too needy or too eager and it can turn some women off...especially women who may be able to have their pick of men. BE yourself for sure, stay a good guy, but maybe you just are trying too hard, and need to chill and be less ALL OUT THERE if that makes sense. Also, you would perhaps do well with older women (cant recall your age)...I mean rather than hot young things...a more adult woman will hopefully appreciate all you have to offer and know the difference.

When you approach these women, give their profiles more of a look and evaluation. Are they just attractive or do they share some of your values, interests, do they want a good guy?? For real. Also you cant force it to change, either you need to change your approach to reach the result you want, or don't change, and be you (which seems pretty cool to me) and wait for the worthy. Wait for the ones who deserve you.

ALSO dont discount 2 out of 10, some men might kill for 2 out out of ten to respond. Those two might be worth a lot, or even one, you dont need 5, just a few decent dates to get you started. If 50 guys show interest in me, regardless of how good looking or blah blah, I usually am only interested in one out of 10 or 20 or 30 or whatever. Not at all cause they are NOT good enough, but because I am over 40, picky as hell, always have been, I know what I dont want, what I do want, i know my demons, issues and hot buttons and my weakness's, insecurities and things that wont work. I know I am hard to date, and that I come with a lot of baggage, so I also (believe it or not) look out for the guy. If I know he is xyz, and my personality or insecuries or past experiences might drive him crazy (trust issues, fear of this, that, etc) then I spare him that and say I know we wont be a good match, cause I would want to change him, thus leading to issues, or I would feel insecure with his type, so it would make me whiny, or whatever, I choose for him and me, it would not be good.

Not sure that helped, what I am terrible trying to say is, it could be a mix of things. YOU could be all that a bag of chips, but you are only going to appeal to x amount of people -and those are the ones you want to spend your time, not the NO's but the YES's...it's the yesses that count...

(you will do fine, I feel it) and when you feel down, come here and we will help......

January 8, 2011

Yes I read it. I'm not getting attention from girls in the outside world either. Back when I used to go out more I'd occasionally have a girl try to pick me up, but it would be so rare. Nowadays I don't go out and I don't really interact with any new people... oh wait somebody just responded to one of my messages on match, lol. I'm going to bust open a bottle of champaign. Now I lost my train of thought... Oh yeah, for a a while I even tried taking advise from pick up artists on how to approach women. Not that I wanted to be a PUA, I just wanted to be able to meet the right girl. Anyway, it was BRUTAL. I'd build up all my courage to approach a pretty girl, and most of the time she'd just act like a total bitch, like she can't believe I'd even approach her. It just beat the s*** out of my self esteem to the point where I don't ever want to approach a strange girl any more.

Me again, lol

I think you are putting way too much empahsis on "pretty" girls. If you have learned anything, it should be that "pretty" does not mean nice, cool, fun, smart, interesting. I think you are too caught up on the looks as being way way too important. Pretty girls shoot down a lot of guys cause they are constanly being hit on. STOP with the pretty...lol...obsession. Lots of women are pretty, sounds like you a want a stone cold fox...and also, the real depth or interest, is in the person. PUT a pretend bag over their head, and see if you still think they hold merit, are interesting, are worth it. IF all you care about is not being shot down by a pretty girl, than I think you have some work to do on yourself, hon' that's all.

IF you are the things you say you are, confident, nice, fun, whatever, and feel you are a good catch, go with that. dont let the lack of interest of a hot girl rule your dating life, it's silly and backwards. GIVE some other women a chance and be happy to date a wider variety.

WHAT else do you care about other than her beauty?

name three other things that matter a lot, a whole lot.

THEN perhaps, start dating the opposite way.

Search for women who have at least two of the three, or two good traits you care about, then decide if she is attractive enough for you, or to you, or whatever...

think u are hung up on needing to land a trophy not a quality girl. I have been real lenient and supportive to you on this thread, and I mean it, it's just i am wondering what you are really looking for and can offer, if pretty is the main thing i keep hearing...

((honest hugs))

January 8, 2011

(please excuse my typing, I am very sick in bed with flu and have noticed my grammar and typing is horrid lately..and too tired to go back and fix it, lol)
Thanks...you are not arrogant, you sound confident and balanced. I think it just is a numbers game regardless, like you have to stay in the game to get a clearer picture of the outcome of it. I think having some dating practice on your belt would help. Just keep asking, go out with some people, and get used the dating rituals...eventually if you do it a few times, it gets easier or you know what to expect, that's all.

You may do better then in the real world, and not just online because you sound confident, kind, cool. Maybe you meet women through other venues...as well and don't rely on online dating. Maybe try less hard. I am sure the men on here, i have not read a lot of other posters, but I am sure men here are telling you to be more aloof, distant, more of a d*ck..etc. While I do not agree with that, i do think there is merit is trying to be less agreeable, less perfect, less invested, as maybe you are coming off too needy or too eager and it can turn some women off...especially women who may be able to have their pick of men. BE yourself for sure, stay a good guy, but maybe you just are trying too hard, and need to chill and be less ALL OUT THERE if that makes sense. Also, you would perhaps do well with older women (cant recall your age)...I mean rather than hot young things...a more adult woman will hopefully appreciate all you have to offer and know the difference.

When you approach these women, give their profiles more of a look and evaluation. Are they just attractive or do they share some of your values, interests, do they want a good guy?? For real. Also you cant force it to change, either you need to change your approach to reach the result you want, or don't change, and be you (which seems pretty cool to me) and wait for the worthy. Wait for the ones who deserve you.

ALSO dont discount 2 out of 10, some men might kill for 2 out out of ten to respond. Those two might be worth a lot, or even one, you dont need 5, just a few decent dates to get you started. If 50 guys show interest in me, regardless of how good looking or blah blah, I usually am only interested in one out of 10 or 20 or 30 or whatever. Not at all cause they are NOT good enough, but because I am over 40, picky as hell, always have been, I know what I dont want, what I do want, i know my demons, issues and hot buttons and my weakness's, insecurities and things that wont work. I know I am hard to date, and that I come with a lot of baggage, so I also (believe it or not) look out for the guy. If I know he is xyz, and my personality or insecuries or past experiences might drive him crazy (trust issues, fear of this, that, etc) then I spare him that and say I know we wont be a good match, cause I would want to change him, thus leading to issues, or I would feel insecure with his type, so it would make me whiny, or whatever, I choose for him and me, it would not be good.

Not sure that helped, what I am terrible trying to say is, it could be a mix of things. YOU could be all that a bag of chips, but you are only going to appeal to x amount of people -and those are the ones you want to spend your time, not the NO's but the YES's...it's the yesses that count...

(you will do fine, I feel it) and when you feel down, come here and we will help......

Thanks for the advise. I didn't say I get 2 out of 10 though, somebody else said that. I get maybe 1 in 20, and they lead nowhere. The only time I meet girls is when they contact me first.

I understand what you're saying about chilling out, and just waiting for the right girl, but I've been told that before... about 8 years ago, and still no gf. I don't want to wait another 8 years, its lonely in here.

January 8, 2011

Me again, lol
I think you are putting way too much empahsis on "pretty" girls. If you have learned anything, it should be that "pretty" does not mean nice, cool, fun, smart, interesting. I think you are too caught up on the looks as being way way too important. Pretty girls shoot down a lot of guys cause they are constanly being hit on. STOP with the pretty...lol...obsession. Lots of women are pretty, sounds like you a want a stone cold fox...and also, the real depth or interest, is in the person. PUT a pretend bag over their head, and see if you still think they hold merit, are interesting, are worth it. IF all you care about is not being shot down by a pretty girl, than I think you have some work to do on yourself, hon' that's all.

IF you are the things you say you are, confident, nice, fun, whatever, and feel you are a good catch, go with that. dont let the lack of interest of a hot girl rule your dating life, it's silly and backwards. GIVE some other women a chance and be happy to date a wider variety.

WHAT else do you care about other than her beauty?

name three other things that matter a lot, a whole lot.

THEN perhaps, start dating the opposite way.

Search for women who have at least two of the three, or two good traits you care about, then decide if she is attractive enough for you, or to you, or whatever...

think u are hung up on needing to land a trophy not a quality girl. I have been real lenient and supportive to you on this thread, and I mean it, it's just i am wondering what you are really looking for and can offer, if pretty is the main thing i keep hearing...

((honest hugs))

Looks are important, but I'm not saying that's all I'm looking for. What I mean is that it is one of several critical factors and without it I have no interest, so therefore I only approach attractive girls. You know, there's no point in approaching a girl that I know I won't want to see naked. I already met a girl recently that based on her personality I would marry, but she's a little over weight and it grosses me out to the point where I can't even get it up half the time. So what's the point?

On the other side of that coin, I recently went out with a semi-attractive asian girl. I would have no problem banging her, but personality-wise we weren't a good fit, so I didn't bother pursuing it.

January 8, 2011

Thanks for the advise. I didn't say I get 2 out of 10 though, somebody else said that.

I think it was me, and I'm not complaining about it. Somehow I've got 3 dates next week. No idea how that happened, but definitely not complaining!

January 8, 2011

I think it was me, and I'm not complaining about it. Somehow I've got 3 dates next week. No idea how that happened, but definitely not complaining!

Can I copy and paste your profile?

January 8, 2011

Looks are important, but I'm not saying that's all I'm looking for. What I mean is that it is one of several critical factors and without it I have no interest, so therefore I only approach attractive girls. You know, there's no point in approaching a girl that I know I won't want to see naked. I already met a girl recently that based on her personality I would marry, but she's a little over weight and it grosses me out to the point where I can't even get it up half the time. So what's the point?

On the other side of that coin, I recently went out with a semi-attractive asian girl. I would have no problem banging her, but personality-wise we weren't a good fit, so I didn't bother pursuing it.

Okay bud this is where I gracefully bow out. You obviously have all your own stuff to deal with and look at, and can't just blame it all on the women, really. You are coming off one way, like you are the best guy in the world, nice as Ghandi, as good looking as whoever, etc etc but when it comes down to nuts and bolts, you are not looking at you. The whole "I would bang her but" and the "would marry her but can't stand to see her naked" means you have issues too, to handle. You are not perfect...

....and you are looking for empathy, which I have given you shi*loads of,

but dude, you gotta look in the mirror, what are you not doing or bringing, or what is your role in not having successful relationships. A lot of men think they are blameless and handled everything right, maybe you have some sh* to work on too, just saying, it aint all abt the bad women who ignore you, you have to step up and deal with you....and your part...

If you are the type to have both sides of this personality, loving, sweet and typical guy bulls* mentality, then clearly you should be able to find what you are looking for. You cant play the desperate card, or I cant find anyone card, and also expect the top top top of the pack to all want you. There is gray, find it. Really....it aint all abt them, part of this is about you and perhaps unreal expectations and judgements.

Cause the men on here will tell you to be more of a dic* and just get laid and care for numero uno, and now we see that you can. Sorry if I now sound harsh, but I am too quick to empathize with everyones story without getting into more of details. I STILL have empathy for what happened, I just have a clearer picture of who you are. Sorry, you had me at hello, and just lost me a little...

the guys can handle this from here, peace out.....

Boooooo hooo

good luck in the dating world, u will be fine, you get used and you use people, it is what it is....you know that, you have done it..

peace brotha'

January 8, 2011

Can I copy and paste your profile?

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

January 8, 2011

DOH

I need to take a break from Loveshack lol. I am now responding to so many threads I am confusing which man, situation I am dealing with. I was having empathy and conversations with a few, and I totally don't even remember who is who anymore, so sorry if my last response was jumbled and harsh, I am loooooooooosing it and need a LS break or at least to involved myself less in helping for a few days.....cause I am buggy eyed and don't want confuse two people with eachother

peace out

cat

January 8, 2011

I've tried lots of different things. At first I just did what came natural, which was to write a couple paragraphs based on stuff I saw in her profile. I'd mention what we had in common, and I'd ask a couple questions, i.e. what's her favorite place to travel to or whatever.

Then I googled it and got changed my responses to a quick 3 or 4 sentences. I also added a little "strong confidence" thing to the end saying something like "I think you'll like my profile, so check it out and then respond so we can talk more".

I tried adding in some humor, like "Click on my face". I tried presenting myself as a challenge, like "Everyone says they like the outdoors, but what makes you unique?"

No replies...

Stay away from attempts at humor until the phone conversation and actual date.

January 8, 2011

I'm one of the "attractive" girls that rarely answer messages on dating site. As someone else pointed out, girls get litterally bombarded with messages. It can be overwhelming and even confusing. You might run through the messages during a break. You go back when you have more time and there are more messages to go through. By the time you can sit down and give them some real attention, the message you were interested in is lost in crowd. The message has to grab me right away to get a response.

Messages that get a response from me:

- Different in some way - yeah I know, that is hard to do.

- Are casual and funny. Maybe add something about what you did that day. I like messages that act as if we are already friends. Non demanding, friendly and fun. If you can make me laugh you will get a response.

- Mentions something that I said in my profile. This is a huge plus. Especially if they ask me a question about it.

Message that are automatically deleted:

- Obviously generic. If I'm not worth your time, you aren't worth mine.

- One liners like "you are SO hot!"

- Where they clearly didn't read my profile

- Where the person puts themselves down "I know I'm out of your league but.."

- Demands a meet right away

- Uses overly flowerly language and talks about "soul mates" and "fate".

- Reads like a formal job interview

January 8, 2011

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

Ok. I've stopped laughing now. Sorry about that.

All I do in my profile is say a bit about about all my outdoor sports/activities/interests. Some of my photos show me doing some of the sporty things, but I'm not a top-level athlete or super fit so I keep my shirt on. I then say that I'm looking for someone who likes some outdoor activities and that she should be intelligent and able to write in complete sentences. That's about it, but expanded a bit with some details.

I don't message every profile with a pretty photo - sometimes I pass them by because I can't see anything in their profile that makes me think they would like the same things as me (even if they look totally gorgeous). I don't pass by every profile with just an average photo, especially if she likes the same sporty things as me, because I know that pretty photos aren't everything. Of course there are profiles with photos that I find very unattractive, so I leave those for people who do find them attractive (beauty being in the eye of the beholder). I never message people if their profile clearly shows they aren't interested (eg if I'm outside their preferred age range) no matter how much I think it shouldn't matter or how much I think everything else is a perfect match.

My initial contact emails are much much shorter than this post, and always make specific reference to things in her profile (and sometimes drawing a link back to mine, but I don't always manage that). I always ask a question, because I think that makes it easier to respond, but I know not everyone agrees with this. For example, if her profile says she likes travelling I might ask which country she wants to visit next. I don't make comments about her appearance because I think that having a complete stranger tell you that you are beautiful sounds insincere (and I think some people find it creepy). I don't bother with phrases like "so why not look at my profile" or even "I like your profile" because the former is unnecessary and the latter banal.

It's not a perfect recipe for success, but I am getting some responses (1 or 2 in 10, but some of those are rejections). So, no complaints here.

January 8, 2011

Okay bud this is where I gracefully bow out. You obviously have all your own stuff to deal with and look at, and can't just blame it all on the women, really. You are coming off one way, like you are the best guy in the world, nice as Ghandi, as good looking as whoever, etc etc but when it comes down to nuts and bolts, you are not looking at you. The whole "I would bang her but" and the "would marry her but can't stand to see her naked" means you have issues too, to handle. You are not perfect...

....and you are looking for empathy, which I have given you shi*loads of,
but dude, you gotta look in the mirror, what are you not doing or bringing, or what is your role in not having successful relationships. A lot of men think they are blameless and handled everything right, maybe you have some sh* to work on too, just saying, it aint all abt the bad women who ignore you, you have to step up and deal with you....and your part...

If you are the type to have both sides of this personality, loving, sweet and typical guy bulls* mentality, then clearly you should be able to find what you are looking for. You cant play the desperate card, or I cant find anyone card, and also expect the top top top of the pack to all want you. There is gray, find it. Really....it aint all abt them, part of this is about you and perhaps unreal expectations and judgements.

Cause the men on here will tell you to be more of a dic* and just get laid and care for numero uno, and now we see that you can. Sorry if I now sound harsh, but I am too quick to empathize with everyones story without getting into more of details. I STILL have empathy for what happened, I just have a clearer picture of who you are. Sorry, you had me at hello, and just lost me a little...
the guys can handle this from here, peace out.....

Boooooo hooo
good luck in the dating world, u will be fine, you get used and you use people, it is what it is....you know that, you have done it..
peace brotha'

I'm not blaming it on the women. I think I even stated before that I must be doing something wrong. Yes obviously I need to improve something. In face to face encounters I feel awkward sometimes because I don't know what to say, so I think that scares girls away. Actually I know it does because I'll watch them turn their back on me without saying a word and then walk away. I think its rude, but whatever.

But not wanting to be with an unattractive girl does not mean that I have issues. I may have issues, but that's not one of them. Yes I have standards and that's a good thing. I don't think my standards are unrealistic. I just want a girl that I can be both physically attracted to, and also connect with emotionally. What's wrong with that? I know that isn't the source of my misfortune with women.

And I never claimed to be the best guy in the world. My point was I think I'm a pretty good catch, and therefore should have a lot more interest from girls if I was able to correct whatever my bottleneck is. But for you to just say "boo hoo, you'll be fine" is pretty far off because I've been single for the last 8 years, have only dated about 8 girls in that time, and 7 of those were only 1 date. There was 1 girl that I actually dated for a month, but wasn't attracted to her. So I don't think I will be fine without correcting some major issue.

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Does any attractive girl ever respond to a message sent to them on dating web sites?

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