Taking a "break" from a friend/crush.

[C'est La Vie]

He is just a friend. We have never officially dated or anything, as he has a long-term girlfriend. But the thing is, we have mutual feelings for each other. He has told me a few times that he likes me, but that he can't act on those feelings until his prior commitments are up - which I do admire, as I would never date a man that left a current girlfriend for somebody new; but why would he tell me, knowing nothing could be done? It's sheer torture.

 

You know, I've never even met his girlfriend. I don't even want to - not right now, as I'm not prepared. But last night he had a little get-together, and wanted me to go. I asked if his girlfriend would be there, he said, "Yes, but there won't be any problems. I would really like it if you came." A guy who is interested in a girl, would he really want her to meet his current girlfriend? We're friends... but still, it just feels weird. Not to mention, his girlfriend doesn't really like me... she feels that he pays more attention to me, than to her.

 

Anyways, he and I had a talk. I told him it was best that we went our separate ways for a while... seeing as how I have feelings for him, and those cannot be acted upon... and that it would make his girlfriend happy, and he should be focusing on ways to make her happy, not me. He didn't like this idea. He still wanted to keep in contact. But I told him it had to be done...

 

I miss him so much. But how can I be a "friend" to somebody I have such strong feelings for? and if I stay, it will only hurt his girlfriend even more in the end.

 

I figure if he and I are "meant to be," then we will be someday. I never felt as if he was "using" me, but these past couple of days I have had a couple of friends try to tell me that I could have just been something to "occupy" his "dead time." I find that very hard to believe. Very hard. But my friends are beginning to get me convinced of this.... maybe I was just something/someone to keep him occupied. I mean if he liked me, he would be with me, not her, right?

 

Anyways... here I am, confused and lonely. I miss my friend. But I know I'm doing what's best for me and his current gf in the long run.

 

I'm not going to "wait" around for him, but what are the chances... what are the chances that his "feelings" for me are sincere, and we'll have a chance someday? What are the chances that our friendship will be reunited? How long will I have to live with this pain of not having my friend around?

[Keridan]

I can't answer on the chances, cuz those are very complicated variables. However, I do have to say that you did the right thing even if it was the hard thing to do. You can't sit there and torture both of you until a mistake is made. It's not good for anyone involved. You should keep to your guns and hope for the best, but don't give up and get close to him again. It can't end well unless he breaks up with his girl on his own.

 

I doubt you occupied his dead time, but I'm sure he was in conflict. He needs to decide what he wants. This is very close to an emotional affair. He needs to break up with his girlfriend if he can't be exclusive to her. Preferably he will do that on his own and not because of you. Again, it doesn't end well if it's your passion and drives decisions.

 

I'm very sorry you are hurting! You really are doing the right thing! I hope the dice do roll in your favor (even if it's not life with him).

[C'est La Vie]

I know I did the right thing, too. It pains me, because we talked to each other each and every day. He is the sweetest guy, and we have this sort of understanding with each other. But in the end, if I stay around and "try" to be a friend to him, it's only going to cause pain for all three of us. I can already see the likely scenarios: His girlfriend becomes even more jealous, then dumps him; my feelings begin to develop stronger and stronger, but he finally says that he is never leaving the girlfriend and I have no chance; they break up, and he blames me, thus leaving us without a friendship. By staying around, I see no likely positive outcomes in the end.

 

By leaving the friendship behind for a while though... maybe we can eventually be friends without feelings getting in the way... or maybe we will become more than friends. And if neither of these happen, at least it will help me "heal" quicker, huh?

 

I just don't know what to do in the meantime. What if it's a year or more before I ever see or talk to him again? What if we never talk again? I'm losing a friend, and somebody I really care about.

 

Another thing that sucks about this situation is that... I've had that "fire" in me turned off for quite some time. No guy could ever quite 'capture' me. Then, he came along... the one thing that sparked that fire in me once again, is now the same thing that's causing me to lose it again.

[Keridan]

I think you should try to see it as a good thing to find out that your fire can can be heated back up by a special person. You can still get excited, but it takes a specific mix of things.

 

Unfortunately, since all the potential bad in this set up, you have to keep to your current plan. You won't get answers on when or if you can go back to being friends with him. Once that spark is there, it will likely ignite whenever you see him and you might have to keep a distance until something changes in your personal lives.

 

It's very not easy, but you have to focus on you and maybe other friends for a while. You have to try not to worry about him. Be open to other dates if they come along, but mostly just give yourself something else to do and some other people to keep your mind off the sad. Of course there is no easy fix, but better to distract than to focus on what we are trying to keep away from. If you're on a diet, you try not to sit and focus on chocolate cake all day and avoid all other foods, right?

 

Sorry again for what you are going through. You really do have your head on straight about it though. I'm very impressed.

[C'est La Vie]

I guess it is a good thing to know that my inner fire can still be heated up, given the right person. It's just a shame that the "right person" is actually the "wrong person" you know? What if it continues to go this way? What if the next "right person" is all wrong as well, and I end up hurt again and again?

 

I laid in bed last night for a while, just thinking about everything. I realized that even if he and I did have the opportunity to be a "couple" right now, it probably wouldn't work out. I have some things in my own life that I need to work out before I can give myself to another person... and judging by his words/actions, he may not even know what he really wants in life just yet. The way I see it, if I were to ever be "with" him, I would want it to last a lifetime (or at least for a very long time,) but that that would be nearly impossible right now, I fear.

 

Right now, I feel like I want to run and leave everything behind. I've been considering the military for several years now, but I've always been too scared to take that leap and join for the fear of leaving family behind. Maybe I should just march right down to the recruiting office today and sign the papers? I'll have no choice but to follow through with it then.

 

Honestly, I fear this won't be a good day. I may be doing the right thing, but how can the right thing feel so wrong and leave me feeling so numb? I've already called into work for the day. I just feel like any small obstacle to come in my way today would cause me to lose my composure... and I don't feel like being around all of the people today.

 

Everything happens for a reason, but I can't help but to feel a miserable wreck. I miss my friend. And now that you mention it.... I think I want to go get an entire chocolate cake and eat it right now.

[Movingthrough]

I guess it is a good thing to know that my inner fire can still be heated up, given the right person. It's just a shame that the "right person" is actually the "wrong person" you know? What if it continues to go this way? What if the next "right person" is all wrong as well, and I end up hurt again and again?

 

I laid in bed last night for a while, just thinking about everything. I realized that even if he and I did have the opportunity to be a "couple" right now, it probably wouldn't work out. I have some things in my own life that I need to work out before I can give myself to another person... and judging by his words/actions, he may not even know what he really wants in life just yet. The way I see it, if I were to ever be "with" him, I would want it to last a lifetime (or at least for a very long time,) but that that would be nearly impossible right now, I fear.

 

Right now, I feel like I want to run and leave everything behind. I've been considering the military for several years now, but I've always been too scared to take that leap and join for the fear of leaving family behind. Maybe I should just march right down to the recruiting office today and sign the papers? I'll have no choice but to follow through with it then.

 

Honestly, I fear this won't be a good day. I may be doing the right thing, but how can the right thing feel so wrong and leave me feeling so numb? I've already called into work for the day. I just feel like any small obstacle to come in my way today would cause me to lose my composure... and I don't feel like being around all of the people today.

 

Everything happens for a reason, but I can't help but to feel a miserable wreck. I miss my friend. And now that you mention it.... I think I want to go get an entire chocolate cake and eat it right now.

 

I wouldnt make a drastic decision like the military just fight off the pain. But i think i see what you are getting at, like with me, you are wondering "where" your head should be at. I think that every day, i have this weird feeling in my gut that i will hear from my ex at some point, but i dont know if it will be a day or year. The problem with these situations is they wouldnt work out and we both know it. My ex now has a new guy, just like your crush, the reality is if someone is with someone else then they are not available. I read that on here and it actually made me go NC. Its the simplest things that we can get through our head but when you talk to someone every day and then it stops, you wonder what to do.

 

Even today i have been home sick and i sit here and think wow i know she is off with that guy having a great time and im on LS.com reading about how to let go, its a crazy thing but it also indirectly tells us that we got some things to work on so we DONT care if this ever happens again.