seaworld Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Here is my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256348/ Just wanted some opinions. so early Dec.. I went NC for about 2 wks, then she texted me and said we should meet up to cancel bank accounts, so that's when I asked her if she's talking to someone, and she replied, yes, but just dating, not official. A couple days later, by myself, and started to get emotional, and a little angry at her, so I texted her..."This is too much for me, why did you give up on us? why didnt u give us another chance!?!" Yes I realized I took 3 steps back.. after that, she didnt contact me the whole Xmas break to meet up. So ever since that, another 2 wks NC, I go back out of town for school. So out of nowhere, she messages me online... Here is a copy of it 1/4/11 EX GF is available 6:05 pm EX GF 6:05 pm hey how are you doing? how was your boards over break ME 6:23 pm hey! i cancelled it one day too late.. paid $150 i didnt take it EX GF 6:23 pm oh y not ME 6:24 pm i didnt study at all wasnt ready EX GF 6:24 pm ic how are rotations going ME 6:25 pm its okay.. i suppose u? doing family? ME 6:26 pm nobody taught n e thing moved board exam to july 9 EX GF 6:27 pm ic rotatiosn goign ok ME 6:28 pm so r u guys official now? EX GF 6:30 pm nope Bob was joking about me pawning the ring as their wedding present and i told him im waiting to give it back to u EX GF 6:30 pm id want u to take it back and get some money or something back for it ME 6:31 pm im not going to ask u n e thing personal.. but can u just tell me.. when it becomes official? Bob told me he was going to pawn it not u EX GF 6:31 pm haha Bob a doofus he told me to go pawn it why do u wanna know when its official ME 6:31 pm i just do ME 6:32 pm u know me.. im the type that would rather know than to wonder im not going to sell it i was thinking if i ever have a daughter.. that i would give it to her as a pendant when she's older EX GF 6:33 pm yeah ME 6:35 pm is it going to happen? u and him?... is it just a matter of time? EX GF 6:35 pm probably how was ur break ME 6:35 pm i slept a lot EX GF 6:36 pm thats good ME 6:36 pm i fit my old suit again haha the pants EX GF 6:36 pm haha good job ME 6:37 pm “Friend” said. u seemed really happy EX GF 6:37 pm im always happy ME 6:37 pm about life EX GF 6:38 pm my happiness about life has nothing to do with not being with u or anything with “Friend” im generally happy ME 6:49 pm u know.. the hardest part for me throughout all this?.. out of everything.. is that i miss u as my best friend.. ME 6:53 pm when u r out... and it seems everything is perfect... just remember how perfect and happy we were in the beginning too.. and how long we stayed on that high.. EX GF 7:01 pm ok EX GF 7:03 pm im sorry hopefully u find someone else to confide in EX GF 7:13 pm next time u come home ill give it back to u ME 7:13 pm ok EX GF 7:29 pm have fun on ur rotations and work hard =) 2 hrs after she got off, i texted her to call me, so I can have a little closure and ask her a few questions. i was surprised she did, since she has ignored my attempt to talk to her ever since the breakup on 10/19/2010. This is the first time I have talked to her since the breakup. I pretty much asked why she didn't let me know our problems bothered her that bad, to a point of breakup... she couldn't give me an answer. I then asked was it the talk she had with my friend's fiance 3 wks prior to the breakup that made you realize that you weren't happy... still no real answer. One of her complaints to one of my friend was that I drove her crazy at home. I asked her what was it that drove you crazy? and she just said, I spend too much time on the comp and do nothing... The only thing I can come up with, is that she just fell out of love with me, or got too used to me, that everything I did started to annoy her. I asked her if she fell out of love with me, and she just said... I guess, she wouldn't admit it. Of note, she tried being very brief with me, tried giving me attitude, like what is it? what do you need? i need to study.. So anyways, I think I was able to get in her head a little bit. Reason being, after I talked to her, and a couple hrs later, I signed off AIM and went to sleep. She comes back on, and messages me something totally useless, absolutely of no importance. EX GF 12:11 am the new question bank allows u to have other windows open now This message was completely random of anything. Any thoughts guys? My analysis is that she still genuinely care and maybe have a little doubt about the breakup, but not enough to get back, and that she has this new guy now that complicates things, that she just can't go back, but at the same time, I am still on her mind. I messaged her on AIM while she was away to tell her it was this day last yr i proposed to her. The next day I texted her that I saw a kid in the hospital similar to one we saw when we volunteered together when we first started dating. I am trying to get in her head, without annoying her. After this, I plan on doing NC till she contacts me again. I know its a long shot for us to get back, but I can't help but overanalyze everything right now.
Karma20 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Honestly to me it doesn't sound like she has any doubts. I would go NC and move forward. I know its had to not over analyze things but until she says she made a mistake and wants to get back together, I think its in your best interest to assume she's just being friendly.
Author seaworld Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) Honestly to me it doesn't sound like she has any doubts. I would go NC and move forward. I know its had to not over analyze things but until she says she made a mistake and wants to get back together, I think its in your best interest to assume she's just being friendly. Thx for being honest.. I do agree with you as well. I guess the most hurtful part of that conversation was when she said "probably".... Just sucks being completely helpless in the situation. Edited January 8, 2011 by seaworld adding
ByMyselfForNow Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I must agree with Karma on this. I think it's in YOUR best interest to go totally NC. In my opinion, she seems to have moved on and only sees you as a friend. But believe me, you can't handle being her "friend" at the moment and you can't win her back that way. Just focus on yourself and stick to NC.
9Lives Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Yeah I wouldnt try to be her friend or anything. She is in the "all about me" mode. You will mostly like get very hurt being her friend or whatever. I would distance myself
Leandro Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 You need to go NC. yea, I know you don't have the closure you want and I'm sorry. You probably won't tell you for a while.
poorguy Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Dude let me ask you something. How did those messages between you and her make you feel afterwords???? My guess is it made you feel terrible??? She is using you for an emotional support while she is doing whatever she wants to do. Your waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy too available to her and not available to yourself. At this point (trust me on this one) it's not about her, the relationship, whatu had when you met, etc, it's about YOU and only you. Stopp and I mean stop talking to her period. NC isn't about 2 weeks or 3 weeks, it's designed to be a much longer period of time for you to heal, while not giving the other the benifit of your attention.
Author seaworld Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 Dude let me ask you something. How did those messages between you and her make you feel afterwords???? My guess is it made you feel terrible??? She is using you for an emotional support while she is doing whatever she wants to do. Your waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy too available to her and not available to yourself. At this point (trust me on this one) it's not about her, the relationship, whatu had when you met, etc, it's about YOU and only you. Stopp and I mean stop talking to her period. NC isn't about 2 weeks or 3 weeks, it's designed to be a much longer period of time for you to heal, while not giving the other the benifit of your attention. This whole situation has been killing me slowly, tearing me apart emotionally and physically. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, it got worse. I know at this point, it's going to happen and there's nothing I can do about it. I told her I just want to know when it does happen, I feel at least I deserve that much. I thought maybe I could move one, when she's finally have a bf, but I still can't. It just hurts even more. I saw pictures of him, he's a good looking guy, with a lot of girlfriends, maybe somewhat of a player, I don't know. i don't think that he will be "the one", but just the thought of them going through the process, dating and being gf/bf and her being intimate is killing me, and I can't seem to shake it from my mind. Add insult to injury, how this relationship could have been saved, how it was just a simple girl talk with a friend 3 wks b4 the breakup was what led to it is also driving me crazy. Its just like that movie inception, how an idea can become a virus, that has changed the course of my life, it just seems so ridiculous to me, but at the same time, it actually happened.
Author seaworld Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 You need to go NC. yea, I know you don't have the closure you want and I'm sorry. You probably won't tell you for a while. At this point, I already know why she broke up with me. It's because she fell out of love with me, got used to me, and because of this, everything I did started to annoy her. During this time, we still talked everyday, were each other's best friends, and still did stuff together. Just sucks she never told me, or even tried to get that love back, and just decided it was better to leave this relationship. I would like to just hear it from her, face to face, without her giving me attitude and her cutting it short. I thought I deserved that much, but she never gave it to me.
poorguy Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I have been exactly where you are right this second. I'm telling you hit about 40 days of NC, that means no texting, calling, snooping FB, IM, bbm-none of it...And no returning calls-nothing and then tell me how you feel...'m telling you, you'll still think of her but that sharp pain you have now will be dull OK- important point here-you don't need to know when anything in her life is official. That won't help you...The only thing that will help you is NOTHING!!!! Nothing will bring you closure all on it's own Understand this also. I wrote it on a thread last night and it's just the f-ing truth. Do you know that you are going to meet another girl? YES you will!!! You know what's going to more than likely happen when you do?? I'll tell you what it is. Well you see when you meet another girl some other guy is going to be on these forums or what not wondering all about you and your new girl (his ex)...It's all a cycle and people have their places in said cycle. Your just in the part of the cycle nobody likes-and for good reason
Author seaworld Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 alright guys.. I need advice once again. eVer since that message on 1/4/10 posted above, I sent her some feelers, messaged her when she's offline reminded her it was 1 yr anniversary of our engagement. On 1/10/11, she messaged me again for something stupid, that she knows i have no interest in, something about downloading a internet book. The next day, I sent her a text telling her I saw a case in a hospital that reminded of our volunteer times. Then on 1/23/10, she messaged me again, to register for this website to do free practice questions. she knows I dont care about any of that, but yet she still messages me, but this time, she just messaged it to me and left without giving me a chance to reply. I'm faced with 2 decisions right now. As of now, the only thing I care about is increasing my chances of getting back with her, not so much for me getting over her. My 2 choices are, continue to be friendly with her, and take whatever friendship she gives me, and hopefully maybe become good friends and one day get back. Or, go absolute NC with her, ignore her. Once again, if we are ignoring my needs of getting over her, which one of the scenarios will have a better chance of reconciliation, even though both are small at this point. thanks
LifeIsGreat Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Seaworld..... you are a glutton for punishment, aren't you?
0hpenelope Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 seaworld, I read your thread and the way you're approaching her is no dice for reconciliation. Your every move is empowering her. You're ruining your own chances of getting back together with her. We advocate NC because everything else falls into place with it. You heal. You move on. Being absent from her life doesn't guarantee that she will be curious about you, but the way you're acting, you're ensuring that she actually will not care if she doesn't hear from you again. Anything you do for the ex in an attempt to reconcile will do the exact opposite. Being her friend will just cement you in the friend zone. You want her back? Most second chances that work out involved time apart. You want a higher probability in your favor? Let go. Move on. Meet other people. Work on yourself. You'll be okay with or without her. The most important thing is you'll be okay without her.
suddendumpee Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 You want to increase your chances of getting her back? Disappear suddenly and completely from her life.
guitarxkid Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 seaworld, I posted here about 2 weeks ago talking about my problems with the girl that I love who broke up with me. I was/am very much in your situation and even right now I would give so much to get back with my ex. 2 weeks ago I started no contact, and like your girl, my ex has called me or whatever a couple times about dumb things (and yes, it got me wondering what that meant). Listen to me when I say this, you need to go NC and focus on yourself. Do anything that will better yourself and separate yourself from your ex. I wish so badly that I could go back to right after the break up (we broke up 6 months ago) and not beg and try and be friends and talk to her every day (she was my best friend too) for the past 6 months because it put me in a horrible position. As someone up above said, how did you feel after that IM conversation. You felt horrible didn't you, hearing about her new boyfriend? You can avoid that feelings completely with NC and maybe if your lucky enough, she will eventually realize she misses you and come running back to you. But the point is, distance yourself from her as far as possible with no contact until you are comfortable with the situation and no longer have feelings for her. Listen to the people on this website. I've gone 2 weeks no contact so far and its really hard, I'm in the same situation as you where I just want to be with her again... Stay strong and don't talk to her
Author seaworld Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 She messaged me today. Just 2 days earlier, i pretty much left her a message saying im not over her, and that her messaging me gives me hope, hinting she should not message me anymore. and then today i get this EX GF 8:57 pm hey how are rotations going ME 9:14 pm hey.. its going okay, just self study you? EX GF same lots of self study I'm really sorry for hurting you You're a great guy and you will make some girl very happy one day ME 9:21 pm its okay ME 9:22 pm part of love... is learning to let go ME 9:24 pm i just honestly think what you broke up with me over... is common long term relationship problems that everybody will encounter.. maybe im right, maybe im wrong... only you really know why you did it i hope you will find your happiness EX GF 9:25 pm im not dating that guy anymore....he didnt see a future with me haha ME 9:27 pm i'm sorry EX GF 9:27 pm dont be ME 9:28 pm did u fall for him? r u hurt? EX GF 9:28 pm no no ME 9:29 pm i have a personal questino EX GF 9:29 pm what nvm ME 9:29 pm do you still love me? EX GF 9:29 pm dont ask no im sorry ME 9:30 pm did you guys go far? EX GF 9:30 pm no ok gotta study ME 9:33 pm bye Good sign? or doesnt matter? Could pride be an issue with her?
0hpenelope Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) She messaged me today. Just 2 days earlier, i pretty much left her a message saying im not over her, and that her messaging me gives me hope, hinting she should not message me anymore. and then today i get this ... Good sign? or doesnt matter? Could pride be an issue with her? Oh, seaworld... You are making yourself a poster child of what dumpees on LS don't want to be. She's not leaving you alone because she knows you will respond to her. Respect yourself more, will you? Don't settle for this, she says she doesn't love you anymore. Be firm. Stick to your guns. Don't even tell her that you're going to disappear, just do it. You're helping her along with getting over you and you're still stuck. There's no analysis needed here. It's straightforward. Some people need to learn some lessons the hard way, but if this arrangement with her makes you happy and that temporary happiness is worth the setback to your healing, good luck to you. It's not a good sign. This exchange is not good for you at all. Hope is a good thing, but not like this. Edited February 8, 2011 by 0hpenelope
fiat500 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) ew. can anyone tell me why dumpers like her go out of their way to bother you and set you up so that you can look pathetic to them???? they're just DARING you to ask that question 'do you still love me?' so that they can shoot you down!!!! you asked her to stop talking to you (that's fine but you HAVE to NOT answer her texts) and she talks to you anyway. Edited February 8, 2011 by fiat500
0hpenelope Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 ew. can anyone tell me why dumpers like her go out of their way to bother you and set you up so that you can look pathetic to them???? they're just DARING you to ask that question 'do you still love me?' so that they can shoot you down!!!! you asked her to stop talking to you (that's fine but you HAVE to NOT answer her texts) and she talks to you anyway. Yeah, it's terrible. What she's doing is not healthy for him right now. She doesn't care about the boundaries he's established, he's going to have to be more firm about enforcing it, no matter how much it hurts him. It's cruel. The dumpers who want the space and actually executed that want by breaking up with the dumpees... it's really messed up how they can just break up because that's what they want to do, but when the dumpees actually put in the effort to establish boundaries in order to keep the dumper out, these kinds of dumpers will just trample all over that like they have the right. Isn't that what they want? To be rid of the relationship? It's cruel and upsetting. It's up to the dumpee to take care of himself/herself. seaworld, take care of yourself. Do not respond to her. 8)Emergency measures: If you run into your ex. If you can roll out before they see you, bail. YOU CANNOT HANDLE what they have to say to you. If you can't bail, wave, smile, roll out (somethings are better left unsaid). If you are trapped and you have to talk, follow these rules A) do not give any info out about you B) do not request info about them C)You are busy, state this nicely, with smile, roll out. You have just saved yourself a ton of pain and you are also mysterious, they think that they're not worth your time (they're not). Sentence in bold: rinse, lather, repeat.
Author seaworld Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 hey guys.. i appreaciate what you guys are saying, but at this point right now, I've accepted the breakup, I'm still hurting, but I am able to continue with my schooling and do stuff without affecting my life majorly. I know what you guys only see what I post, but she really was a great gf, more than anybody could ask, and if there is any chance at all to get back with her, I want to maximize it. And when she messaged me, I thought for 20 minutes whether i should reply, but I just can't do it. I knew she was going to say no to the "i love you" part, but I was just curious what she would say. Even if she still did, she wouldn't tell me, as in a way, I think she has too much pride. I think my best chance is to go NC, and just respond to her when she makes contact with me. I can't ignore her as I know she's the type that if I ignore, she will just move on and I'll lose any chance with her. The thing is, i'm seeing her in 1.5 wks, for a friends wedding. I'll see her, I'am curious how it will pan out.
Author seaworld Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 hey guys.. i'am at a cross road once again. I need an opinion on what I should do. I just got back from the wedding, and we went together with a group of friends. The thing about this wedding is, it has all my friends in it, and pretty much none of hers, but the time we were together, she has become close friends to some of mine, but has not really hung out with them much since the breakup. I know she missed that, and really enjoyed the day with them. During the whole wedding, we really enjoyed each other's company, we joked, we laughed, and i made reference to our old history and she laughed about some things. It went really well. After that, I fixed her car while she waited at my house. I never brought up that i wanted to get back, or asked her about her personal life now, nothing was awkward. At some point, it felt like we were still together. She called me "honey" by accident twice, and I did it once. I definately made her miss what we used to have, and I'm certain that the "100% not getting back" mentality when she broke up with me has changed and that there is a little bit of doubt in her mind now After everything, this is what she messaged me. "thanks again for coming to sit with me and bringing "BABY BOY" and "BABY GIRL" by. it meant a lot to me. thanks for looking at my car and for the tshirt" and then for the first time, she messaged me on my phone before she slept "good night. have a safe trip home" So now, Iam back out of town for schooling, and have no plans on going back to my home town for a long time. I see her online right now, but I am invisible, and for the first time, Iam certain she is waiting for me to see that I got home okay. What should I do guys? Get online, and start talking to her as friends, and act like I am over it, or be aloof? Dissapear from the world in her view and make her wonder about me? What is the best way to approach this, that will give me the best chance. This is really a tough decision here.
loveforever Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 What should I do guys? Get online, and start talking to her as friends, and act like I am over it, or be aloof? Dissapear from the world in her view and make her wonder about me? What is the best way to approach this, that will give me the best chance. This is really a tough decision here. No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! You are in a great position right now !!!!!! Your best chance is to keep no contact !!!!! If she texts or messages ignore it....at least for a couple of days....then you can answer with a "Sorry have been terribly busy"..... No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!! No Contact !!!!!!!!!!
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