jpyankees22 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Wow, I'm not even sure where to start here and I know this will be long but please bear with me. I am a 26 year old male and she is 20, we've been dating for 2 years. She has been madly in love with me the whole time, buying me expensive gifts and taking me on trips and what not. I hadn't been very thoughtful or caring towards her and a lot of times I was downright mean to her. So after 2 years of this she had been contacted by a dude on facebook and they hit off from there. Talked for about a month and then she decided I didn't treat her right anymore and decided she would end it. We didn't see each other for about a week and she finally came over and said her goodbyes to me before she went to have sex with this guy for the first time. Needless to say I am devestated. I did the begging and pleading and the ultimatums...all the wrong moves but she continued to talk to me and come see me for two months and she decided to sleep with both of us the whole time. She would claim she didn't want to date him and that she loved me but continued to see both of us. Finally she started seeing me more and spending the night at my house. By this time, he had already gotten in good with her family and they love him (they hate me). She has told him in front of me to leave her alone and he says he will wait however long it takes for her to come back. So finally we decide we will get back together as long as there is no contact between them. We made it about 2 months and I had been suspicious of her the whole entire time. I decided to put spyware on her phone and see if my suspicions were correct. Guess what? They were. She had been seeing this guy the whole 2 months and cheating on me. I finally caught her and confronted her after I went out and had sex with someone out of spite. We had a huge arguement and I didn't speak to her for two days. She blew up my phone those two days and I finally talked to her and she came over and we had sex to make up. She admitted to me she went and had sex with him after she found out I had done the same out of spite. That was 4 weeks ago. She claims they haven't talked but I still have my suspicions. I still track her phone and they don't text any more and he will call now and again but I feel like she's contacting him still using some other form of communication. I feel like he's stopping by when I'm working. She says she loves me and to give her time to get him out of her life and that it's not that easy. I don't know what to do. There is more to this but that is basically the jist of the story. PLEASE HELP!
Lovegood Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I have to agree with Joe on this one. This relationship was unhealthy from the very beginning. Regardless of if she is cheating again or not, you should end this.
Chi townD Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Really?? Come on. Okay, if this is for real, then this is probably one of the most toxic relationships I've ever read about. If she needs time to end it with him, give her all the time she needs, like FOREVER!!!! And you! Why would you stoop down to her level! Did you feel better in the long run after you did the deed? You used and innocent girl to get back at your girlfriend. Get yourself checked out, end the relationship and move on.
Distant78 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Just dump the girl. She's a liar and a cheat. Regardless what went down in the relationship, you didn't push her to cheat. She did that herself. Find someone who will never do this to you.
seibert253 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 What is there to say ? You are both very immature and not ready for relationships. You doing things out of spite, her cheating on you. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship rather a spiteful tit for tat scenario. ^^^^ This You both need to be single for awhile, a long while. Part ways and go in peace.
Woman In Blue Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Good Christ, why does my brain bleed every time I read this childish nonsense? It's like hanging out at the junior high school all over again. Why oh WHY can't there be a separate board for immature youngin's who haven't yet mastered how to live their lives NOT through their genitals? Jesus.
Allisha Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Good Christ, why does my brain bleed every time I read this childish nonsense? It's like hanging out at the junior high school all over again. Why oh WHY can't there be a separate board for immature youngin's who haven't yet mastered how to live their lives NOT through their genitals? Jesus. Each to their own and all that, but honestly, I really don't see the point of your post. It's not helpful, constructive or in any way a reply to the OP, just someone older who thinks they're oh so mature looking down on others. On topic. I agree with the others, this is a completely unhealthy situation. To me, it doesn't really matter whether or not she's cheating anymore, the fact is, she did. And she's a liar. You do, and please don't take offence, have a bit of growing up to do. You can't do this whilst you're in the kind of relationship you are. Two wrongs certainly don't make a right, and going out and sleeping with someone to get back at her just lowers you to her level.. and she's certainly not worth it. Learn from this. You can always be the better person when relationships go this way. End it with her, sweetie, you're just delaying the inevitable if you don't. Good luck, and update us!
LAO Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I decided to put spyware on her phone and see if my suspicions were correct. Guess what? They were. She had been seeing this guy the whole 2 months and cheating on me. I finally caught her and confronted her after I went out and had sex with someone out of spite. If you were somebody else reading this, what would you think? You're both extremely immature. You treated her like garbage for two years, so she found another man. (Good for her.) She's probably codependent on you treating her like crap, so ends up cheating on the nicer guy for you. You should have just let her go her separate way. But no, now she cheated on you, (you should have expected this) and you start checking up on her and putting SPYWARE on her phone and you're STILL checking on it. (If I knew you were doing so, and I was in a relationship with you, I'd be running... fast.) THEN, when you found out she DID cheat you slept with someone else?! I forgot you both weren't in high school. I'm younger than her, and find this one of the most immature situations ever...
Allisha Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I decided to put spyware on her phone and see if my suspicions were correct. Guess what? They were. She had been seeing this guy the whole 2 months and cheating on me. I finally caught her and confronted her after I went out and had sex with someone out of spite. If you were somebody else reading this, what would you think? You're both extremely immature. You treated her like garbage for two years, so she found another man. (Good for her.) She's probably codependent on you treating her like crap, so ends up cheating on the nicer guy for you. You should have just let her go her separate way. But no, now she cheated on you, (you should have expected this) and you start checking up on her and putting SPYWARE on her phone and you're STILL checking on it. (If I knew you were doing so, and I was in a relationship with you, I'd be running... fast.) THEN, when you found out she DID cheat you slept with someone else?! I forgot you both weren't in high school. I'm younger than her, and find this one of the most immature situations ever... Good for her for finding another man?! Are you being serious? She cheated on him. No amount of immaturity deserves that. I seriously hope you're not condoning her behaviour. If she was the better person here, she would have left him before dropping her pants to another man. They're both at fault, so tit for tat situations like this NEVER do any good, but there's no excuse for her behaviour either.
LAO Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Good for her for finding another man?! Are you being serious? She cheated on him. No amount of immaturity deserves that. I seriously hope you're not condoning her behaviour. If she was the better person here, she would have left him before dropping her pants to another man. They're both at fault, so tit for tat situations like this NEVER do any good, but there's no excuse for her behaviour either. Sorry, that came across in a totally different way than I meant it to be. Good for her for getting out of a relationship where she was unhappy, is what I meant. He seemed to care about her... Now, the cheating thing, she deserves whatever comes too her, and deserves the OP with that behavior. I don't feel bad for her in that situation at all.
Author jpyankees22 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Thank you everybody for your responses...I'm still with her now and I have my doubts but she is still very sweet to me and shows her love to me daily. I know I should be kicking this relationship to the curb but everytime I try to leave she blows up my phone with texts about how she can;t live without me, and blah blah etc. I should have expected the cheating I guess, I really love this girl and I know it has been brought to a crazy immaturity level with all of the BS but we still are veru much in love and can't seem to break away from each other....I know I am delaying the inevitable but she is crazy beautiful and an awesome lover, I love spending time with her and as much as I've changed in the last 6 months I believe sahe feels the same...I have tried no contact and she goes absolutely insane when I do it...idk what to do....
Author jpyankees22 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 And another thing, this other guy will absolutely not stop calling and texting her no matter what she says/does....she says he's in love with her and she doesn;t know how to get him to stop...she feels bad for him and thinks he's a great guy but doesn't see any type of relationship feeling for him....I don;t understand why she just won't tell him to eff off!!!!
Bryanp Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 If the roles were reversed do you think she would be accepting this the way you are?
Allisha Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Thank you everybody for your responses...I'm still with her now and I have my doubts but she is still very sweet to me and shows her love to me daily. I know I should be kicking this relationship to the curb but everytime I try to leave she blows up my phone with texts about how she can;t live without me, and blah blah etc. I should have expected the cheating I guess, I really love this girl and I know it has been brought to a crazy immaturity level with all of the BS but we still are veru much in love and can't seem to break away from each other....I know I am delaying the inevitable but she is crazy beautiful and an awesome lover, I love spending time with her and as much as I've changed in the last 6 months I believe sahe feels the same...I have tried no contact and she goes absolutely insane when I do it...idk what to do.... Bold bit: this is called emotional blackmail. Yet another sign of immaturity. Italic bit: People in love don't do what you two have done. Underlined: Please take my advice and end this. You know it's not right and you know it'll come eventually. There ARE other "crazy beautiful/awesome lovers" in the world. And sadly, this aint the one for you. And judging by how immature you've both been, you need some alone time (a cliché, but true). And another thing, this other guy will absolutely not stop calling and texting her no matter what she says/does....she says he's in love with her and she doesn;t know how to get him to stop...she feels bad for him and thinks he's a great guy but doesn't see any type of relationship feeling for him....I don;t understand why she just won't tell him to eff off!!!! Perhaps, she doesn't want him to eff off. She probably enjoys the attention.
Author jpyankees22 Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 So I have decided i am going to break it off. I'm not sure how to do this and keep get from blowing my phone up and making me feel guilty enough to come back. I don't want to face the loneliness and sadness but I know it needs to happen. I know she's going to run straight to the other guy and start hanging out/sleeping with him and i can't stand the thought of it. I just don't know how to go about ending it and making sure it's permanent this time, any advice?
Bryanp Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would put up with type of crap that you have been putting up with? You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. Her actions indicate a lack of respect toward you and your relationship. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Allisha Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) So I have decided i am going to break it off. I'm not sure how to do this and keep get from blowing my phone up and making me feel guilty enough to come back. I don't want to face the loneliness and sadness but I know it needs to happen. I know she's going to run straight to the other guy and start hanging out/sleeping with him and i can't stand the thought of it. I just don't know how to go about ending it and making sure it's permanent this time, any advice? I'm glad you've made the decision to do this Time will heal, I promise. Regarding the phone stuff; change your number. Sit her down and just say "I don't think this is going to work out, because..[insert your speech here]...I want to break up, and there is no going back. Please respect that." Honestly, it doesn't matter if she runs to another guy or not - you're out of an unhealthy relationship, which is a GOOD thing, regardless of how bad you feel. Any updates? Edited January 16, 2011 by Allisha
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