HeavenOrHell Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Ex left me 18 months ago after 18 years, I was never insecure in our r/ship, nor was I needy (one of the reasons we split is cos he didn't feel needed/loved the last few years), I've been in an LDR the last 9 months and I know people in LDR's are more prone to feel insecure and over think things, but I also feel I am insecure since my ex left and I don't know what to do about it I feel I'm being too needy in my new r/ship, ugh, and looking for signs/proof of his love for me, or signs that he's going to leave me, I often feel like pushing him away so that he can never hurt me. How do I fully heal from my last r/ship, how do I feel secure in my new one after being in such a solid r/ship for so long and yet we still split, we were one of those couples everyone thinks will be together forever, we thought so too. I was single for 9 months after we split, went through hell, but maybe that wasn't long enough, but it feels like 10 years on my own wouldn't heal my insecurities and doubts. Maybe I should go back to r/ship counselling, I went after my ex left. I really don't want to lose my partner, we have something special, something I thought I wouldn't find again. I'm scared
McGrupp Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 hey, i think you should just go with it naturally. i feel some of the same urges in my new relationship, ie becoming super needy (b/c of the x), looking for signs she's leaving and asking 35 quesions after she went out for a night or pulling guilt trips. if you start to feel these things, realize what your doing and just stop. if he decided to leave or cheat thats his right, and you would be fine, as you were before, right? thats the way i think and I try to do things I want to so that if something does happen im still pursuing my goals and aspirations.
D78 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I'm sorry you're having doubts from your ex enter your new relationship. It's understandable. Could you tell your new SO that you know he is not like your ex, but the pain of your break-up caused you to be a bit insecure, you're doing your best to work through this insecurity, and ask him to tell you when you are acting needy? Maybe the conversation could prevent him thinking you're nuts if you act a bit strange, and also help you not act as strange. I don't know if you're like me, but I occasionally don't realize I'm being irrational until after I'm done
Author HeavenOrHell Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 Hi, thanks for your reply He knows I'm a bit insecure cos of my ex leaving, he's very understanding, he was also left after a LTR, so we were in the same boat when we first got in touch 6 months after our break ups. Had a heavy chat with him last night, and a better one today, I feel more positive about things now. Both of us need to communicate better, I also need to to focus more on other things like work and not so much on us and over thinking things! I'm sorry you're having doubts from your ex enter your new relationship. It's understandable. Could you tell your new SO that you know he is not like your ex, but the pain of your break-up caused you to be a bit insecure, you're doing your best to work through this insecurity, and ask him to tell you when you are acting needy? Maybe the conversation could prevent him thinking you're nuts if you act a bit strange, and also help you not act as strange. I don't know if you're like me, but I occasionally don't realize I'm being irrational until after I'm done
Author HeavenOrHell Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 You're totally right McGrupp. I need to focus more on stuff outside of me and him, I'm starting to do that. Maybe I went into a new r/ship too soon (9 months after ex left), but I love him too much to walk away now, just need to tackle things differently... So good to hear you sounding stronger hey, i think you should just go with it naturally. i feel some of the same urges in my new relationship, ie becoming super needy (b/c of the x), looking for signs she's leaving and asking 35 quesions after she went out for a night or pulling guilt trips. if you start to feel these things, realize what your doing and just stop. if he decided to leave or cheat thats his right, and you would be fine, as you were before, right? thats the way i think and I try to do things I want to so that if something does happen im still pursuing my goals and aspirations.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 I like your swallow pic btw way D78, I love birds
D78 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Hi, thanks for your reply He knows I'm a bit insecure cos of my ex leaving, he's very understanding, he was also left after a LTR, so we were in the same boat when we first got in touch 6 months after our break ups. Had a heavy chat with him last night, and a better one today, I feel more positive about things now. Both of us need to communicate better, I also need to to focus more on other things like work and not so much on us and over thinking things! It sounds like you're communicating great, actually. Never mind my previous post
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