Author tigressA Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 I didn't go through near that many...there were 7 total for me. Actually, I had only met 5 of those. I just am not feeling good enough about the dating game now to continue playing it.
OceanGirl Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Wow, I really don't understand how some of you girls are going through so many men and not finding any LTR candidates. Pretty much every guy I date turns into a relationship of at least 3-6 months up to a couple of years. Maybe you're too picky, or I'm not picky enough... I usually know I'm interested in a guy before I even start dating him though. I don't date to find out if I like someone; I date someone because I like him, if that makes sense. When you meet someone through online dating there is no way to know if you like them until you meet them. I am also overly picky when it comes to who I would have a ltr with. And I have horrendously bad luck; every time I really like a guy he doesn't like me back.
Surrealist Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Well ladies, if worse comes to worse, I charge very competitive prices. Half price for sexy chicks, but only while stocks last.
Allisha Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) I'm seriously tempted to cancel my upcoming dates. I plan on taking my profile down for at least 2 months. Yay! Finally. Tigress, I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. I loved that log! It's strange that some of the guys you really had fun with, and thought the feeling was mutual, never even got back in contact with you again? Men are such asses sometimes! Good luck. Edited January 9, 2011 by Allisha fail.
northern_sky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I really wonder about guys who are online dating. The numbers you have to sift through to get to a decent guy is a lot of effort. Hope you're not considering going out with the Model. TBF, what does it say that every single guy I know well, including all the ones I've ever had serious crushes on or relationships with are on OKCupid. I find it a bit puzzling.
northern_sky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 It goes both ways, women are the worse... You have no idea how many women I've sifted through since June 2010... useless, feel like "taking a break" sometimes, but after a week, I'm back on the search, lol.. women are worse, they think they are looking through a "sears catalog" searching for their perfect "model" boyfriends.. Umm, men do the same thing. You're just unaware because you're looking at it from your experience.
northern_sky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I didn't go through near that many...there were 7 total for me. Actually, I had only met 5 of those. I just am not feeling good enough about the dating game now to continue playing it. Tigress we can be dating break buddies. I am fed up with guys right now and need to detox, regroup and get my life in order so I don't get bitter.
northern_sky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Wow, I really don't understand how some of you girls are going through so many men and not finding any LTR candidates. Pretty much every guy I date turns into a relationship of at least 3-6 months up to a couple of years. Maybe you're too picky, or I'm not picky enough... I usually know I'm interested in a guy before I even start dating him though. I don't date to find out if I like someone; I date someone because I like him, if that makes sense. are these guys you're meeting in person? That makes all the difference. All of the guys I've dated whom I met in person and weren't also dating online wanted serious relationships with me. Online dating sets up a catalogue shopping mentality where men have difficulty committing.
Author tigressA Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Thanks, Allisha. I'm glad you enjoyed my log. One thing I'm going to try to do is get out more than I have been, on my own. One of my close friends who I haven't seen in awhile is having her 21st b-day in a couple of weeks so I will be in attendance at her party. A whole pack of people from her grad school who are complete strangers to me will be there, so there's a lot of new-friend potential. It's tempting to just call someone up and have them ravage me for a night or two, it would be so easy. But I know in the end it won't be worth it because it's not the only thing I want...so am sticking to my guns. I'm a bit tired of the game. Just giving it a rest for a bit and then re-entering with a clear head.
northern_sky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Thanks, Allisha. I'm glad you enjoyed my log. One thing I'm going to try to do is get out more than I have been, on my own. One of my close friends who I haven't seen in awhile is having her 21st b-day in a couple of weeks so I will be in attendance at her party. A whole pack of people from her grad school who are complete strangers to me will be there, so there's a lot of new-friend potential. It's tempting to just call someone up and have them ravage me for a night or two, it would be so easy. But I know in the end it won't be worth it because it's not the only thing I want...so am sticking to my guns. I'm a bit tired of the game. Just giving it a rest for a bit and then re-entering with a clear head. Great! Sometimes I feel like online dating is too easy when you fear rejection. You get a lot of the initial rejection over with on the site. There's no need to flirt to interest someone. But if you put yourself out there you will probably find more quality men. I am also thrilled to hear you are sticking with your guns on the sex thing. You've come far.
northern_sky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Thanks, Allisha. I'm glad you enjoyed my log. One thing I'm going to try to do is get out more than I have been, on my own. One of my close friends who I haven't seen in awhile is having her 21st b-day in a couple of weeks so I will be in attendance at her party. A whole pack of people from her grad school who are complete strangers to me will be there, so there's a lot of new-friend potential. It's tempting to just call someone up and have them ravage me for a night or two, it would be so easy. But I know in the end it won't be worth it because it's not the only thing I want...so am sticking to my guns. I'm a bit tired of the game. Just giving it a rest for a bit and then re-entering with a clear head. also meeting people in real life you can build a network of connections that sustains itself, whereas with OD you end up burning through people.
Author tigressA Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 also meeting people in real life you can build a network of connections that sustains itself, whereas with OD you end up burning through people. Agreed...I feel like I never really met the people I met, like they just never existed. It's strange. To be completely transparent, it'll be good for me to take a break so I can fully evaluate and process my feelings toward my friend...I won't really be able to do that if there are other guys hovering around. And it's very much unfinished business. The other day I saw my ex, C, on OKC. Looks like he's giving it the old college try once again. I had to laugh at his profile picture--he looked like some lame-*** frat boy. I hid him so that he won't ever come up in my activity feed.
OceanGirl Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Yay! Finally. Tigress, I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. I loved that log! It's strange that some of the guys you really had fun with, and thought the feeling was mutual, never even got back in contact with you again? Men are such asses sometimes! Good luck. The bolded is actually the worst part of online dating for me. I had this happen to me few times now. Men seemed totally smitten, everything was clicking, they even called the next day and then boom - they never get in touch again. I don't get it and it really gets me down. (and I didn't even have sex with them so it's not like they dissapeared after sex). For me, it went WAY beyond the simple "I will call". I just don't get it why would someone be THAT insincere.. I am pretty cautious and worried that it will happen with the current guy too.
OceanGirl Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 also meeting people in real life you can build a network of connections that sustains itself, whereas with OD you end up burning through people. Very astute. I also feel that men I meet through OD are not "real". I take everything they say and do with a huge grain of salt. When I dated people I met in real life, they were a lot more sincere about their interest and easier to read. I am definitely taking a break if this current guy doesn't pan out.
threebyfate Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 TBF, what does it say that every single guy I know well, including all the ones I've ever had serious crushes on or relationships with are on OKCupid. I find it a bit puzzling.Might be a generational thing where guys your age who aren't ready to get into long-term relationships, are the ones on OKC. It's like a buffet of women to choose from.
northern_sky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Agreed...I feel like I never really met the people I met, like they just never existed. It's strange. The other day I saw my ex, C, on OKC. Looks like he's giving it the old college try once again. I had to laugh at his profile picture--he looked like some lame-*** frat boy. I hid him so that he won't ever come up in my activity feed. Yes! That's exactly the feeling. They just disappear back into oblivion. And there's also this sense, at least for me, that it doesn't "count" as a real dating experience, especially if it didn't last long.
Author tigressA Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Yes! That's exactly the feeling. They just disappear back into oblivion. And there's also this sense, at least for me, that it doesn't "count" as a real dating experience, especially if it didn't last long. In my total experience on the site so far I've met more than a dozen guys, and had two STRs. In my experience, the ones who are looking for long-term are on average more conservative and therefore less compatible in values with me (according to them anyway), so I get rejected regardless of how well we get along otherwise. And the others who I click with exceptionally well aren't looking for long-term; they just put it in their profile as a lure to get laid or something. Can't win. I had much more "success" when I was just looking to "have fun".
northern_sky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 In my total experience on the site so far I've met more than a dozen guys, and had two STRs. In my experience, the ones who are looking for long-term are on average more conservative and therefore less compatible in values with me (according to them anyway), so I get rejected regardless of how well we get along otherwise. And the others who I click with exceptionally well aren't looking for long-term; they just put it in their profile as a lure to get laid or something. Can't win. I had much more "success" when I was just looking to "have fun". I wonder if it's an age thing. It doesn't seem like many young guys in our generation are looking to settle down. In fact I don't know a single guy 22-30 who is looking for a serious relationship. So the ones who are probably fall outside the norm, It seems when guys are college aged they're actually more willing to entertain the idea of a longer relationship. Then they leave college and go through this period of playing,
Author tigressA Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) I wonder if it's an age thing. It doesn't seem like many young guys in our generation are looking to settle down. In fact I don't know a single guy 22-30 who is looking for a serious relationship. So the ones who are probably fall outside the norm, It seems when guys are college aged they're actually more willing to entertain the idea of a longer relationship. Then they leave college and go through this period of playing, I know some who are looking for long-term. I went out on a date with one, but I was a little too open-mouthed and revealed some things that he felt were at odds with his conservatism, though it was just a part of a quickly-passing phase, and I was rejected solely because of that. That's still bugging me somewhat because I quite liked him and we got along famously. I just told myself I don't want to bother with someone who is that uptight about past actions. And as I said, it seems that those who are more freewheeling/liberal in their thinking are also liberal with themselves and don't want to commit anytime soon. I'm 23, so the age group you mentioned is right where I'm at. I think I'm going to have a really hard time for awhile when it comes to finding something long-term. Edited January 9, 2011 by tigressA
Sanman Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I'm curious what you guys are defining as long-term. At least for me, I am just starting to think long-term at 27. Though, I still have not settled into a permanent job and may still consider moving if I have to. Northern, I know you are just finishing up school. Tigress, where are you at? It wasn't until now that I was at a place where I could consider settling down as I was too focused on school/career.
northern_sky Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I know some who are looking for long-term. I went out on a date with one, but I was a little too open-mouthed and revealed some things that he felt were at odds with his conservatism, though it was just a part of a quickly-passing phase, and I was rejected solely because of that. That's still bugging me somewhat because I quite liked him and we got along famously. I just told myself I don't want to bother with someone who is that uptight about past actions. And as I said, it seems that those who are more freewheeling/liberal in their thinking are also liberal with themselves and don't want to commit anytime soon. I'm 23, so the age group you mentioned is right where I'm at. I think I'm going to have a really hard time for awhile when it comes to finding something long-term. Yeah, I think I go for the same type as you do: creative, intellectual, liberal. Most guys in that group in their twenties are not looking for something serious, so the ones who are probably have something "off" about their personality, like being overly rigid or traditional for example. It's frustrating, because I feel like there is no in-between. I'm not looking to settle down either right now, but I would like an actual, exclusive relationship that has some potential, you know? Is that really too much to ask for? It's obviously not happening for me right now, so for the time being I'm going to invest in other things.
mo mo Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Yeah, I think I go for the same type as you do: creative, intellectual, liberal. Most guys in that group in their twenties are not looking for something serious, so the ones who are probably have something "off" about their personality, like being overly rigid or traditional for example. It's frustrating, because I feel like there is no in-between. I'm not looking to settle down either right now, but I would like an actual, exclusive relationship that has some potential, you know? Is that really too much to ask for? It's obviously not happening for me right now, so for the time being I'm going to invest in other things. There is an in-between. It's just very rare. I would consider myself in-between. I'm in-between conservative and liberal because I don't mind having a fling here and there, but if I meet someone worth pursuing I am not going to run away. I think too many people go into dating with the wrong mindset. They either think they want a quick fling OR they want something serious. I go in with a blank slate. I have no expectations. If its a fling, let it be. If there could be something more, stick around and see what happens.
Author tigressA Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 It's frustrating, because I feel like there is no in-between. I'm not looking to settle down either right now, but I would like an actual, exclusive relationship that has some potential, you know? Is that really too much to ask for? Yeah, this is what I'm looking for too. It's difficult to imagine myself settled down before I turn 30, but I would definitely be open to getting married if I were in a relationship that looked to be headed toward that and it felt right. Sanman--with regard to where I'm at, I'm taking online classes and am well-settled in a decent job that suits my needs. I'm paying off debts and am seriously looking into moving to a nearby urban area within the next year or two. I've been meeting mostly guys right around your age--26-28. A few of them are already settled into their careers, others are still in school--PhD. programs. My last ex is 27 and he was supposedly in the same mindset I was as far as a relationship...but then again he had cheated, so I guess not.
Sanman Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Tigress, While I would certainly say that you are dating men in the right age range, I wonder if you are attracting the right guys. Being 23, I feel like the 26-28 year old guys that may be attracted to you might not be as serious as you want. Much like mo mo, I am also of the mindset that I try and make the best of whatever situation I am in. While I want a serious relationship, I am alright with a fling. I try to date a bit older than 23 because I often feel that at 23 many people are not ready for a serious relationship. That is not to say that I haven't dated that age, I actually have a date lined up with a 23 year old this week. However, you may have more luck with someone a bit closer to your age with a more serious mindset. Just a thought.
Author tigressA Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 However, you may have more luck with someone a bit closer to your age with a more serious mindset. Just a thought. Hm, you may be right. I did have an on-off STR with a guy a year or so younger than me who I met on the site not long after I had first joined in Nov. '09--it was on-off because I was uncertain at the time about committing. He was crazy about me, though...I admit I broke his heart. Still feel bad about it sometimes. I disabled my OKC profile...I don't know how long I'll have it down. I'll see how I feel after a week. If I'm still not comfortable, I'll keep it down for another week...and so on.
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