Not sure ....never been so he said he loves me and now the nc rule

[Miss Savanna]

So when my ex and I broke up....I suggested that we stayed friends...I didn't want to loose contact with him...I didn't want him out of my life..I still loved him, i just could't see us being together anymore with him being over seas in the army and the consant fighting..so I ended the relationship with him....I know I know...if you love some one fight for them....with our relationship it was just frustrating and things just turned into arguing.

 

He didn't want to be friends at first...he said that we should just quit talking because it hurt him to much just to be friends...and it killed him the thought of me dating another guy down the road.

 

so we didn't talk for a long time but when he came back to the US he moved to MA where he had family...not long after he started texting me and calling me...

I was happy to have him back in my life but things weren't the same as they were when we were together....he said that he still loved me...and missed me...truth is i still loved and missed him too...i mean after all he was my first love....

 

months later the less and less we talked...

 

I began to think that he was moving on or he met someone

 

I tried moving on....still trying actually

started getting to know someone...a little dating..

i wanted the pain of missing my ex to be gone

 

 

Just recently my ex called me

we had a pretty decent converstation first one that we have had in awhile..after a couple mins someone called on the other line..i asked my ex if i could call him right back....he got really quite and then said " I DON'T think that we should talk or be friends anymore...I know there is another guy on the phone and that breaks me heart to know that "

 

i tried to explain to him but he wouldn't really listen to what i had to say

 

he said that he loves me..always has and always will forever

 

since that night i have tried texting and calling him but most of the time he ignores me and if he doesn't ignore me he keeps the conversations really really sort with me and is a little rude

 

i asked what i did to make him hate me and he said that he didn't hate me

i asked what was wrong and he avoided the question and then finally said you know whats wrong..i don't want to talk about it and then hung up the phone....since then its been nothing but the no contact rule and it's driving me nuts!!!

 

idk if i should keep trying to get in touch with him or if i should just wait....or maybe its best to just let go even though i can't picture my life with out him

 

 

I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE IS DOING THE NO CONTACT RULE...IT FEELS AS IF HE JUST DOESN'T CARE

 

 

any suggestions or advice?

[LucreziaBorgia]

He has made it clear to you that being 'friends' is painful for him. He is doing NC because the pain of being your 'friend' is not worth it to him anymore. It isn't that he doesn't care - it is that he cares too much.

[Tincup]

I am in a similar situation, and I can speak from the perspective of your ex. My gf broke up with me via a text message. I tried to get her to talk to me and she would not. I went no contact with her because of the pain. Every week or so she would text me to "see how you are doing". Slowly I started to respond to her texts.

Now a couple of months later we are trying to be friends. But from my end it is not working. I do still care about her and no matter how I try to convince myself that the friendship thing is working, it isn't. I care for her too much, and I feel like this will only end in a lot of pain on my end when she starts to date.

[sleep.less]

idk if i should keep trying to get in touch with him or if i should just wait....or maybe its best to just let go even though i can't picture my life with out him

 

 

I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE IS DOING THE NO CONTACT RULE...IT FEELS AS IF HE JUST DOESN'T CARE

 

 

any suggestions or advice?

 

I don't know if I am the right person to comment here, but I want to, because I think, I can relate to your ex and his predicament, when he's chosen to go NC.

 

I am facing a similar situation right now. Even ours was a LDR for 5 long years. We too had our share of ups and down, it indeed was frustrating and tiring at times, but we loved each other way too much to give up on us. We were going strong, but probably were not too lucky! We separated in Mid Nov. '10 owing to familial pressure (he comes from a culture where the family decides it all!) Now whatever the reason, we parted. There were few things, that hurt me terribly and I decided to go NC. I thought it was over, but on new years I got a mail from him claiming his love for me, which I chose to ignore. I never replied back, thinking this would convey him that I didnt intend to speak to him. And guess what.... 3 days down the line I got a call from his mother!!!! His mother tried hard to explain things to me, but I was curt and I just didnt encourage the conversation. Again, we are back to NC.

 

See I dont know how it works with the one who dumps, but I can certainly help you understand how it works with the one who gets dumped. Because I see a lot of similarity between your ex and me. You see, admit it, you hurt him! He loved you and if you realise he was honest as well, and he never really shied away from expressing his deep feelings for you. But despite his affection, and circumstance (which were beyond his control) you chose to leave him. See it's very easy to say I know you have to fight for your love and all..... but if you blv me that's the litmus test that really decides the fate of your relationship!

How can you claim to love someone, when you could so easily give up on him for reasons like you couldnt handle the LDR??? Hurts, I am sure, but that very thing, not only hurt but also humiliated him! You made him feel that he or his love for you was not even worth the patience or the effort! Look, taking someone or a relationship for granted, is the worst possible thing ever that we can do to ourself or the other person involved.

 

Hope whatever I am rambling is making some sense atleast.... And blv me, if you really love him and want him back, then please go all out to make him feel he's wanted, that he's important to you! Dont let anything come between you two.... admit that your faltered, take the onus of it, and try to correct things rightaway! He's hurt and feels humiliated. The NC is just his defence mechanism to not give you another chance to hurt him. There's no two way about it that he loves you, when he repeatedly keeps expressing it to you. Now it's your turn honey.... Give him what he missed, and what he really wanted! Make him feel secured, give him that emotional stability. Believe me, he will come back to you! Afterall, at the end of it we all want true love, isn't it? So please don't let anything stupid come between you..... nothing can make him feel the way you can make him feel! So go out and do it, for him! You owe that to him! He's like that little baby, who's sulking and expecting someone to come and persuade him! Do it and you will see within no time, things will be better for good! You were the one to walk away, now it's time you chase him no matter how inaccessible he tries to make himself! The more he will see you follow him sincerely, and consistently, the more he will feel secured to return back to you!

 

Remember, something that broke over a period of time, can never mend overnight! Persevere, he will love you for it! Let him know you're sincere in your efforts.... and you're indeed waiting for him! (Because that's what I expect out of my ex! He was the one to leave, and now it is for him to walk back to me! And I blv if he truly loves me, he will be back!)

 

Also please keep it in mind, that few and far efforts from your end will only confuse him in his head. He will think you're doing it out of guilt or sympathy, and not wholeheartedly.... to get him back! And that would be the worst thing, you can ever do to yourself or to him! Makes sense???

Edited January 8, 2011 by sleep.less