Thierro Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 (edited) I have always been a bit detached concerning this sub-forum. I registered here on LS because of a break-up, so you can imagine I was a bit hesitant to confront myself with people that are dating. The coping forum is just a wonderful place where people come together and share their heartache. It’s a safe harbor for lost souls. There is a genuine sense of warmth and love. ..But the people in the dating section seem so cautious, cold and chaotic. Why is that? I believe a lot of you still have some unfinished business concerning past experiences and relationships. ‘Why don’t they like me, what am I doing wrong, what did I do to deserve this, why this, why that, Did I………’; just calm down for a second. All the worrying tells me you need to have a good look at yourself first and figure things out. I’ve been struggling a long time to get on top of things. But I feel free now. I feel safe in my own skin. I am happy right now. I have learned to believe in myself and value the character I have become. I don’t know if I will ever meet a girl in the future again; but frankly I don’t really care. I like my life just the way it is right now. And if I meet someone down the road, I will just let everything go and let things be. You can't control your own life or that around you. I don’t have to be perfect, I am completely fine with being imperfect. It doesn’t matter if someone likes me or not. I know I have a lot to offer, if they don’t see or experience it that way, that’s ok. I assume the most of you have already been in a relationship. It’s almost if the majority is desensitized by their past heartbreak and all this dating and their desperate need to meet that “special” someone as quick as possible without just leaning back and relax. You are responsible for your own happiness. ‘If he/she doesn’t fit the bill; Launch!’ It’s almost scary that people have such high standards. It’s like people forgot what is important; themselves. Why bother with the insecurities and if someone likes you? You are smart enough to understand that life is unpredictable and that you should anticipate on the things that life throws at you the best you can. Change what doesn’t work, learn along the way by making “mistakes”. Mistakes don’t exist; they are valuable learning experiences. They make you stronger and better. You need to make them on your own. Everyone is different and you can’t always approach a situation the same as other people do here. Have a strong sense of self and things should be all right. Loosen up a bit; life is fun. Not all people are compatible, that’s life. Smile. Love yourself before you can love someone else. Appreciate the time we have here on earth without wasting it by being insecure. See what works for you. Edited January 7, 2011 by Thierro
catgotyourtongue Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Hi and welcome Glad you got support and help from coping forum. You may get blasted, or ignored, hard to say, but here I am, lol. Some people have been really and royally burned, some are burning themselves, getting in own way, some are naive, some strong, some should perhaps go to "coping" before coming here, and maybe the forum would be less hostile, not sure. But it aint' dull. I agree with you to a point, and I feel many or several people on this forum could perhaps use to either be in a "ranting, venting" forum or a "coping or hurting" forum. It sways heavily, topic to topic what gets discussed here. I could easily pop into one of those, lol. I came here way more bitter than I am now I think. I have more compassion for a man's struggle, than before. Coming to this sub-thread can be a harsh adjustment, and it's not for the faint of heart. Hell you want to see some s*** hit the fan, check out Other woman/man thread. Tigers I tell you, watch your step. Messy stuff over there too. Life is messy, and yes a lot of people have been burned and can't get over it, or through it or don't want to. I felt turned off and bashed when I got here and wanted to leave ASAP. After hanging in, I have found some real valuable insight, info, perspectives. I would prefer way less chaos, anger, etc., too, but I can't change that, I have to come here and accept it, and do what I can to help where I can, and learn where I can. I come here as much to help others as to help self. Truly. Good luck, and put on your boxing gloves, it can get brutal on this side of the fence, lol. (the dating side) I have always been a bit detached concerning this sub-forum. I registered here on LS because of a break-up, so you can imagine I was a bit hesitant to confront myself with people that are dating. The coping forum is just a wonderful place where people come together and share their heartache. It’s a safe harbor for lost souls. There is a genuine sense of warmth and love. ..But the people in the dating section seem so cautious, cold and chaotic. Why is that? .
murah989 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I always thought posts like this were important to me. I too tend to lose myself in the normal dating insecurities. So much so, that I start to blur the world around me. People have been telling me since day 1 of my last break-up, " make yourself happy" and " focus on doing what makes YOU happy instead of relying on someone else for happiness". Stuff like that helps for the moment, but when you're lying in your bed alone, everything that you think is wrong about you starts to turn against you. Personally, I'm terrified of being alone. I managed years and years of doing just fine until I backed out of my first serious relationship. Then all of my principles, all of my integrity vanished. My mind was in overdrive to find the next big relationship and sexual fix to make myself feel better. I no longer cared about anyone except my drive to feel "loved". I'm still in that dark place right now, but when I read posts on LS, sometimes I see a ray of light to what I used to be. It's part of the reason I still lurk on these boards. Sometimes everyone forgets ( like you said) to have fun with the experience. We put so much effort into feeling loved, we misinterpret why we're all doing this in the first place! The ultimate goal is to have the most fun in the shortest amount of time IMO. And when we worry about "He/she didn't return my text boo hoo!" we lose sight of that. I ran into my ex a couple of days ago while she was screaming out a car window..screams of enjoyment of course. She was happy and drunk. It seemed as though nothing could touch her. I want to be that again! I'll find my dream-girl one day...She'll understand our love of Meshuggah and why U2 and Stone temple pilots are washed up. Thanks for posting this..I needed it.
Knittress Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I do admit that this forum often has a very Jerry Springer-esque quality that I find insanely addicting.
Confusedalways Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I feel that regardless of the differences in opinion a lot of people seem to having in the dating section, most of the advice is actually really solid, sound advice. I have passed along a lot of things I have "learned" on here to real life-- especially major things like someone can never be too busy to contact you. Some of the people are cold, sure, but I think it speaks volumes when good things happen to people, everyone is usually very quick to congratulate and join in the happiness of others [D-lish's recent thread comes to mind]. I don't doubt the coping section has a friendlier feel, but I think it's kind of harsh to imply everyone who regularly posts in this part of the forum isn't happy with themselves, etc. Though I do like the Jerry Springer feel sometimes in here, myself!
Knittress Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Oh, and I'd like to add that no matter how one feels about individual posters, these people DO exist in the real world and it's interesting and valuable to understand how they think. I've always been a bit of a recluse and a somewhat clueless about how the world works, so I've really appreciated being able to see the perspectives of people I'd never interact with in real life. And there are nice people too, which makes me feel reassured with my life seems filled with a-holes.
Author Thierro Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 I feel that regardless of the differences in opinion a lot of people seem to having in the dating section, most of the advice is actually really solid, sound advice. I have passed along a lot of things I have "learned" on here to real life-- especially major things like someone can never be too busy to contact you. Some of the people are cold, sure, but I think it speaks volumes when good things happen to people, everyone is usually very quick to congratulate and join in the happiness of others [D-lish's recent thread comes to mind]. I don't doubt the coping section has a friendlier feel, but I think it's kind of harsh to imply everyone who regularly posts in this part of the forum isn't happy with themselves, etc. Though I do like the Jerry Springer feel sometimes in here, myself! I didn't mean to imply a thing. But I do believe that there are a lot of posters here that have some insecurities. I just wanted to let them know to take a step back and reevaluate the whole situation from time to time. Some are just too caught up in the whole dating scene and lose themselves in the process.
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