kellyG84 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 We've been in an ambiguous relationship for the past three months or so. We've known each other as an acquaintance for two years, but last fall, we started exchanging emails, which led to him asking to grab a meal together, then ever since, meeting up weekly/bi-weekly basis. I am really pleased that we've become friends because I liked the guy before we became friends, but I am still not sure where this friendship/relationship is going. For a while, I was so ready for it to be more and want to initiate a talk about where we are going, but the guy is sending me signals that I find discouraging, mainly about his lukewarm attitude to everything: 1. Almost every time I see him on weekdays (which is once or twice), he says, "want to do lunch or dinner on the weekend?" I of course say "yes," or, "let me know when specifically, i'm free on ___ day." A couple times, he emailed and was active about setting time, but other times he doesn't follow up unless I push or remind him, so nothing happens. 2. Even when we have something set, he will ask, "are you sure you want to meet up" or say, "we can do it sometime else if you're busy." First it seemed to be a considerate gesture, but he does this pretty much everytime, which drives me crazy. New years eve, we've stalled the entire day about what to do, that I finally invited myself over to his place for a potluck dinner. He thought it was a good idea, but again called me at the last minute saying we don't have to "do it if it's too much" which nagged me to no end (WHY would I invite myself over if I didn't want to come!?!?). Then when I did come over, he surprised/confused me with a nice candle-lit dinner. Did he really not want me to come over and is too nice/shy/passive-aggressive to break that to me? 3. I haven't seen him for a week since New Years, and when I contacted him a couple days ago about hanging out, he said he has been extremely busy (which I believe), said he "might" have a day that'd work in the next week or two, but wasn't sure.At this point, I thought this ambiguity/lukewarm attitude was a sure sign that he was trying to make things fizzle off without harsh feelings. So I gave him a way out by sending a polite but short reply that it's fine if he's busy, without making any attempts to set up any other future encounters. But then, he immediately got back asking if we can meet up again, to which I haven't responded. Question is, should I meet up--because if I do, I feel that I would be indulging him once more for nothing, and if I refuse, I don't know when I'll see him again. I'm still interested and will ask him point-blank where we're heading, only if I knew where his ambiguity is coming from--from being shy or being not interested enough. So, is this guy is just ultra-inconfident/shy or playing with me? Word of advice? Thank you in advance for your feedback!!
lonley_heart Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 since your involvement have there been any romantic overtures? Do you guys kiss and stuff? If not in this amount of time I would say he's not interested..
Author kellyG84 Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 since your involvement have there been any romantic overtures? Do you guys kiss and stuff? If not in this amount of time I would say he's not interested.. Thanks for the response. No, no such gestures. It could be b/c I'm really inexperienced for my age and I'm pretty sure he has had little to no experience, too, and we're really reserved people. But yes, it makes sense, what you say.. :sigh:
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