jzsprinter Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Are girls into shy, quiet, reserved guys? I'm able to open up to people and be very social and friendly with them but I just have trouble taking that first step. I've only had 1 gf ever and I feel like since she was much more outgoing, she's used to approaching shy people and liked talking to me because I was shy.
Mad Max Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 For the most part, no. Shy men are at much more of a disadvantage than shy women.
liverpool fc Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Are girls into shy, quiet, reserved guys? I'm able to open up to people and be very social and friendly with them but I just have trouble taking that first step. I've only had 1 gf ever and I feel like since she was much more outgoing, she's used to approaching shy people and liked talking to me because I was shy. my advice would be to just have stuff to talk about, its good to have confidence in going up to girls but to make things easier try to do it when there friends arent around so it feels easier on you
JohnM Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Don't worry about being quiet, as long as it does not become debilitating. You just take longer to get to know someone and then get comfortable with them and become more outgoing I expect? Over time your social skills will improve and you'll get better. It can be frustrating but don't try to force confidence into a situation you do things at your own pace. As long as you are comfortable and making an effort and push every now and then then its all good.
Author jzsprinter Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Don't worry about being quiet, as long as it does not become debilitating. You just take longer to get to know someone and then get comfortable with them and become more outgoing I expect? Over time your social skills will improve and you'll get better. It can be frustrating but don't try to force confidence into a situation you do things at your own pace. As long as you are comfortable and making an effort and push every now and then then its all good. Thank you for your answer. I feel like I was born and raised to be a very quiet person. I do open up to people, but I feel like I just need people to approach me because I'm not good at approaching people nor am I comfortable at approaching people. Is it wrong to wait to meet people who are willing to approach me?
Graceful Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Thank you for your answer. I feel like I was born and raised to be a very quiet person. I do open up to people, but I feel like I just need people to approach me because I'm not good at approaching people nor am I comfortable at approaching people. Is it wrong to wait to meet people who are willing to approach me? Hi, Nice to see you again. (do you remember me from your other post?) Shy people range let's say from a one to a ten. One is not very shy at all, and ten would be pathologically shy. You don't really sound very shy, so it's hard to tell if your lack of experience is part of it, as well as your personality and nature. It isn't wrong to wait for people to approach you, but I think you know you won't have as many opportunities if you do that. You're going to have to overcompensate for your shyness by pushing yourself a little more, and trying to do some of the approaching yourself. Know what? This isn't easy for many of us. In fact, it's one of those social hurdles many people struggle with. All you have to do is think about approaching someone by saying "Hi, I'm JZ" putting out your hand to shake, the other person will invariably say "Hi, I'm Grace" and there you go. Then break the ice with one of your conversation ideas, and the rest will flow. If you meet with success, you'll feel good. And if not, you try again. Not the end of the world. As far as girls being into shy or quiet guys? Of course, some girls are very attracted to quiet shy guys like you. Just has to be the right person, there's nothing wrong with being a little reserved. You could start in situations that are not high-risk and where you are in a setting where you feel comfortable. You could also have a few things lined up to talk about so you could jump right into a conversation and not have a lull. As I said, shy people have to push themselves a little more, and that takes practice. Hope this helps. Also, I hope things are well with you. Take care.
Author jzsprinter Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Hi, Nice to see you again. (do you remember me from your other post?) Shy people range let's say from a one to a ten. One is not very shy at all, and ten would be pathologically shy. You don't really sound very shy, so it's hard to tell if your lack of experience is part of it, as well as your personality and nature. It isn't wrong to wait for people to approach you, but I think you know you won't have as many opportunities if you do that. You're going to have to overcompensate for your shyness by pushing yourself a little more, and trying to do some of the approaching yourself. Know what? This isn't easy for many of us. In fact, it's one of those social hurdles many people struggle with. All you have to do is think about approaching someone by saying "Hi, I'm JZ" putting out your hand to shake, the other person will invariably say "Hi, I'm Grace" and there you go. Then break the ice with one of your conversation ideas, and the rest will flow. If you meet with success, you'll feel good. And if not, you try again. Not the end of the world. As far as girls being into shy or quiet guys? Of course, some girls are very attracted to quiet shy guys like you. Just has to be the right person, there's nothing wrong with being a little reserved. You could start in situations that are not high-risk and where you are in a setting where you feel comfortable. You could also have a few things lined up to talk about so you could jump right into a conversation and not have a lull. As I said, shy people have to push themselves a little more, and that takes practice. Hope this helps. Also, I hope things are well with you. Take care. Yes of course I remember you!!! Thank you for taking the time to write such thoughtful answers, they're also very thought-provoking in a good way!!! I think that the base of the problem lies in that I'm a little bit of an ego maniac. I've been very successful in everything I've done in my life except for dating and the fact that I've never had any major amounts of success really really bothers me (and especially the 1 time that I did have a little bit of success, it was all taken away from me in the blink of an eye). In terms of my shyness, well I've felt like it's been destroying my chances at getting with girls for my entire life so far. I'll admit that I'm not a people person. I prefer being alone and doing things by myself or in small groups of people that I'm comfortable with. After being exposed firsthand to what it feels like to have another person like and respect me for who I am for the first and only time in my life, I want to experience that again because it was one of the greatest feelings in my entire life. I also feel that my lack of experience in being with girls further destroys my chances of getting with any. I'm doing the best I can with things, but my life has been taken over by this whole ordeal for the past 5 and a half months.
shayan Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 my first girlfriend came up and sat next to me in college. She recognized me from highschool and I had no idea who she was. I was very shy and I didn't mind her much attention. In fact, I kind of ignored her but she didn't give up. Then I fell in love ha. Then I got used to having a girl in my life and when it was gone I wanted it back. So I asked my sister what to do and she told me to grow a pair of testacles and approach women. So I did I forced myself to approach countless girls, and now my shyness is gone. It only goes away with practice, so my only advice is "grow a pair of testacles and approach women" I say this with love.
Author jzsprinter Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 my first girlfriend came up and sat next to me in college. She recognized me from highschool and I had no idea who she was. I was very shy and I didn't mind her much attention. In fact, I kind of ignored her but she didn't give up. Then I fell in love ha. Then I got used to having a girl in my life and when it was gone I wanted it back. So I asked my sister what to do and she told me to grow a pair of testacles and approach women. So I did I forced myself to approach countless girls, and now my shyness is gone. It only goes away with practice, so my only advice is "grow a pair of testacles and approach women" I say this with love. thanks wow that's quite a piece of advice!
JohnM Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 You sound just like how I was. You are a quiet person who enjoys his solitude, I imagine you are successful but thats because its a solo skill you have? You just need to adapt to letting another into your circle. Just become friends with someone you like first, give it a week or two and then change the relationship into a romantic one. It'll happen more smoothly that way. I think its the best way to go. There is less pressure involved and you will ease yourself into, you'll get to know each other then because you both know you then like each other you take it to the next stage. Its easy to see the guys out there approaching aggressively, but just being smooth and tentative is not that bad. There are women out there who value you taking your time and not jumping into a relationship so easily. You sound suited to being a romantic like myself. You'll meet someone, you'll be a bit shy, she'll be more open and bubbly, you'll compliment each other and you'll end up in a relationship with minimal fuss. Just find the person who suits the other half of you, the one who fills in for where you lack. You'll find after not so long you'll get comfortable and that over the course of the relationship you open up and just get better and better for her, and she will value that if she sees the effort you make and care you take.
Graceful Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) Yes of course I remember you!!! Thank you for taking the time to write such thoughtful answers, they're also very thought-provoking in a good way!!! Happy to hear that I am making you think ... in a good way, too!! YAY! (and yes, that was interesting advice in that other post ... ) Taking off on what that other poster said ... that's how I met my ex, too. I had a pretty big crush on him, and waited until I was really sure I wanted to get to know him. My heart was POUNDING OUT OF MY CHEST so hard that I felt he could hear it, no kidding. I felt like he could see my whole body shaking, it was that bad. I introduced myself to him, he introduced himself back, we made a little small talk ... and the next day he called me and asked me to dinner! He also said he totally respected how much nerve it took to go up to him, and he really admired me. Also told me he thought I was so pretty he couldn't believe how lucky he was that I came along like that! We dated for several years, fell in love ... no longer together, it was SO worth getting up the nerve to introduce myself, let me assure you. I think that the base of the problem lies in that I'm a little bit of an ego maniac. I've been very successful in everything I've done in my life except for dating and the fact that I've never had any major amounts of success really really bothers me (and especially the 1 time that I did have a little bit of success, it was all taken away from me in the blink of an eye). So you can add this to something you need to get good at. The other areas of your life where you excel took practice, too, right? In terms of my shyness, well I've felt like it's been destroying my chances at getting with girls for my entire life so far. I'll admit that I'm not a people person. I prefer being alone and doing things by myself or in small groups of people that I'm comfortable with. I'm the exact same way. I far prefer intimate parties or one on one interfacing with a friend. I avoid large gatherings if I can, I can manage them, but they are not my favorite type of interaction. So don't force it. To meet people, you do have to increase the odds by going out there, though. We all do. In college, there are still low-risk places to meet, though, and not feel too intimidated. No one starts with experience, we all have to go out there and get it. I know some people are "naturals" but so what? We're not all good at this sort of thing. We all have to start somewhere. You have to look at it like that. I had crushes on boys since I was five years old ... (seriously!) -- but I did not have my first really serious r/l until I was a senior in high school. And you're only a year older than that. So really, you are pretty much in track, despite what you hear from other guys or think you observe. After being exposed firsthand to what it feels like to have another person like and respect me for who I am for the first and only time in my life, I want to experience that again because it was one of the greatest feelings in my entire life.It is a great feeling, and I am happy that you had that experience. Now you know it is worth putting yourself out there. Don't expect instant success. The best things in life come along when you least expect them and they are worth the wait. Much of what is holding you back is fear and telling yourself you are shy and can't make the approach. So change your mindset, set aside the fear, tell yourself you can do it, and you will be surprised. There was a pose in my yoga class that I have tried to do for 2 years!! One day I said to myself, it's crazy you can't do this pose, it's not as hard as the other poses you can do, the only thing that was holding me back was my mind. That very moment, I jumped back and landed in the pose! See, my mind was holding me back. Not anymore. Don't let your mind hold you back. Hope that gives you something to think about. Take care. Edited January 10, 2011 by Graceful
Author jzsprinter Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 You sound just like how I was. You are a quiet person who enjoys his solitude, I imagine you are successful but thats because its a solo skill you have? You just need to adapt to letting another into your circle. Just become friends with someone you like first, give it a week or two and then change the relationship into a romantic one. It'll happen more smoothly that way. I think its the best way to go. There is less pressure involved and you will ease yourself into, you'll get to know each other then because you both know you then like each other you take it to the next stage. Its easy to see the guys out there approaching aggressively, but just being smooth and tentative is not that bad. There are women out there who value you taking your time and not jumping into a relationship so easily. You sound suited to being a romantic like myself. You'll meet someone, you'll be a bit shy, she'll be more open and bubbly, you'll compliment each other and you'll end up in a relationship with minimal fuss. Just find the person who suits the other half of you, the one who fills in for where you lack. You'll find after not so long you'll get comfortable and that over the course of the relationship you open up and just get better and better for her, and she will value that if she sees the effort you make and care you take. Wow again, another great response, thank you. To answer your question, yes I've had lots of success because it's a solo skill I have. The problem is that I feel that I've spent almost all of my life involved in those ventures and extremely little time in building relationships with people. As for becoming friends with someone I like at first, well I don't really have many female friends because I'm not good at that either. Pretty much for my whole life, I haven't really sought out others to be my friends, rather they came to me or we mutually came to each other. Again, it has to do with the approach and me not approaching others since that's just something that I don't really do because I don't feel comfortable doing it (as I've explained before). Also I have met someone who suited the other half of me, but she left me, which is a whole other story to get into... (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258946/)
Author jzsprinter Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 So you can add this to something you need to get good at. The other areas of your life where you excel took practice, too, right? No one starts with experience, we all have to go out there and get it. I know some people are "naturals" but so what? We're not all good at this sort of thing. It is a great feeling, and I am happy that you had that experience. Now you know it is worth putting yourself out there. Don't expect instant success. The best things in life come along when you least expect them and they are worth the wait. Much of what is holding you back is fear and telling yourself you are shy and can't make the approach. So change your mindset, set aside the fear, tell yourself you can do it, and you will be surprised. There was a pose in my yoga class that I have tried to do for 2 years!! One day I said to myself, it's crazy you can't do this pose, it's not as hard as the other poses you can do, the only thing that was holding me back was my mind. That very moment, I jumped back and landed in the pose! See, my mind was holding me back. Not anymore. Don't let your mind hold you back. Hope that gives you something to think about. Take care. Yes the other areas took practice but I feel like I'm naturally bad and naturally handicapped in this one particular area. It might not be worth putting myself out there to get hurt again, especially when someone came along when I least expected them and then they ended up hurting me very very badly. Also I just don't like approaching people because it makes me feel so uncomfortable (but who knows? you're probably right). That's why I like it when people approach me. But I suppose that I'm not all that approachable to many people either so that puts me in a predicament. Thank you for your kind words. It reminds me that there are great people out there who care about me and that warms my heart.
Recommended Posts