condogal Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 :(I am dating a great guy...everything is going great except after 2 outside dates I invited him over to my place on our 3rd date...mostly for the reason that he works evenings and it's freezing outside...not many options at 10pm on a Wednesday...so he loved my place...everything is going good and we feel comfortable...he even massaged my feet. Just to let you all know...this guy wants to get serious...he is not a player. So then we were drinking and i hadn't eaten all day and I drank more than him then we started to fool around...i brought him in my bedroom and don't remember much after that but i'm sure we didn't do it...anyhow it was late and it was time for him to go...so then maybe an hour later i texted him saying that i'm freaking out and that tonight went too fast and his responses were why are you freaking out and i texted more along the lines of my anxiety with this cuz i like him alot and i don't want to **** this up...he was not impressed by me at this moment...we had a talk the next day and i basically said i don't know why i reacted that way...saying i was too drunk and on an empty stomach and i hope you can forgive me and he said yes and that we will just take things slow...good right? ...how do i win points back?...and what does his slow mean? Thankyou...
shadowofman Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 My only long term relationships (3,5, and 7 years) were with women that I had sex with on the first date. If after two dates I don't get any, I tend to feel like the girl is not interested and I move on.
zengirl Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I don't think the sex (or whatever happened) is as big a deal as the black-out drunkenness. Most guys I know who want LTRs would balk at a girl getting that drunk on an early date. And especially at the freaking out. If you continue going out, the way to be slow and win points back is probably to stop freaking out, stay sober, and basically do what you'd do if that didn't happen. But you can't erase the past.
Author condogal Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 what does balk at a girl mean ?...ohhh i'm definetely staying sober for quite awhile...but do you think a guy likes a girl less...what goes off in a mans brain when an episode like this happens to occur?
shadowofman Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I think. Glad it was her that got ****ty drunk and not me. I would forgive you in a second. Especially if I got some sober sex next date.
Author condogal Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 thanks wofman...that's cute...i just feel as tho there will be awkwardness next time we see eachother...how do i overcome that ?
pookster72 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 (edited) i dont think fooling around with him on the third date will cause him to run away, but freaking out afterward certainly might. relax. have some confidence. stop blowing up his phone about how anxious you are about what you guys did that night. Edited January 7, 2011 by pookster72
Author condogal Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 thanks pookster...ya for sure i'm not doing that...do guys soon forget something like this eventually ?
Author condogal Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 well he always called me everyday or texted throughout the day...yesterday night he never called and still till now...it's 4pm next day...nothing...now i'm starting to worry...this really sucks !
creighton0123 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Put... down... the cell phone. Seriously. 9/10 posts on this forum have to do with problems caused by texting too little, not responding to texts, texting too much, texting serious stuff, texting, texting texting. Texting is bad. Sex is good. Stop doing the bad. Do more of the good.
Author condogal Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 please someone tell me something about my unanswered questions...please please...much appreciated..
Jazzari Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Back off, keep it light and don't make a big deal over it. Be fun and confident, not freaky and insecure. I think he will respond to that better.
Author condogal Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 no no i'm not acting insecure and freaky...i am keeping it light and not contacting him...but i just want to know if it leaves a mans mind eventually...he used to write sweety and babe in the texts and on the phone...now it feels colder...i feel helpless...
JohnnyBlaze Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 ...good right? Well, no, but there weren't any better options. ...how do i win points back? You can still have a drink or two with him, but don't get smashed. This won't be a long-standing restriction, but he'll want to know that you can go the distance with him without having to get drunk first. what does balk at a girl mean ? ...but do you think a guy likes a girl less...what goes off in a mans brain when an episode like this happens to occur? It means he's questioning things. He's probably thinking one of two things to himself. A - "she needs to get drunk to have fun around me" or B - "she's a perpetual party girl". Neither are positives for a guy looking for a long term relationship. He's probably analyzing things now, wondering if things will work or not. It's early enough in the relation that guys do tend to do that. I'm not trying to scare you, but it's reality - guys do that. I had a similar event happen to me last summer. On the first date, not only did the girl get completely smashed, but she was also doing nose candy at her friend's place. She then incessantly texted me for the next few days, to the point where it was interfering with my job and I had to just mute the ringer and put the phone in my jacket for the day. Needless to say, the drinking & drugs, as well as the constant texting, didn't impress me at all, especially on a first (and yes, last) date. ...i just feel as tho there will be awkwardness next time we see eachother...how do i overcome that ? You don't. It's going to be awkward the next time you see him. You'll try to act normal and he'll try to act normal, but you'll both know that things just aren't quite right. You're just going to have to go through that awkward date; sorry. ...do guys soon forget something like this eventually ? Yes and no. He may not forget it for a while, but he'll probably get over it in relatively short order, which is good enough! Give him a few days to decompress. Like Creighton said, back off the cell phone for a little bit. If you keep texting him now, you're only going to push him further away. In a day or two, call him (don't text, call) and set something up. Make it a fun event where you're doing something. That way, the activity will take some of his focus away from being awkward with you and it'll help the both of you get past it faster. Plus, it'll remind him that you're fun to be around, which will score you points!
Author condogal Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 wow Johnnyblaze that was amazing...thankyou sooo much...but i don't think he might think i'm a party girl...it's more how i acted when i was drunk...i'm worried he thinks differently of me...i don't remember the end of the night...but i did text him wierd things like i'm freaking out about what happened tonight and i'm glad i'll be going on vacation and he wrote whats that supposed to mean...and i said it means nothing...lets just say i texted nothings and found him to be cold and i told him so...again...i was still intoxicated and he said he can't believe i'm saying this...what the hell was wrong with me...i'm hoping he can find a way to see me the same as our previous dates and go back to writing sweety and babe... and i'll stay my nice fun self and not get smashed anytime soon...and should i wait till he asks me to go out again ?? thankyou.
alexlakeman Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 If after two dates I don't get any, I tend to feel like the girl is not interested and I move on. LOL, man you are worst than me!! Congrats, how d F do you do it!!?!?! LOL.. My limit is 3 dates, maybe 4, maxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx... good job!! OP, if he likes you, it won't be an issue. I've had sex with a woman on the first date and have pursued her for a relationship, it was not an issue... Did I imagine that was like all her first or second date? Of course...
Author condogal Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 hey alex thanks for your reply...but about the part when you said if he's thinking i did this with all my dates...not sure if he's thinking that cuz i told him i haven't been with anyone in a year and it's true...when you say it to a guy do they believe it ??
Recommended Posts