DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I've been approximately 14 months NC with my ex fiance. Just found out today that she married her rebound. This just confirms how insane she really is but for some reason but it still hurts. The ironic thing is that I didn't go looking for information AT ALL. Someone just blindsided me with it out of nowhere today. For the most part my friends and family have been very understanding that I just don't want to hear anything about the past. I'm on here preaching NC all the time and it couldn't even protect me. The least she could do at this point would be to mail my engagement ring back but I already chalked that up as a loss. I did everything I could to show this woman that I cared about her. She showed me everything negative that could happen to me when I put my heart out there. I was reduced to a shell of myself, lost a year of my life beating myself up and replaying the situation over and over again. But now i've become a much much more mature individual because of that. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change....
TheGrimSweeper Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 That's always going to be hard to hear. Did she know the guy before? That seems insanely fast.
810 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I did everything I could to show this woman that I cared about her. She showed me everything negative that could happen to me when I put my heart out there. I was reduced to a shell of myself, lost a year of my life beating myself up and replaying the situation over and over again. But now i've become a much much more mature individual because of that. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.... May God grant you the realization of your blessings and celebrate a life without negativity right now. 1
Leandro Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 This has divorce written all over it We don't know that. the OP will be just fine. He's super strong and he knows it.
carhill Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Here's my response: 'Poor b@stard' If only my exW's second H had shown the balls to say that to me at some point when we had contact. Oh, the lessons we learn. OP, you have your sanity and are free of this scourge. It's someone else's stuff now. Enjoy 1
GreenPolicy Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I'm at 67 days of NC with my ex-fiancee. Absolute last thing I want to find out is she married the guy she dates right after me. Thank God we met on an online dating site and have no mutual friends. And I try to avoid places where I think I could run into her. I do not want to know her destiny if I am not included in it.
WiseOne1 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Wow, yea, man I think its only because you haven't found someone your in love with, if you had someone special in your life, you would care LESS about her being married to the rebound.
WiseOne1 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I'm at 67 days of NC with my ex-fiancee. Absolute last thing I want to find out is she married the guy she dates right after me. Thank God we met on an online dating site and have no mutual friends. And I try to avoid places where I think I could run into her. I do not want to know her destiny if I am not included in it. Exactly, me and my ex live in diffrent states, 800 miles from eachother, so thankgod we have no mutual friends, and it's a 0% chance of me hearing about any bad news.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 This has divorce written all over it Most rebounds do end in divorce if it gets to the point of marriage. Yeah there is the small chance that it won't, but it most likely will. If 1 of 2 marriages will end in divorce, and rebounds have even less chance of working out, then this is very likely to not end well.
WiseOne1 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Most rebounds do end in divorce if it gets to the point of marriage. Yeah there is the small chance that it won't, but it most likely will. If 1 of 2 marriages will end in divorce, and rebounds have even less chance of working out, then this is very likely to not end well. The only problem with the word (rebound) is that EVERYBODY could be considered as a rebound. Most people define rebound, as the first relationship after one ends. There has to have been millions of times, that someone has married someone that they met after a recent break...my point is, unless your someones FIRST bf or GF ever, most likely your a rebound, especially when it comes to women, because most never stay single for more than a month.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Wow, yea, man I think its only because you haven't found someone your in love with, if you had someone special in your life, you would care LESS about her being married to the rebound. I've been with someone else for a year now and have not had any contact with the ex whatsover while trying to rebuild my life. This just hit me like a ton of bricks though, it hurts.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 The only problem with the word (rebound) is that EVERYBODY could be considered as a rebound. Most people define rebound, as the first relationship after one ends. There has to have been millions of times, that someone has married someone that they met after a recent break...my point is, unless your someones FIRST bf or GF ever, most likely your a rebound, especially when it comes to women, because most never stay single for more than a month. She started dating the dude 2 months after we broke up and was STIL trying to have phone sex with me. To me a rebound is someone who you start dating immediately after you break up with someone within a six month period to get that "taste" of the ex out of your system. ESPECIALLY in the case where you were engaged to someone. But she's a certifiable loon, so I shouldn't expect anything different. But in her case, she's now 33 and all of her friends are married....she had to also, if not just for show. The point is, I have enough respect for myself and other that I didn't jump into another relationship right away. I let myself heal, she looked for someone else to save her. And I can't help but think that she is "Winning" because she got married and I'm not ready to go down that path again, right now. Our definitions of love were different and our ideas of healing were different as well. Somehow I feel like a loser after all of this, although I know I dodged a bullet with this woman (if you read my 1st posts on here).
GreenPolicy Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 She started dating the dude 2 months after we broke up and was STIL trying to have phone sex with me. To me a rebound is someone who you start dating immediately after you break up with someone within a six month period to get that "taste" of the ex out of your system. ESPECIALLY in the case where you were engaged to someone. But she's a certifiable loon, so I shouldn't expect anything different. But in her case, she's now 33 and all of her friends are married....she had to also, if not just for show. The point is, I have enough respect for myself and other that I didn't jump into another relationship right away. I let myself heal, she looked for someone else to save her. And I can't help but think that she is "Winning" because she got married and I'm not ready to go down that path again, right now. Our definitions of love were different and our ideas of healing were different as well. Somehow I feel like a loser after all of this, although I know I dodged a bullet with this woman (if you read my 1st posts on here). First off, marriage is not a guarantee of happily ever after. But I understand what you mean. I think it's obvious you still have feelings for her. Who was enough of a jerk to tell you this? Did they think that you would appreciate this information? I am going through a very brutal b/u. Like you, I thought I had met the woman I was going to marry. And I cannot bear to hear any information about my ex. I don't look at her facebook and I maintain strict NC. I have resolved to never look at the wedding/engagement announcements in the Sunday version of the local paper for fear that one day down the line I will see her in there with another guy. News = hurt. Whoever told you that was inconsiderate and insensitive. My ex-ex, I have no romantic feelings for her and we are friendly. I hope she does meet a good guy who treats her well and I would welcome hearing that kind of news.
mgene15 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I'm soo sorry to hear that... That Is one of the things I fear most..That my ex will marry the guy she is currently with..hang in there
health Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I've been approximately 14 months NC with my ex fiance. Just found out today that she married her rebound. This just confirms how insane she really is but for some reason but it still hurts. The ironic thing is that I didn't go looking for information AT ALL. Someone just blindsided me with it out of nowhere today. For the most part my friends and family have been very understanding that I just don't want to hear anything about the past. I'm on here preaching NC all the time and it couldn't even protect me. The least she could do at this point would be to mail my engagement ring back but I already chalked that up as a loss. I did everything I could to show this woman that I cared about her. She showed me everything negative that could happen to me when I put my heart out there. I was reduced to a shell of myself, lost a year of my life beating myself up and replaying the situation over and over again. But now i've become a much much more mature individual because of that. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.... I respect you for going n/c as long as you have. My ex too "married" the rebound - but I think it's just a facebook click option - her and her husband are both unemployed and on welfare. Keep going and don't check up. I know it's hard. Next time go for a girl who shows you alot of respect and appreciation.
health Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Most rebounds do end in divorce if it gets to the point of marriage. Yeah there is the small chance that it won't, but it most likely will. If 1 of 2 marriages will end in divorce, and rebounds have even less chance of working out, then this is very likely to not end well. 100% agreed! Rebounds which is defined as getting involved relatively fast without healing well - they end and they end even worse and harder because all the other feelings come up they didn't deal with before! lol Rebounds can work - but they take soooo much work - crazy amounts - which isn't really worth it. My whole thing is now - if I see girls who constantly jump from one relationship to the next and can't be happy single - I wal another way - I've learned not to expect much from them - other than a divorce 10 years + down the road like so many experienced on the divorce board here.
Leandro Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 her and her husband are both unemployed and on welfare. Oh, what a life. Who know what life would have been with you .
Leandro Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 My whole thing is now - if I see girls who constantly jump from one relationship to the next and can't be happy single - I wal another way - I've learned not to expect much from them - other than a divorce 10 years + down the road like so many experienced on the divorce board here. Even though my ex wasn't like this, I know she will be now. I will also watch out for girls like that. Know their relationship history a little bit and all.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 Rebound or not, this guy is in for a rude awakening. But I just need to refocus this energy back on myself....it's just damn hard right now.
EricaH329 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 *Hugs* Dusty I'm very sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine the pain it must be causing. Out of pure curiosity, though, i'm wondering if it's a good idea to be with this other person, while still experiencing such strong emotions about your ex? Just something to think about, if you haven't already. I hope you feel better soon!!!
Author DustySaltus Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 *Hugs* Dusty I'm very sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine the pain it must be causing. Out of pure curiosity, though, i'm wondering if it's a good idea to be with this other person, while still experiencing such strong emotions about your ex? Just something to think about, if you haven't already. I hope you feel better soon!!! Hey Erica, thanks for the support. To answer your question, I was really just moving forward with my life and not even thinking about this. I took 6 months for myself and then started seeing someone that i've now been with for about a year. It just hit me like a ton a bricks. As I said earlier, I have had no contact at all for over 14 months. I was talking to a friend of mine who just broke up with her boyfriend because of long distance. We hadn't spoke in a while and she really doesn't know that I didn't want to hear anything about my ex. So when I told her, "Hey, I know what LDR's are all about". She replied, "Oh yeah, well how do you feel about her being married now"? I said, "who"? Then she said, "Uh ohhhh (guess I shouldn't of opened my mouth) and tried to change the subject.... I guess it just put a final stamp on it. It just was a shock to the system. I have changed over the last year though. I am a lot more protective of myself. That's the only lingering effect of the breakup..until now. But i'm sure it will dissipate in time. I mean you know my story, I dodged a bullet.
EricaH329 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Hey Erica, thanks for the support. To answer your question, I was really just moving forward with my life and not even thinking about this. I took 6 months for myself and then started seeing someone that i've now been with for about a year. It just hit me like a ton a bricks. As I said earlier, I have had no contact at all for over 14 months. I was talking to a friend of mine who just broke up with her boyfriend because of long distance. We hadn't spoke in a while and she really doesn't know that I didn't want to hear anything about my ex. So when I told her, "Hey, I know what LDR's are all about". She replied, "Oh yeah, well how do you feel about her being married now"? I said, "who"? Then she said, "Uh ohhhh (guess I shouldn't of opened my mouth) and tried to change the subject.... I guess it just put a final stamp on it. It just was a shock to the system. I have changed over the last year though. I am a lot more protective of myself. That's the only lingering effect of the breakup..until now. But i'm sure it will dissipate in time. I mean you know my story, I dodged a bullet. I do know your story, and you are absolutely right in saying that you dodged a bullet. A big one! I'm very proud of you for coming as far as you have!! And especially taking the time for yourself to move forward before getting into another relationship! Very commendable! I can totally understand how it would come as a shock. Just to get more of an understanding about how you are feeling right now, do you feel hurt? Or is it just shock that all of your conclusions about her, were just completely justified all over again? I truly don't mean to pry
Author DustySaltus Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 I do know your story, and you are absolutely right in saying that you dodged a bullet. A big one! I'm very proud of you for coming as far as you have!! And especially taking the time for yourself to move forward before getting into another relationship! Very commendable! I can totally understand how it would come as a shock. Just to get more of an understanding about how you are feeling right now, do you feel hurt? Or is it just shock that all of your conclusions about her, were just completely justified all over again? I truly don't mean to pry Ask away I think I was hurt for about 5 minutes and then I just put all of the pieces together. I realized that when we were together I told her she needed to get help multiple times with her issues. I told her that i wasn't perfect either and I also want to get better. She never thought anything was wrong with her. Instead of fixing problems, she jumps to the next relationship. Once I realized that the issue was bigger than us, it accelerated the healing process greatly.
Author DustySaltus Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Going to use this as a little bit of log. I woke up this morning after a long night out and stared at the celing for about 5 minutes, thinking about the news. My mind is starting to go around and around like a washing machine again. I guess i'm just upset that she just moved forward with her life while I picked up the pieces. However, I realize that this happened because I am a healthy individual who is trying to become a better person every day on this earth and she just jumps from relationship to relationship, raising the stakes each time. I've said it here before but I remember walking down the block and running into her ex boyfriend. You could see that he looked upset and I got myself ready to maybe just say a brief hello and keep walking. Instead, she wanted me to hug her tighter right in front of him. One of the many warning signs that I ignored. Maybe i'll go back into therapy to get past this. I just really don't want to think about this anymore. She was a toxic person, it was a toxic situation and I dodged a bullet. i just have to make this my mantra and repeat it over and over again....
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