romanticandbroken Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 We have been dating for 3 months. She is turned off because she thinks I am reluctantly paying everything and everywhere. I am uncomfortable because of her expecting me to pay everything. She needs space and time and going on a date this Saturday. I know my lesson--no contact, give her all space and time. She even told me she wants to explore a bit. Any more to be said? Experience? Nothing has happened, we communicate great, sex is great, just she does not feel appreciated for whatever reason
PegNosePete Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Sounds like she wants to play the field. Not much you can do about that I'm afraid. Don't accept the space and time thing, just end it and move on.
Leandro Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Sounds like she wants to play the field. Not much you can do about that I'm afraid. Don't accept the space and time thing, just end it and move on. For once, I agree with Peg.
Author romanticandbroken Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 For once, I agree with Peg. This is what I am doing. Just feel very bad at the moment. She has been playing the field for more than eight years.
PegNosePete Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 There's no reason for you to feel bad, you've done nothing wrong. If she wants to keep playing rather than settle down then it's her choice. Some people never stop playing. At least she was honest about it, rather than cheating.
Author romanticandbroken Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 There's no reason for you to feel bad, you've done nothing wrong. If she wants to keep playing rather than settle down then it's her choice. Some people never stop playing. At least she was honest about it, rather than cheating. Thank you so much. I know I have not done anything wrong and I heard from one of her friends the same. Yes, I respect her choice. I guess my ego is talking, I am hurt, I don't deserve this, blah. Have to man up quickly. It is a mini crisis after a bloody divorce years ago.
Ajax Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Thank you so much. I know I have not done anything wrong and I heard from one of her friends the same. Yes, I respect her choice. I guess my ego is talking, I am hurt, I don't deserve this, blah. Have to man up quickly. It is a mini crisis after a bloody divorce years ago. I get tired of "respecting" my exes choice. I honestly don't think we need to respect it. We need to accept it and abide by it, but that's not the same as respecting. I think my ex made the wrong choice and even if it was right, she went about it in the wrong manner. I don't respect that. I'm not bothering her to get her back. I haven't talked to her in four months. When she broke it off I was respectful and didn't belittle her or beg for her to stay. But i don't respect the decision itself.
Chi townD Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Wait....wait...wants time and space and informed you she's going on a date Saturday? DUDE!!!!.........HELLO?!?!
Author romanticandbroken Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Wait....wait...wants time and space and informed you she's going on a date Saturday? DUDE!!!!.........HELLO?!?! Oh, it is over in my mind. I just needed some unbiased perspective.
spiderowl Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) 'Nuff said. She's lost interest and is picking holes in you to justify it to you and herself. 'Fraid there's little you can do other than dump her. I can't see that it's fair to expect you to pay for everything. The only thing that would bug me if I went out with a guy is if every time he quibbled or expected me to pay from the start. It's not the money, more the generosity of spirit. I just feel that the lack of care would carry over into other areas and make the whole thing less worthwhile. If she needs space, then I'm sorry to say this means that she's stepping back and will probably keep the distance. Someone who doesn't feel right in a relationship will probably feel a need to distance themselves from their partner. This is more or less a need to reflect and relax. I think it's probably rare for someone to then come back into the same relationship. I would give her space and assume it's over and move on. Whatever you do, don't wait to see what she decides. That's an awful position to be in. Make it clear that you won't be waiting around and that you understand it's over. I know it's hard to deal with a situation like this but feelings are a guide to what is right for us. If she isn't feeling right, she won't make you feel right. The woman for you will feel right to you and it will just work: there will be none of this dithering. It is no reflection on your whatsoever, just nature deciding this isn't meant to be. Edited January 11, 2011 by spiderowl
suddendumpee Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Tell her if she wants to play around with space and time, she can buy a flux capacitor. If she wants a real man in her life, she can call you.
Ajax Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Tell her if she wants to play around with space and time, she can buy a flux capacitor. If she wants a real man in her life, she can call you. She'll need 1.21 gigawatts to make it work properly anyway.
Rose T Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Tell her if she wants to play around with space and time, she can buy a flux capacitor. If she wants a real man in her life, she can call you. YOU are a genius. Why didn't I have this line ready when my ex-boyfriend flaked out?
Author romanticandbroken Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 'Nuff said. She's lost interest and is picking holes in you to justify it to you and herself. 'Fraid there's little you can do other than dump her. I can't see that it's fair to expect you to pay for everything. The only thing that would bug me if I went out with a guy is if every time he quibbled or expected me to pay from the start. It's not the money, more the generosity of spirit. I just feel that the lack of care would carry over into other areas and make the whole thing less worthwhile. If she needs space, then I'm sorry to say this means that she's stepping back and will probably keep the distance. Someone who doesn't feel right in a relationship will probably feel a need to distance themselves from their partner. This is more or less a need to reflect and relax. I think it's probably rare for someone to then come back into the same relationship. I would give her space and assume it's over and move on. Whatever you do, don't wait to see what she decides. That's an awful position to be in. Make it clear that you won't be waiting around and that you understand it's over. I know it's hard to deal with a situation like this but feelings are a guide to what is right for us. If she isn't feeling right, she won't make you feel right. The woman for you will feel right to you and it will just work: there will be none of this dithering. It is no reflection on your whatsoever, just nature deciding this isn't meant to be. Thanks, very insightful answer. I know very well "space and time" means I am done. NC is in place. I heard this phrase exactly one week ago, went on two dates since then, and more are coming. I feel VERY bad, but moving on quickly. 3 months was not much time. Will never contact her, dropping off the face of the earth.
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