Strawb Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Me and my boyfriend of 7 months broke up 8 days ago. He did this by ignoring me for 2 days, then telling his friend to lie and tell me his phone was out of battery. Our phones come up when a message has been "delivered" and not "read," and a message always delivers as long as the phone is on. Mine delivered. Anyway. 8 days ago he finally sent me a message telling me that he didn't reply to my messages because he couldn't be bothered, and that he's tired of constantly being annoyed and upset. That he wish he had of felt more when he told me he loved me for the first time (on Christmas Day, after months and months of hinting that he wanted to...but always being too scared/nervous, apparently) but he just didn't. He ended it with "and I don't want a phone call." Now I personally did not take this as a break up text, so I gathered all his stuff and presents he'd bought me, and got a taxi to his house. I'd put all this stuff in bags that day because I had a gut feeling. I'd been crying about it all day and could just sense something bad was going to happen. On the Tuesday, two days before we broke up, something didn't feel right. He kept having little goes at me and seemed to go completely quiet when I was too tired to have sex. However we kissed in the car goodbye and he said "I love you too." What a liar. So when I was in the taxi he was furious with me, messaged me saying "You're coming here? I don't even have privacy in my own home. Ugh." He'd opened his door with my scarf that I'd left at his house in hand, assuming that I'd take it and leave. I asked to come in. Looking annoyed he just rolled his eyes and started to walk upstairs. We sat on his bed for what feels like forever. I asked him what was wrong, he just kept shrugging his shoulders and looking at the floor. He eventually said "I'm just miserable." He couldn't even look at me. He admitted that he's been miserable for at least 3 months, and he's had to pretend throughout the entire 7 months because he's never really been properly happy. I couldn't understand why. A week ago, we'd got each other lovely Christmas presents (he got me a charm that said 'I love you'...what?!?!) and spent two days together seemingly happier than ever. I have to admit, something didn't feel right when he told me he loved me and although I kept saying it to him to try and make something "pop" inside of me, nothing did. I just assumed it was because we'd waited so long to say it, I don't know. We barely argued throughout our entire relationship, but with this came my knowledge that he never let me know when he was annoyed or upset. He occassionally let me know over messages. He'd never express any emotion about our relationship but seemingly extreme happiness. I genuinely thought he was as happy as I was. He often just said "I'm so happy" and "you're so perfect" when we were cuddling. He constantly complimented me and always said he missed me, even minutes after leaving each other. Eventually he admitted that he was "bored" of us, that all I wanted to do was lie and watch TV and sleep. I admit, since September we did just tend to stay in our houses and watch TV. We did go for meals and stuff, but doing anything else was impossible due to the fact that it was freezing outside, and he never had any money. I'll get on to that soon. I also started college in September, so I had a normal sleeping pattern. My ex didn't have a job or go to college, so he expected me to stay up late and eventually seemed annoyed with me when I fell asleep. He even tried to keep me awake at 4am, a few days before we broke up. He then said that he didn't trust me about certain things. I'd been dating him for about 2 weeks the previous year, but because I wasn't over my ex and because he said "love you" at the end of a text after our SECOND date, I told him I just wanted to be friends. He eventually got a horrible new girlfriend, who he frequently broke up with. In March 2010, he broke up with her and told me he would've much rather been with me, and that he wanted to meet up with me for a meal. We'd seen each other in a club the night before, and got on really well, we even exchanged a light kiss. The following morning I asked him several times if we kissed on the lips, and I was like "good" when he said he didn't think we did. This was ONLY because I was still attached to my horrible ex, who called me a slut for kissing this boy on the cheek. When we (most recent ex) broke up, he commented on how pissed off he was for me asking him if we kissed, and that he NEVER believed that I'd broke off with my ex when we dated for those two weeks. I did. I told him that me and my ex never fully broke off (APART FROM THOSE TWO WEEKS) until March 2010, and I assumed he'd be fine with this since he was on and off with HIS ex. I told him from the beginning that I'd broken off with my ex when we first dated. He used the words "When you dropped that bombshell on me after we started going out, I knew I didn't believe you and I'd made a mistake. If I had've known that before we started going out, I wouldn't've came to your door." After we started going out, we got drunk at his house with a few of his friends. I can't remember why, but we ended up having an argument and he slammed his door and ended up sleeping in his car. When I was trying to find him, in the pitch black I thought one of the three boys lying on the bed was him. I lay next to him and cuddled him from behind, and may have (In my heart I know this didn't happen, but my horrible ex has made me believe it) kissed the back of his neck whilst saying sorry. I suddenly realised this was his friend, who looked a lot like him from behind in the dark. The next day, we all laughed about it and I apologised to my boyfriend, he genuinely seemed like he believed me that I thought it was him. Guess what? Apparently he didn't. Apparently his friends had told him that I kissed the boy (which is a complete lie, I wanted to cry with frustration at how untrue it was) and that, for 7 months, he didn't believe me. He CONSTANTLY bitched about his friends, but when we broke up all of a sudden they were the most genuine people in the world. He was horrible about my parents, saying they always had a go at him. They didn't. They always advised him about what they thought he should do with his life, they always tried to help. He was in and out of jobs, which was always the employers fault, and was so "meh" about going to college in January. He always blamed others for this, never himself. I mean, he's crashed his mother's car 3 times...and apparently it's the model of the car that's made that happen. I'm serious. He said that he did "really like me" for the first few weeks, then it all went ****. He said he didn't break up with me because he couldn't be bothered and was doing the "decent" thing by ignoring me and letting me break up with him. I asked him A LOT if he wanted to break up or work on it, he just shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't know. He eventually admitted that he didn't love me and wanted to break up. I asked for a hug, and he just put his arm out in a "I can't be bothered way." I asked for a proper one, and he said "why would you want one?" I then said "maybe if we hadn't've went out, I think we could've been good friends" and he half laughed and said "no we really couldn't've." He deleted and blocked me from facebook. I sent him one last message, and told his friend to let me know what he said. Apparently he said "nothing" and when I asked how he is, he said he seems "relieved" and that he said (like me...hmm) that it never really felt "right." This is the same friend that lied about the phone messages, so I don't know what to believe. He essentially lived a lie for 7 months. It was all forced and fake. I have to admit that, although I liked him a LOT (and I do love him, unfortunately, but I'm not in love with him), it never felt fully right for me either. I can't pin point what it was, but something was never really there. It wasn't like a fairytale and I didn't have a tingling feeling, and I only ever had butterflies on our first few days (the second time round). I miss him like crazy, though. Going on his facebook on my friends account (bad, I know) lets me see that he seems to be absolutely fine. He's making comments about celebrities he thinks are "yummy/sexy/gorgeous" and doesn't seem to be hurting at all. He just seems like his old self...only slightly more arrogant. I should've stuck to my gut instinct, and saw the signs in his mood swings and horribly negative attitude. I should've broke it off when an argument led to him saying that he doesn't think you have to be in love to have sex, and that sex is essential for a relationship (I'd told him I wanted to say I loved him before sex, however we both ignored this). He used to be such a nice person, so nice that he made me feel like the worst person in the world. I feel sick and I'm miserable without him. Thinking of the person that he truly was, I don't miss him. I'm glad he'd shown me his true colours, but 7 months was long enough for me to form an attachment...and ****ing trust him. He said he'd never break up with me, and I believed him.
Author Strawb Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 I could really use advice right now. *bump*
D78 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I promise I'm not being a jerk when I say this, but your post doesn't have any questions. Maybe people will reply when they know what part of your relationship you would like advice about. Again, not trying to be a jerk. Good luck.
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