robaday Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 It's happened again. Great girl, everything going for her, first couple weeks/1.5 month perfect. And then the doubts set in. Everyday, "is she the one?", finding faults with perfectly normal women with everything going for them. I'm sick of this. It's destroyed the last two relationships Ive had and is about to destroy this one. I break up with them and then am filled with remorse, and want to go back. Some have even let me, only for me to do it again and break their heart further. Why am I so scared? I know the underlying reasons but I thought it would get better with time. And then the guilt and self loathing begin. Because underneath it Im not convinced Im good enough, underneath it, I think other guys are tougher and more settled than me, underneath it Im scared of them finding out the real me, the one with low self esteem, the sensitive guy, the guy full of self doubt and the one terrified I mean petrified of rejection. I used to hate people who only wanted what they cant have but in my case thats a self fulfilling prophecy.
Truly Lost Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 You are in control of your own feelings. You have to give a little. You date a person to see if the person is right for you. If they aren't, you will know. But don't nit-pick at everything. No relationship is perfect. Being in a relationship with anyone has an element of risk. When I say "risk" I mean "risk" of your feelings getting hurt. You gotta let your guard down, at least a little. If you don't, you will be lonely for a long time. Stop focusing on all the bad things that could happen and try focusing on the good things. So maybe she did something that turned you off....is it really a deal breaker? Think about it. Dating with hopes for a relationship isn't going to be easy. It takes time and really getting to know someone. If you give up on someone too easily you will find yourself alone yet again. Too many guys I've met do this. They read too much into the girls actions and contrive all these ideas that the girl is going to hurt them, so they dump her before they get hurt...only thing is...they are hurting themselves by denying themselves happiness with a good person. I don't know if I'm making any sense, but stop thinking too much and give happiness with someone a try (not eveything can go exactly your way). Again, if it's not meant to be...you will know, but if your gut tells you that this person is worth another try...then instead of running for the hills....stick it out. Dating isn't easy.
Author robaday Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Thanks for the advice. The thing is the girls I have broken up with were all great in retrospect and did nothing wrong, I panicked at the thought of something really serious happening and fled back to my safety net of being single. What I need to work on, is why is spending time with her parents sooo scary or boring? (I mean really ive been partyin for best part of ten years I should be over it) Do I actually have better things to do? I dont really DO much! but always convince myself Id be better at this or that if i was single Can I be a player? is the life of the single guy getting laid all the time that great? Ive been laid a lot as a single guy but really its rare you have great sex on a one night stand. Yeah the thrills great but the sex rarely is I had one girlfriend who wanted to spend ALL her time with me, and i couldnt due to work pressures etc. I thought why cant she find a guy right for her? even though i loved her, I felt I was holding her back Im fine in the initial dating stage and am totally comfortable talking to women-Ive not had many problems. But once it gets to say a month I realize its heading toward serious territory and I flee.
Truly Lost Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Well, at least there are always prostitutes. Stop being selfish and hurting other people to avoid getting hurt yourself. I am always scared of meeting and dating people like you. And sadly I have...a couple times now in my life. It's the worst feeling. I bet you never even had the courtesy to tell the girl why you left...you just did. Cowardly!! I don't feel sorry for you at all. Wake up and stop toying with people's feelings. Geez....you are doing, to other people, the very thing you are afraid of people doing to you. Grow up!!
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