brokenglass Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 So like 2 years ago when my ex and I broke up, I was obviously very sad and whiny blah blah blah. I posted on here a lot venting and crying about it but I eventually got over it. In the past 2 years we've become friends, we work together to make sure our son is happy and has what he needs. I get along with her new boyfriend (even though its very difficult at times) and for the most part everything is good. Her and I have had 2 fights since we split and we always end up apologizing and talking it out. Last night I asked if she could take me to my storage unit to get stuff out now that I have a place to stay (I was homeless for a bit of time). She had our son and I went back to the house to help him with his homework and play with him after we got my stuff before his bedtime. After we put him to bed, her and I smoked a little bit, me and the boyfriend caught up, we showed him a movie we were both in that we participated in when we were together (to show how ridiculous we looked) and then her and I left. In the car we were just talking about the movie days, just reminiscing, nothing serious or relationshippy or anything of the sort. She asked if I talked to a friend from my childhood lately and I said no. The reason why is because I was completely inappropriate over Facebook the last time we did and she stopped talking to me as a result, but when we were together I lied to her about why. I didn't even think about it and just admitted that I was being creepy and thats why she stopped talking to me. After we got to my new place we unloaded all of my stuff, I was walking back inside and I stopped at the door to thank her for helping me and that I'd see her in a few days to hang out with our son, and as she was looking at her phone she said "I love you." Like a ninja I pretended to not hear that and said I'll see you later and closed the door. Now this really hasn't affected me like it would if this were exactly two years ago, the last time I heard her utter those words to me. After thinking about it and sleeping on it, I am actually pretty pissed off at the whole situation. The biggest reason why? I know she didn't mean it. She was probably too high to realize that I wasn't her new boyfriend and just said it out of habit. The new boyfriend and I are nothing alike, she was checking her phone when she said it to me and didn't actually look at me, but she said it and I heard it loud and clear. I've pretty much decided to pretend it didn't happen. I told my roommate and hes perplexed, but he's also not anyone that would understand situations like this (he's 33 and has only had like 4 girlfriends his entire life). Should I just pretend it didn't happen? I am afraid it might eat at me a little bit if I don't say anything but then again, knowing her, she will just deny saying it. It just seriously bothers me because I miss my son to death and I miss seeing him every day, especially now that he's older and I am a more patient, different person after being single for the past 2 years.
reservoirdog1 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Definitely pretend it didn't happen. I agree, there are two possibilities: she said it because she was stoned and meant to say it to her BF, or she said it really meaning it. In any event, if you bring it up with her, she will probably deny it or minimize it. Which will just succeed in making you feel very uncomfortable, and probably worse than you do now. I.e. it'll eat at you, which is what you don't want. If you ignore it, and she DIDN'T mean it or doesn't remember it, no harm done. And if she DID mean it, then you maintain the position of power -- she'll be wondering why you didn't respond, why you acted like nothing happened, and will probably find a way to say it again. Which, I'm gathering from your email, you kind of want anyway, because it sounds like you want to be with her. If I'm wrong on the last part, my bad. But the point is, I don't see any benefit from mentioning it to her.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 You smoked weed with your son in the other room and then she drove you home high? That's very poor decision making on both of your parts. Anyway, if you are curious about it then just ask her.
Author brokenglass Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 You smoked weed with your son in the other room and then she drove you home high? That's very poor decision making on both of your parts. Anyway, if you are curious about it then just ask her. That's your opinion and I respect that. I am a capable adult, participating in things I enjoy recreationally without it being a burden on other aspects of my life or enough to affect either of our driving abilities. If you're that concerned, it was just half of a small bowl, maybe 4 tokes between the two of us. And it wasn't in the "other room," I didn't say that anywhere in my post. If you're that concerned, it was outside where it belongs, just like the rest of anything thats smoked. Moving on... There was a time when I did want to be with her again. But being single has made me realize how toxic that relationship was. After much thought over the past 2 years, I would reconsider a relationship but a lot of things would have to change, with her that is. For the most part she is still very similar to the same girl I dated when I met her almost 7 years ago and being the person I am today, that is not attractive to me. She has matured a bit and gotten a bit healthier in some aspects but not others. Its hard to explain on an internet forum. I do care about her a great deal and my love for her has changed, I respect her as my son's mother and a friend and consider her family. It is different for me and difficult to explain. My friends think I am a champion and commend me on our relationship with her and think its rather mature of us to be able to get along and communicate and put our past behind us and focus on our son. That and to be honest, her new boyfriend, while a very nice guy with good intentions(...), he's kind of a dirt bag. I mean that in the most sincere way possible. He just looks dirty to me. I don't know how to explain it. I couldn't imagine touching her after he's gone and rubbed his funk all over that I think you're right resevoirdog...if she did mean it she will find out another way to communicate it to me that isn't in a very strange way. And if she didn't and wasn't paying attention, no harm no foul. The last thing I would like at this stage in the game is to be like "you said you loved me, what was that? I mean I don't love YOU anymore or anything but I heard you say it and I was just wondering why you said that" because that just comes across to me as, I love you too but I won't admit it until you do and thats just straight up not the case.
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Don't bring it up. Who knows what she meant by it. Bottomline is, you two are finally at a peaceful place for the sake of your son, you two have to get along and co-parent together. Let a friendship build, but just as parents, not as a couple. Not judging, but she shouldn't be driving when high. It's as bad as drunk driving.
reservoirdog1 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Not judging, but she shouldn't be driving when high. It's as bad as drunk driving. I agree with this.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Not judging, but she shouldn't be driving when high. It's as bad as drunk driving. Yeah, this is what I was trying to say as well. I guess OP is not ready to be confronted on this behavior. Hopefully he will think about it though... As far as your ex goes, I would just let it go. If she says it again sober, then you may want to question her on it.
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