sigurpol Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Quick backstory! I met this lovely lady through some friends about a few years ago while I was at a show, and we really hit it off. Never officially dated at the time, but we might as well have. We never really expressed how we felt with each other and things would become a little awkward. Anyway, we lost touch after so long and didn't talk for about a year when I went on to date someone else after her and I grew silent. During all of last year, I would see her out, but neither one of us would say a word. Around then I caught myself thinking about her a lot and wanted to get back in touch. So, I did.. and we caught up, and things have been excellent. We're both extremely happy and have been together for about 4 months now. Things have really fallen into place and we're always on the same page about everything. However, the past 2 weeks, I noticed she would have this tone. I called her out on it once, because she seemed upset about something I did.. for a while she would just answer with, 'I'm fine' until I got it out of her. But, that's the start. She usually calls me when she's getting off work, or I do the same depending on our schedule. She'll get some kind of tone to her voice (and I'm probably overreacting) and then the conversation is quiet. So, I'll wait a little, try to lighten the mood to no avail.. then finally ask, "are you alright?" "Yea...." And then it's dead silent for 30 seconds up to a minute. The other day I finally said, "Listen, I know it's annoying sometimes when I ask if you're okay, but I'm just used to language barriers when I'm with someone.. the other person seems to never want to talk or express anything, so I'm left sitting in the dark wondering what is going on with them. We talk about personal things all the time and share a lot, so it's natural for me to hear you out when something is aloof". After this talk, things were fine, I was reassured, and she told me she was just having a hard time at work and things with family. Which is true, there have been serious problems with family at home, her hours have been cut, she's in debt, etc... But tonight, it just happened again. She texted me earlier if I could drive her to work tomorrow morning because her car needs inspected. I replied with, "of course! Just let me know the details :)" She calls me after work, sort of in a lousy mood from people she had to deal with, and then says, "don't worry about driving all the way down here to take me to work. I'll ask my roommate". And I asked if she was sure, she said yes. And I said, "Okay, well ask your roommate or friends who live nearby, but if they still can't, let me know and I'll come down" Silence. About a minute later, she said she was getting off the phone. I said I was sorry to hear she had a rotten day at work and hopefully being home relaxes her a little more. She said, "it's whatever", and we hung up. I'm really getting at the end of my rope.. but I don't want to be because I truly care and would like to help, but I feel like... damned if I do, damned if I don't. Or maybe I'm just really overreacting.
welikeincrowds Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Hmmm. She doesn't sound too happy. I think I can relate to this behavior though. Would you consider her an introvert?
paleblue Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Not sure whats going on here. You know how people can get into moods. But I would stop telling her you're sorry she's having a bad day and relaxes and asking her if she is sure about car rides, and all that. You are being too nice. Kinda doormatish. And she is acting like a witch. If it were me I would back off a little. And if she asks tell her you're giving her some space since she seems moody lately. See what happens.
Author sigurpol Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 I don't mean for her to sound like a "w"itch, because she isn't at all. But, one could consider her as an introvert. She does spend a lot of time thinking and what not. Either way, she called me back and actually apologized about being dismissive and we had a good conversation. Everything is cool. I just needed to write a little bit is all. Thanks guys.
lonley_heart Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 (edited) I recognize myself in your friend. I have caught myself being cold, non-responsive and pretty much acting like I don't even like the person I'm talking to. When I do this it's never because I am mad at the person or don't like them or whatever - it's because I'm in a pissy mood and for some reason or another, I don't want to be nice. Simple as that. I understand that's a messed up way to be. It is very disrespectful of the other person. They don't deserve to be treated that way and I think it's childish of me as well. When I catch myself doing it, I try to stop and usually apologize. If you can't just ignore it when she acts like that and it bothers you to be treated that way, I would call her on it. If she's really a good, caring woman she will be contrite and see that she's doing it and hopefully knock it off. Edited January 7, 2011 by lonley_heart
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