oneflower22 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 My boyfriend of over a year left me last night. yet he couldnt really explain why and im rather confused. we have a great relationship. hardly ever fought. he called me every single night to wish me sweet dreams. even when leaving me he couldnt deny he is still completely in love with me. we are young, and in a long distance realtionship. go to school half way across the country. i do my best to come home and see him often, but weve never known anything but long distance, wit a summer the most time weve had together. i know the distance is hard on him. he also hates seeing me cry or hearing how much i miss him when are not together. my life is pretty planned out, but he has alot ot figure out and i think he wants space to figure out on his own. hes also very insecure, and has always worried hes not good enough for me and that im turning down men who could make me happier becuase im tied up with im. i know its not about seeing other people either. he wants space, time alone. he has no itnerest in being with anyone else. he even admitted hell probably want me back. but hes so stubborn and sure its over now. i dont get it. the reason he kept giving me that he cant handle hurting me anymore. he doesnt want to hurt me anymore. he loves me, so he cant hurt me. i assume hes referring to the distance. it dosnt make sence. hes th nicest guy i ever met. am i just kidding myseld here that he doesnt really want to be broken up? that if i give him space, stop talking for a few weeks, then give him a casual call to see how hes doing he might realize how much he misses me and want me back? also, what complimcates things is what happened after we 'broke up'. I wrote him a hundred reasons he lvoes me confident he would take me back. didnt work. so i asked him to make love to me one more time. it was great, and wasnt the last time that night at all. but it didnt work. after i got dressed and started packing, i broke down. this is what gets me. sex is just sex, im not kidding myself here. but he held my hand as i cried over him for hours and hours, and even though e has work in morning stayed throught the night just olding me, listening to me rant, telling me id be strong and be alright. no man would do that for you if i doesnt love you, would he? so where do i go from here? im about to be half way across the country. i messed up infront of him when he left me. i told him i loved him, i would wait, i knew he would come back. but ive sucessfully cut contact since i left. how do i win him back? do you think he does still love me? im only a college junior and i know i have alot of time ahead of me. this may not be 'the one' but he sure as hell is a good guy worth fighting for. i cant give up on our relationship. how do i save it? your help would be greatly appreciated
eidolon Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Well, first off, I'd like to say I'm really sorry about what happened. I know it sucks, but try to buck up. I don't think I can say anything better than what Homebrew has said, so I'm going to link you to it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=251986 Since you're both in your 20s, it sounds a bunch like GIGS. I wish you the best of luck, and I know it's hard, but give him space. He'll realize what he's lost, and come back to you.
aerogurl87 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Your best bet is to go no contact with him like you've done and try to move on. If he wants you back later and you want to give it another go, then go for it. But in the meantime don't put your life on hold for another person.
Author oneflower22 Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 thank you:), that really is a good post, and does sound alot like this. i guess its just hard accepting that giving space is the best thing to do, as it feels like doing nothing. We met throuhg a mutual friend at my school (she went to highschool with him and college with me, we are all from the same state originally, kinda complicated). I was the one to begin talking, who first went to his apprtment an initiated fliratation and hooking up, and who eventually asked him to be exclusive. having no control is a foriegn feeling to me. that post also made me realize the who fear thing seems likely. i just met his entire family. his parents liked me so much he just made up a reason for me to leave his place a little early, didnt even tell them we broke up...we made plans to live together this summer. thats enough to scare any man whos at all commitment phobic i suppose. i always tell him he doesnt need to know more than he loves me and wants to be with me now, that i kow the future is unceratain, but he can probabaly tell im quite certain i want him there at least for awhile, maybe more than he is sure of... i guess thats another thing i need to figure out how to do. i desperately want him back...for now..for our summer. but i want him to know its okay if hes not sure he wants me to eb the one...most people dont know that at our age. but after a decent amount of time together, were weve gotten now, i suppose he wont come back unless he thinks theres a chance i am, will he? weve got another 3 semesters of long distance ahead of us..why do that if its going to end soon after? I suppose..i dont want it to end soon after..let alone now...
Author oneflower22 Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 and aerogirl, it seems like you are right. as im not sure if i said this yet, but i know its not fair to force someone to think of you. they need to miss you on their own. i get that. but at the same time, sitting and doing nothing doesnt seem like a good idea... i know he needs space, and i have to wait. im not putting my life on hold in any way. ill be busy with classes and work and hobbies. i know i couldnt be emotionally availabe to another person for a long time, regardless if im hoping to hear from him, im not ready for soemthing like this again anytime soon, i know it. but he really seems worth fighting for, even if its going to take a long time. would it be wrong to try and iniate some sort of contact? im sure e knows we cant just be friends. but we both still care about each other. it seems rediculous i cant speak to him ever again if i want to be with him. he has pride. i feel he would come back, but not without a little leg work. what the leg work should be, i suppose, is my main question
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