khartman714 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 My boyfriend just left today. We're going to be apart for months this time. It was so hard to say goodbye and the pain is almost unbearable. I just want to make sure that I don't focus so much on us being apart, and instead find productive ways to help time fly by. I'm trying not to drive myself crazy or into depression with this. I want to stay strong for him and especially myself. How do all these successful couples do it? LDR is a real pain! So any advice helps.
folieadeux Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I find counting down the days to be exciting; the time really does fly by...but I can certainly see where you're coming from as well. My boyfriend left this Monday and I'm slowly coming down off the high from the wonderful time we had together. The only thing that's keeping me sane is keeping busy...I know most people don't like to hear that being used as a coping strategy for their LDR, but it really does work for me. I'm focusing on our visit next month and thankfully am swamped at work from the time I was away. Having a support system helps too...whether it be friends/family/co-workers or posting on here. Definitely keep strong and positive for each other during the time your're apart. How far away do you live from each other?
creighton0123 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 There are two things that constantly and consistently help me: 1. Regular and reliable communication. Boyfriend and I talk almost every day, if not twice a day through video chat. If said talk is just signing on for a minute to say good morning/goodnight, that's worth it. 2. I had to change my way of thinking. I'm not in a relationship. I'm in a long distance relationship. Approaching it from the mindset of "finding ways to keep yourself busy" doesn't truly resolve the underlying problem at a psychological level. Instead, change your mindset. "I will do this to distract me from that" ignores the pain. "I will do what I otherwise normally do while looking forward to xxx" is much different. For example: I wake up every morning looking forward to talking to him at night. In having something to constantly look forward to, I find that I don't miss him nearly as much. Instead of missing him in the bed at night, I think of how awesome it is to be able to sprawl out and sleep while he is thinking of me throughout his work day. You wouldn't eat an apple and expect it to taste like an orange. You shouldn't be sad when it tastes like an apple because apples are delicious, just not in an orange-ey way. At the same time, you shouldn't approach a long distance relationship with the same mindset you would a local relationship. Otherwise, you'll be constantly subjecting yourself to extremely avoidable and unrealistic expectations. A long distance relationship is special in and of itself. If you keep looking forward to the things to come and truly appreciate even the smallest of things (an IM you receive when you sign online in the morning or after you get home from work at night), you'll find time will fly by until you inevitably look forward to seeing him only a few days away. Edit: Personality wise, I am what you would call an extreme optimist. I am also extremely candid and very capable of upfront and honest communication. I suppose that's what helps me and boyfriend get along. He has nothing to worry about or be jealous over because I tell him everything there is to tell.
SophieA Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 The healthiest relationships are created when two individuals come together. You have to have your own full life and be your own complete person before you can contribute to a healthy relationship. My tips for surviving (and dare I say, thriving, in a LDR): 1. Get out of the house. Hang with friends. Go see a movie. Grab lunch/dinner with a friend/family member. 2. Try something new. You'll have an awesome sense of accomplishment and something to talk to your SO about. Take a class, read a new novel, try a new recipe, learn to knit/kickbox/juggle/whatever. 3. Exercise, exercise. I firmly believe it is just as good for the soul as it is for the body. Hit the gym, go for a run, walk your dog/your friend's dog. You'll feel better. You'll look better. You'll have more energy to stay up late and skype. 4. Set skype dates/cellphone dates with your SO and stick to them! Things may come up sometimes that cause you to reschedule, but that's life! 5. Most importantly love yourself first. You can't love anyone else unless you love and respect yourself. These are tips that I am sure you have heard before. The reason you've heard them before is because they work! I promise! We've done this for 27 months now and in 97 we'll be together for good. Hang in there sweetie! It can work!
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 (edited) we all have different ways of coping, you just have to find what works best for you and your boyfriend. my fiance and i have similar ways of coping. after spending a lot of time together, we "rubber band." he gets back to work, stay in touch with families and friends and share to them our happy adventures. i do the same. when we retract, that's when we reconnect and have our time together. we set long chats on weekends. it's our date day and almost spend 8-10 hours of talking, gaming, watching movies together (we chat while we watch the same movie) and video chat. i do miss him but i don't feel "empty" or "incomplete" when he is not around. cuz the key for this relationship to work is to be happy by yourself and sharing yourself and love to another person is just the bonus! and btw since creighton mentioned apples i would like to share this quote to you from "kite runner" One time, when I was really little, I climbed a tree and ate these green, sour apples. My stomach swelled and became hard like a drum, it hurt a lot. Mother said that if I'd just waited for the apples to ripen, I wouldn't have become sick. So now, whenever I really want something, I try to remember what she said about the apples. Edited January 7, 2011 by TokyoG33kyGal
Romance Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I really do not have any close friends so its hard for me to cope with my ldr because I am lonely a lot. I feel as though I had some girl friends, it'd all be easier. I miss him most when I am home alone. I think looking at it in a positive light and staying busy and not moping is all we can do
folieadeux Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I really do not have any close friends so its hard for me to cope with my ldr because I am lonely a lot. I feel as though I had some girl friends, it'd all be easier. I miss him most when I am home alone. I think looking at it in a positive light and staying busy and not moping is all we can do I'm in a very similar situation as you. My boyfriend is the socially "busier" one out of the pair of us. I've moved around quite a bit and really don't know anyone where I am now apart from my coworkers, who I would hardly classify as good friends.
Recommended Posts