exquisite Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 everyone knows that in a relationship there has to be self esteem...but what if you feel threatened, ugly, when youre with you bf? i feel overly anxious whenever im with my bf & there happens to be an attractive girl with us, regardless of if we're at the mall, or in a restaurant, or even hanging out with friends. i constantly feel like im ugly, like i dont measure up, like my bf is sitting next to me & thinking "that girl is gorgeous, i wish i was with her" or "i wish my gf looked like her". i was never like this. i was always fairly confident, self-assured, kinda knew i was attractive. i was comfortable in my own skin. but now, i feel like nobody, like im just getting less attractive by the second. im constantly worrying about my figure, my makeup, my hair, EVERYTHING. & it certainly isnt helping that i have a slight social anxiety. of course, you should know, my bf is a self-proclaimed 'player'. & i know for a fact that he's been with many girls. i guess another thing is, every time we're out somewhere, he looks at other girls. & flirts. ...or maybe he doesnt flirt & its all in my head. maybe im just too paranoid & what is meaningless "niceness" to me is registered as flirtation. but regardless, i cant seem to help but get anxious every time we're out together. & im like any girl, i get breakouts, i have bad hair days, i have days where i dont seem to fit into any cute clothes & nothing looks ok. but my bf, he always tells me im beautiful. even when i wake up in the morning, knowing i look like a monster. he always tells me im sexy & he wouldnt want to ever be with anyone else. but it just doesnt help. it also doesnt help that aparently my bf is wanted by every chick that seems to come our way. plus, i dont have that many girlfriends...& now im starting to realize thats because im threatened. does anyone else feel this way? how do you deal?
creighton0123 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 & im like any girl, i get breakouts, i have bad hair days, i have days where i dont seem to fit into any cute clothes & nothing looks ok. but my bf, he always tells me im beautiful. even when i wake up in the morning, knowing i look like a monster. he always tells me im sexy & he wouldnt want to ever be with anyone else. Yes. Stop listening to yourself and start listening to your boyfriend a little more.
Author exquisite Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 when i have a bf that constantly turns his head to look at other girls or flirt around, hell, even when we're at dinner together, its a little difficult to believe him.
shadowofman Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 My gf is absolutely gorgeous and I am still looking at other women like you describe. If I were with the most undeniably beautiful oman in the world, I would be the same. It's the nature of many men. Do not let what happens in men's minds effect your perception of yourself. Accept yourself for as beautiful as you are. Likewise, I do not look like the most handsome man, but I understand that I'm in the top percentile for the world population. I don't need to be any more handsome than I am. I don't know your situation, but it's likely not as bad as you think it is.
810 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 does anyone else feel this way? how do you deal? I don't know how old you are but at my age, which is heading to be 30, I deal with myself first before I deal with anyone else. I heal myself first before I go out and fight for anything. And I don't fight every battle. It takes too much energy, too tiresome and wasting my time. With that said, you have to ask yourself why are you feeling insecure? is it with or without him? what is it that you lack in your life? what's your desire? and when you are out with him, remember this: "You have what they don't have: Him."
Author exquisite Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 im 20...& this is my first serious relationship..but idk, i mean, i have standards. i shouldnt be treated like that. just yesterday, he told me he isnt happy when i start putting myself down every day, every morning. saying im fat, i gained weight, i hate my hair, i hate my constant breakouts. it apparently "irritates" him. we got into a huge fight about it fkn a, are you joking? because i used to have the ego of megan fox. i thought i was the queen of all that is good & holy in this world lol. or at least i believed it for half the time, regardless if i felt that way or not. & now? well, how would you feel if you had a bf that constantly, CONSTANTLY looks at other girls when he's with you. & i have self esteem issues like any other girl.hell, i dont even wanna be around other girls when im with him. i swear to god, he'll kiss me every now & then, but be urging the other girl to drink shots with him, or tease her about something. maybe i am paranoid. when i bring it up, he blows up at me. in fact, i believe his exact words were to me last night, "well it's meaningless, so why dont you just ignore it?" in fact, he told me its not even intentional, that he just looks, he doesnt know why, but he's not checking them out, according to him because he's not thinking "dang, i wanna bone that girl right now." so wtf is he thinking then? why the hell is he looking?
shadowofman Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I suggest you dump him. Put him out of his misery. And good luck finding a man that doesn't check out other women. Remember that if you think you have, he is likely better at hiding it than your current. I suggest finding a man in a church. But even most of them are dogs.
Author exquisite Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 I suggest you dump him. Put him out of his misery. And good luck finding a man that doesn't check out other women. Remember that if you think you have, he is likely better at hiding it than your current. I suggest finding a man in a church. But even most of them are dogs. ik men check girls out. youre men, fine. but doing it when youre with your gf is rude. & disrespectful to her.
zaccer Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Every time you say to your BF negative things about yourself, he absorbes them. If you present yourself in a negative way as a person who is not valuable, he will believe in all the bad things about you sooner or later. Also, you will believe in the irrational negative things as well. In fact, it is a much better approach to stop saying all the negative things to yourself and other people. They are irrational and false. The best way is to change all the negative ideas into positive ideas and to repeat the positive ideas to yourself untill you believe in them.
shadowofman Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Agreed. Your negativity turns me off too. You need to know that even IF another woman is hotter than you (which I can guarantee that MANY of them are) it still doesn't mean you are less then. The more positive you are, then the more attractive you will be. Even if you acknowledge his wandering eyes with a "Are you looking at that girl? Isn't see beautiful? I'm envious of her beauty." And as long as you say it in a positive, matter of fact manner, then you will expose your vulnerabilities in a positive/attractive way. He will likely sympathize with your feelings because everyone has felt that way at one point or another, and he will begin to boost your self-esteem rather than fight with you about being so down on yourself.
lonley_heart Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I agree, too. I have had friends that are like that. Constantly putting themselves down or asking me over and over if they look okay?, are you sure? No I don't, etc. It gets old really fast and that's just girlfriends talking. I'm like, god you're so insecure, you are so pathetic! Think what your man would think then if you're talking like that to him. It also makes me think they are fishing for a compliment. You want him to disagree with you that you are beautiful, not fat, etc. Very needy, insecure, pathetic and a total TURN OFF. I'd keep my insecurities to myself if I were you.
lonley_heart Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I agree, too. I have had friends that are like that. Constantly putting themselves down or asking me over and over if they look okay?, are you sure? Am I too fat for him? Am I too ugly for him?, etc. It gets old really fast and that's just girlfriends talking. I'm like, "god you're so insecure, you are so pathetic!" Think what your man would think then if you're talking like that to him. It also makes me think you are fishing for a compliment. You want him to disagree with you and tell you that you are beautiful, not fat, etc. Very needy, insecure, pathetic and a total TURN OFF. I'd keep my insecurities to myself if I were you.
Recommended Posts