I'm always the one initiating the phone calls, does that mean she isn't interested?

[garycoleman]

The girl I'm dating never calls me so I always have to call her to setup the dates or just to talk about how her day went.

 

She is not shy and is very out going so I don't think those are her problems.

[Mad Max]

Move on. Even if she is interested, it's not fair for you to put in all the effort where she puts in none.

[garycoleman]

Move on. Even if she is interested, it's not fair for you to put in all the effort where she puts in none.

 

it's kind of weird. sometimes when I call her to just to talk, she will invite me out. if she wanted to invite me out in the first place, I don't understand why she doesn't make the phone call.

[Mad Max]

it's kind of weird. sometimes when I call her to just to talk, she will invite me out. if she wanted to invite me out in the first place, I don't understand why she doesn't make the phone call.

 

 

Do you really want to be in a relationship where she doesn't pursue you at all?

[ivalm]

it's kind of weird. sometimes when I call her to just to talk, she will invite me out. if she wanted to invite me out in the first place, I don't understand why she doesn't make the phone call.

 

Clearly I don't know your case but I do think some girls (at least in teen/early twenties) who are otherwise outgoing and extroverted can get VERY shy with a guy they REALLY like when the relationship is in its "casual" part. Perhaps one way to overcome it is to push a bit harder on her? You could tell her you really like her and make the relationship more serious. I think if things remain uneven and casual like you described the relationship won't last long. Of course, I could be very wrong

[SmileFace]

How long have you guys been dating?

How serious is it ?

 

She may just not realize it . Sometimes when I am dating a guy ,and he is usually the one who always initiated contact. I fall into the habit of waiting for him. Not because I want him to do all the work but it is just what I grew accustom to him doing. I think you may want to mention it to her. I won't say cut contact with her - since she then may think you lost interest. They is no reasons for games but communication is key

[whatupwiththat]

Do you really want to be in a relationship where she doesn't pursue you at all?

 

Do you also expect the women to do the proposing? I always follow the man's lead..

[Mad Max]

Do you also expect the women to do the proposing? I always follow the man's lead..

 

 

Apples and oranges. The woman pursuing some of the time has nothing to do with proposing. Did I strike a nerve?

[SweetyBear]

I wouldn't worry about it. She probably is just allowing you to take the lead in the relationship. Obviously, she's interested in hearing from you and seeing you or she wouldn't invite you out once you contact her. If it really bothers you, though, you could ask her about it. I wouldn't be surprised if she's just one of those women who has been taught it is better for the man to do the calling and initiating and she will start calling you if you ask. If she has definite ideas of a man taking charge, though, you might come off as a little needy.

[Lovelybird]

If a man doesn't pursue enough a woman, then he really doesn't want her.

[garycoleman]

How long have you guys been dating?

How serious is it ?

 

She may just not realize it . Sometimes when I am dating a guy ,and he is usually the one who always initiated contact. I fall into the habit of waiting for him. Not because I want him to do all the work but it is just what I grew accustom to him doing. I think you may want to mention it to her. I won't say cut contact with her - since she then may think you lost interest. They is no reasons for games but communication is key

 

6 weeks and have had 10 dates, although last week I felt she became distant from me. But she agreed to see me this weekend.

[Mad Max]

If a man doesn't pursue enough a woman, then he really doesn't want her.

 

 

I can say the same thing about women. If she wants me, she'll do anything to be with me.

[Jazzari]

I wouldn't worry about it. She probably is just allowing you to take the lead in the relationship. Obviously, she's interested in hearing from you and seeing you or she wouldn't invite you out once you contact her. If it really bothers you, though, you could ask her about it. I wouldn't be surprised if she's just one of those women who has been taught it is better for the man to do the calling and initiating and she will start calling you if you ask. If she has definite ideas of a man taking charge, though, you might come off as a little needy.

I agree with this.

 

Also, if she is really into you, she may be insecure. It's one thing to be outgoing when you have nothing to lose. Another thing entirely if you have alot of emotion invested in a relationship. Everytime you initiate contact, it makes her feel more secure that you really like her.

[Lovelybird]

I can say the same thing about women. If she wants me, she'll do anything to be with me.

but men and women are different.

 

when a man pursues a woman, the relationship is going somewhere good

 

when a woman pursues a man, the relationship is going somewhere not so good, in long term sense. the woman ends up being bitter and resent him

[Mad Max]

but men and women are different.

 

when a man pursues a woman, the relationship is going somewhere good

 

when a woman pursues a man, the relationship is going somewhere not so good, in long term sense. the woman ends up being bitter and resent him

 

 

Strongly disagree. I challenge you to refute that with empirical proof. Being different does not justify not making a move. I've been in LTRs with her making the first move. I wasn't resented for it. This is just an excuse to not make any effort.

[Jazzari]

In terms of the chase, I don't really agree with either the man or woman being primary.

 

The chase should be a mutal dance. Teasing, flirting, having fun. Both sides take turns being the agressor until the courtship evolves into a committed relationship.

[waynebrady]

As a man you shouldn't really expect a woman to initiate a phone call or put in any effort. You will only get disappointed. If she initiates a phone call, Great. But if she doesn't, don't think about it just know that most women don't initiate phone calls ever(not even in long term relationships). It is what it is, unfortunately.

[waynebrady]

If a man doesn't pursue enough a woman, then he really doesn't want her.

 

Despite what women think. Alot of men don't like doing all the chasing and always being the one to initiate contact and put in all the effort. Men want to feel like the woman wants him too and that it's no just a one way street in terms of intrest.

[ivalm]

Strongly disagree. I challenge you to refute that with empirical proof. Being different does not justify not making a move. I've been in LTRs with her making the first move. I wasn't resented for it. This is just an excuse to not make any effort.

 

I have to agree with Max. First 3-4 dates I can see the man doing all of the work (although it's really nice if a girl has some initiative too) but when you're at 10 dates, I expect the girl to contribute to the contact as well -- it is reassuring to the guy! Again, perhaps she doesn't realize that so OP should tell her how he feels. I agree that simply going NC is not productive, I think a good relationship is open and honest about issues and does not include playing mind games.

[Lovelybird]

Strongly disagree. I challenge you to refute that with empirical proof. Being different does not justify not making a move. I've been in LTRs with her making the first move. I wasn't resented for it. This is just an excuse to not make any effort.

maybe she has extra male energy, a woman energy won't want to pursue, a woman energy want to be responsive. If she really desires being purpued, but in order to have a relationship with you, she has to pursue, she will resent it after a very long period if she pursuing you is a pattern

[funlove]

from my experience, if it is all one sided in the phone call originations then it usually is that way in general... sadly...

[Mad Max]

maybe she has extra male energy, a woman energy won't want to pursue, a woman energy want to be responsive. If she really desires being purpued, but in order to have a relationship with you, she has to pursue, she will resent it after a very long period if she pursuing you is a pattern

 

 

That's not empirical proof. The fact is my input cannot be refuted.

[ConfusedAsUsual]

The girl I'm dating never calls me so I always have to call her to setup the dates or just to talk about how her day went.

 

She is not shy and is very out going so I don't think those are her problems.

 

 

I rarely call my boyfriend. He was always the one to call me so thats just how it is. I do text him, and the inviting thing between us is mutual. I wouldn't write off her just yet...