Jen1981 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I 've reached a truly angry stage of my grieving proces! My dumper has just replied to a mail I sent a week ago asking him to meet on Skype so that I can get som answers. We were together 10 years, he broke up with me in an e-mail, asked for NC and disappeared. I was diagnosed with post-traumatic depression. He then reappeared on my birthday by sending a thoughtful gift and a text saying he "misses talking to me". Last week I wrote a mail saying I appreciate the gesture and him reaching out to me and also that I would like to have some questions answered to be able to proces this whole thing since it was a very sudden and dramatic break-up. I've waited anxiously for his answer a week and now he's just sent me a reply that has shaken me to the core. We have a company together (a website) that he wants to shut down. I'd like to continue doing the company since it's been a huge part of our lives the past 3 years! We still haven't spoken about it at all but now he has apparently decided to start an identical site/company while shutting ours down. He also wrote that he wants to write a goodbye-note on our site and link to his new one. Here's the reply: "Thank you for your mail I also have a very difficult time coping. I'm trying to take one day ay a time but it's still very unreal and strange. It's nice of you that you want to help me feel better by answering my text, but you shouldn't feel stressed to answer quickly or before you're ready to do it. It's important we both take the time we need. We'll take this one day at a time. I feel just like you - everything is very strange and scary. I don't know if I'm ready to meet just yet but it's a good idea to speak on Skype first. I don't know how to tell you this but during Christmas I've been thinking about starting a new site. I miss that part in my life! It's important for me that you're the first to know. I also think we should consider doing a goodbye-post on our site where we thank our followers for everything and maybe include new contact-info. I'd love to be able to link to my new site. Hope that you understand" He's clearly no longer the person I once knew. I don't even know what to write back? I really want to have those questions answered on Skype but right now I'm reeling with rage! How can this amazing perfect boyfriend and best friend turn into this stranger? I'm so hurt and upset that I'm shaking! I feel so incredibly used! This is a person I loved and we were each others best friends for 10 whole years. Now he's acting like someone I'd never ever want to know! Can closure come from anger, or is it just me mixing love/hatred up? What do I reply?
WTRanger Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Firstly, who actually owns your website domain name? That's the person who can shut it down. If you to have an actual business contract, or legally established business in both of your names then you will need to dissolve that. Doing so, you can make him sign a non-compete form that states he can't do the same thing as you for 6 months, a year, etc. If it is all in his name, you are powerless. If it is all in your name, you need to take control of it. Since business is at stake, not responding is not an option.
Author Jen1981 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 Firstly, who actually owns your website domain name? That's the person who can shut it down. If you to have an actual business contract, or legally established business in both of your names then you will need to dissolve that. Doing so, you can make him sign a non-compete form that states he can't do the same thing as you for 6 months, a year, etc. If it is all in his name, you are powerless. If it is all in your name, you need to take control of it. Since business is at stake, not responding is not an option. Well unfourtenetly he owns the domain and we don't have a legal contract since we never thought we'd stop running it together no matter what happened! I'm kicking myself now. Well I guess I've just learnt a very valuble lesson. Never trust another human being! It's ok writing how disappointed I am isn't it? I want to express that I feel we should decide together!
WTRanger Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 You can write how disappointed you are, but legally there isn't anything you can do. Next time remember, it's not personal it's just business. Even if it's with your mom, dad, bff, whatever, always when dealing with anything business related, get things in writing. It's grade school mentality to think that just because you with someone now, that partnership may not dissolve down the road. I guess, you can look at this in a different way. At least he told you about his plans. If he were truly evil, he'd have shut the site down and put a new link up without you even knowing it.
Author Jen1981 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 You can write how disappointed you are, but legally there isn't anything you can do. Next time remember, it's not personal it's just business. Even if it's with your mom, dad, bff, whatever, always when dealing with anything business related, get things in writing. It's grade school mentality to think that just because you with someone now, that partnership may not dissolve down the road. I guess, you can look at this in a different way. At least he told you about his plans. If he were truly evil, he'd have shut the site down and put a new link up without you even knowing it. I've learnt my lesson and at least now I kind of know why he broke up in a mail and why he's avoided me like the plague ever since. I feel truly screwed over! Would still like to have the answers to why he broke up though (he never really told me). I'be been incredibly restricted during this whole break-up.... I respected his wish for NC from day 1 and I haven't even been able to say that I'm hurt or disappointed. I wrote him a hundred letters....angry, sad, loving but I always refrained from sending them because I knew I could possibly regret something down the line. Now I'm just dying to tell him how I feel but my mind is reeling....I was disappointed that he broke up in an e-mail after 10 years together but managed to control my anger. This is just another example of him turning into a stranger.
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