ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months. He has been wonderul to me. I'm 29 and have been dating casually for 4 years and have been looking for a guy like him for a long time. I realized the other day that I'am in love. We are both from different cultures. I was born and raised in the US. He is Japanese and has lived in different countries. He isn't as conservative as someone that may have grown up strictly in Japan, but he is still different from American men I have dated. He moved to the US 4 years ago to work as an engineer. He is successful and very intelligent. At times I feel a little intimidated by his intelligence but its also one of the things I like most about him. I'm currently working part time and in school for nursing. Things have been a little tough financially for me since I had to cut work hours for school. I have never asked him for a dime. Just the other day he told me if I ever need any kind of financial help he would happily help. I have never had someone offer such generousity to me. He took me away for a wonderful long weekend for new years. And a month ago gave me a key to his apartment. So his actions show he at the very least cares for me, but I don't know about love. I have learned its usually best to let the man say it first. And he is the kind of guy that shows how he feels rather than says. But it is important for me that those 3 words are said. I grew up with parents who say that everyday to one another. So I guess my question is-should I wait for him to say "I love you" first?
SmileFace Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Aww thats so sweet. I wish all the best for you two. It is actaully nice reading something and just wanting something to work out between two people. I say if you feel it now. Why not say it? Just because you feel love now doesn't mean he has too. Which I hope you understand but I think it is a good thing to share your feelings.
810 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 So his actions show he at the very least cares for me, but I don't know about love. I have learned its usually best to let the man say it first. And he is the kind of guy that shows how he feels rather than says. But it is important for me that those 3 words are said. I grew up with parents who say that everyday to one another. So I guess my question is-should I wait for him to say "I love you" first? I have a question: do you expect he would say it back to you? I don't see any harms by saying or showing how you feel as long as you don't expect anything in return. From personal experience, I can say that if an Asian guy hands you the key to his apartment, it means he's committed and loves you.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 So I guess my question is-should I wait for him to say "I love you" first? Yes, let him say it first, but I think that based on his actions he already loves you. So whether he says it or not doesn't really matter.
Mad Max Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 If you truly mean it, then say it. Waiting for him to say it first is just mental manipulation IMO.
Author ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 I have a question: do you expect he would say it back to you? I don't see any harms by saying or showing how you feel as long as you don't expect anything in return. From personal experience, I can say that if an Asian guy hands you the key to his apartment, it means he's committed and loves you. I would like for him to say it but only if he meant it. While it may sting that he doesn't feel it for me yet, it wouldn't be the end of the world.
Author ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 If you truly mean it, then say it. Waiting for him to say it first is just mental manipulation IMO. I'm not trying to manipulate him. I just feel a little more secure if he said it first, judging from past experience with men.
Mad Max Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I'm not trying to manipulate him. I just feel a little more secure if he said it first, judging from past experience with men. If he truly loves you, you saying it first won't harm your relationship in any way. In your past experience, they guy didn't truly love you. That's why it didn't work out.
Author ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 If he truly loves you, you saying it first won't harm your relationship in any way. In your past experience, they guy didn't truly love you. That's why it didn't work out. We had a conversation in the first few weeks of dating about past relationships. I told him I came from a family that is very open about feelings and my parents always say "I love you" to each other and their children, daily. He told me his family was just the opposite and didn't vocalize it. He said he told his ex-girlfriend of 2 years "I love you" maybe twice, because he felt it was just understood that he loved her. I was surprised but I understand we are also from different cultures. But I also explained that it is nice to hear once and awhile.
810 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I would like for him to say it but only if he meant it. While it may sting that he doesn't feel it for me yet, it wouldn't be the end of the world. i suggest you can ask him: "if I tell you "You're a great guy and that I love you", would you say it back?" if he says yes, then tell him. If he asks why then explain your self. I agree with Mad Max, guys in your past probably didn't work out because they probably didn't truly love you.
810 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 We had a conversation in the first few weeks of dating about past relationships. I told him I came from a family that is very open about feelings and my parents always say "I love you" to each other and their children, daily. He told me his family was just the opposite and didn't vocalize it. He said he told his ex-girlfriend of 2 years "I love you" maybe twice, because he felt it was just understood that he loved her. I was surprised but I understand we are also from different cultures. But I also explained that it is nice to hear once and awhile. I'm the type who doesn't vocalize my feelings daily but it doesn't mean I don't feel it so I think I can somewhat relate to your bf. you're probably requiring something from him that he can't give as a routine...it will be a missing thing in your relationship. if saying "I love you" daily to you as a value needed and not value added then you might want to rethink about furthering your relationship with him.
Author ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 I'm the type who doesn't vocalize my feelings daily but it doesn't mean I don't feel it so I think I can somewhat relate to your bf. you're probably requiring something from him that he can't give as a routine...it will be a missing thing in your relationship. if saying "I love you" daily to you as a value needed and not value added then you might want to rethink about furthering your relationship with him. Oh I don't need to be told daily....now and again would be nice.
shayan Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) it really doesn't matter who says it first. You can say, he can say it, you can wait, he can wait, it doesn't mean your relationship won't progress. It doesn't even matter how often you say it, once a day, a month, a year, never. The most important thing is that you keep going forward and show your love and the love will come to fruition. Edited January 6, 2011 by shayan
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