I6cj7 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 So my girlfriend of a few months now had previously told me she has kissed other girls and been touchy feely but nothing all the way. Today she tells me on the phone she kind of has a crush on this girl she sees at work and that they have been flirty. Then asks if she could kiss or "play" with her... And flat out asked me, how much could she get away with....I really love my girlfriend but am not sure if I'm "in" love with her yet. I am confused and not sure how to feel about this. When I asked how all this would go... As in the other girl comes to my place or she goes to hers, she didn't to mind bringing her home and having me watch. But when I asked soooo does this mean all 3 of can "play" together she got bent out of shape real fast! And was extrememly mad at the idea of me messing around with the girl. I don't know what to do, I feel like no matter what I say I'm losing. Some days she flys off the handle like this at the drop of a hat. Others she tells me how much she loves and needs me and asks me to never leave her. But Other times like this... She's a damn brat and is being selfish in my opinion, I have zero interest inthis whole idea
Keridan Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Unless it's something you both agree to and are comfortable with, it's probably a very bad idea. She sounds like she's curious about her sexuality, which is fine, but she needs to work it out before she gets too committed here. Cheating is still cheating, no matter what gender the other person is. If you you are uncomfortable with it and say no, that's your right. If she's a brat about it and it's upsetting you, maybe it's time to get away from her before it gets worse. What you described does sound selfish.
PegNosePete Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 But when I asked soooo does this mean all 3 of can "play" together she got bent out of shape real fast! And was extrememly mad at the idea of me messing around with the girl. Major red flag dude. You're either in a monogamous relationship or you're in an open one. She can't expect to bang other people (M or F) if you're not allowed to. And the fact that she doesn't seem to understand this is a major problem.
creighton0123 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I wonder how she would respond if having to consider a reverse situation, where you wanted to be intimate with another man. You seem to want absolute monogamy. That's not an unreasonable request if your partner also expects absolute monogamy - your girlfriend doesn't seem to want that. If you say that you're not comfortable with it and want complete monogamy and she flies off the handle, perhaps it's time for you to bow out gracefully while she figures out who and what she wants.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 As you said, you're in a lose-lose situation, and she is probably going to do it anyway judging by the way she responded to you. She'll probably take any little thing you do that she doesn't like and use that as her excuse. You either need to break up with her altogether, or distance yourself and only use her for sex until you find someone else.
PegNosePete Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I wonder how she would respond if having to consider a reverse situation, where you wanted to be intimate with another man. Yes she probably would run a mile. But generally when asked that question, this kind of person will say "sure go ahead", because they know it's only hypothetical and never going to happen.
oaks Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Before you get told to run for the hills and don't look back, consider that at least she asked you. Now you can talk with her about it (again). Tell her what you want and why and how you feel about what she's asking. Try to find out what she wants (it sounds like you've got that bit already) and why, and how she feels about your point of view. If you can do that and you find that you have incompatible views then either one of you has to compromise and live by the rules/wishes of the other (and relationships are often about compromises, so this isn't automatically a bad thing, although introducing third parties to a relationship would be a pretty big thing to compromise on) or you split up (and that isn't automatically a bad thing either if two people aren't compatible).
Author I6cj7 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 I asked how she would feel about the whole reverse situation, as in me with a guy....no thanks! But She said she wouldn't have a problem with it... But I may try and work this angle to spark some jealousy in her like I'm having about her and some other girl. Example, tell her something like well what if the guys kisses better or gives much better oral than she does. She frequently is on a soapbox and thinks she's hot ****. And she's needs to be knocked off it occasionaly. I'll be revisiting this subject with shortly and will tell her how I feel, and then sprinkle in some of the above things to see how she reacts. Thankyou all for you honesty and insight. I look forward to hearing more, and I'll keep you posted.
oaks Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I asked how she would feel about the whole reverse situation, as in me with a guy....no thanks! But She said she wouldn't have a problem with it... But I may try and work this angle to spark some jealousy in her like I'm having about her and some other girl. Unless you're only talking about using that as an example to help her understand how you feel then only do that if you mean it. She'll call your bluff, and then accuse you of playing games.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I asked how she would feel about the whole reverse situation, as in me with a guy....no thanks! But She said she wouldn't have a problem with it... But I may try and work this angle to spark some jealousy in her like I'm having about her and some other girl. Example, tell her something like well what if the guys kisses better or gives much better oral than she does. She frequently is on a soapbox and thinks she's hot ****. And she's needs to be knocked off it occasionaly. I'll be revisiting this subject with shortly and will tell her how I feel, and then sprinkle in some of the above things to see how she reacts. Thankyou all for you honesty and insight. I look forward to hearing more, and I'll keep you posted. Hello, this is so unhealthy. Set a boundary. Either yes or no and you do or do not want to hear about her attractions. Shaming her or just trying to get a rise our of her is just going to piss you both off. Instead of being being so reactive, set up what you expect.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 The OP is a fool, and thinks he can actually win this game. What he doesn't get is that this relationship means a hell of lot more to him than it does to her, so she has all the freedom in the world because she knows he won't leave. I don't think you should bring the subject up with her at all anymore. Just start to distance yourself from her and look for other women until she makes you feel more comfortable/secure or you find someone you like better.
Author I6cj7 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 By no means am I naive, about any part the situation or her. In response to tomboy the girl posting about an oppurtunity for a 3...she made it clear it would only be her and the othet girl playing not me too...at least not with the other girl. From the beginning of the relationship I set 2 simple boundaries.. .I do not toleratr lying or cheating...and will not hesitate to end it from those things. The other problem is her birth control makes her libido near zero...which makes things difficult when she teases or flaunts herself but when I chase or follow thru she has no interest..off the pill though she's like a cat in heat
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I asked how she would feel about the whole reverse situation, as in me with a guy....no thanks! But She said she wouldn't have a problem with it... But I may try and work this angle to spark some jealousy in her like I'm having about her and some other girl. Example, tell her something like well what if the guys kisses better or gives much better oral than she does. She frequently is on a soapbox and thinks she's hot ****. And she's needs to be knocked off it occasionaly. I'll be revisiting this subject with shortly and will tell her how I feel, and then sprinkle in some of the above things to see how she reacts. Thankyou all for you honesty and insight. I look forward to hearing more, and I'll keep you posted. Serious? You have to throw out the idea of being gay to make her jealous? She will see right through that. Look... if she can have a female playmate, then why not you as well? She sounds like a jerk. Just tell her to choose you or someone else... not both.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Deal breaker for me. Game over. Perhaps I might still think of her as an FWB but I would not be willing to take on this big question mark as to where I fit in in her pecking order. She can go lap it up all she wants.
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