monkeynuts Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 right where to start.... I have been going out with this young women now fro around 3 months. We met on an online dating site, hit it off right away and fell for eachother very quickly. about a month ago she mentioned to me that she had missed her period and was worried she was pregnant. We waited just under two weeks and decided to do a test. (we always used protection but on a few occasions the condoms split) She also suffers from a condition which affects her kidneys. She has been on medication since she was 3 and every 3 months she needs a check up at her hospital where every time they ask her if she is trying to have children. Her mother said that when she was younger her doctor said it would be almost impossible for her to concieve a child as a result of the medication. Anyhow around comes the morning of her doing the test. It came back positive. we kind of both knew it but it was a total shock. As a result of the medication she is on for her own safety there is no way she can keep the child.. And also as a result of hte medication doctors dont know what possible side effects it could have on the unborn child. We both have talked about even if wouldnt affect her health we both arnt in a position to have a child as we are having a long distance relationship and both arnt finacially strong. we done the test a week before christmas, almost as soon as she had done the test she wanted me to go, said me being there would irritate her and she just needed some space. Ended up having a massive argument over the phone xmas eve...ruined christmas for us both and instead of seeing eachother boxing day we didnt see eachother until the 28th. When I was with her she didnt want any affection, didnt want any hugs, kisses or even holding hands whilst we were out walking the dogs. At night in bed she didnt want any contact either. It really started to affect me as she had always been so affectionate and I guess it was just a shock. As a result of us both being under stress we had stupid arguments, not all the time just like once a day and it was always over the most mudane thing. I had to go home for one day and it was the day she went to the hospital for her scan (she said she wanted to go with her mum anyway) they tried to scan but couldnt tell for sure if she was pregnant or whether she had miscarried. another appointment has been made for this friday. came home on monday night after leaving hers, yes things arnt what they used to be but they wouldnt be at the moment. She is so on edge, stressed out and Im just so unsure what to do. she accused me of cheating on her the monday night I went home, something about my actions with my mobile over the week were suspisous (she had been cheated on in the past) had a argument and then left it we would talk on the tuesday morning. ended up talking to her and she was like I dont know if I can be you know more, the arguing is to much and I dont need it. she said she doesnt want to see me incase I argue with her. this has been going on since tuesday. Spoke to her on the phone today and talked about meeting up yet again but she was adament she didnt want ot see me. left it that when hse wants to meet up to let me know. Im finding it really hard as the distance is about 1.40 hour drive away it doesnt feel asthough Im there for her. Ive tried to support her the best I can, and how I see fit but it just doesnt seem to count for anything. It feels **** to be told by my gf that she doesnt want to see me, that she doesnt want ot be near me. hell Im not trying to be selfish here but its totally messing up my head. Im not sleeping or eating right. Im so worried about her its unreal. we are in contact but she just seems down all the time. she met up with her friend hte other day for lunch which seemed to cheer her up abit. she constantly telling me shes feeling unwell. Im just at a loss of what to do. She knows im here for her as Ive told her plenty of times. that Im just a phone call away. I doubt anyone else has been in this situation before but Im so confused Ive resulted in a website forum for advice. friends and family say just give her space but its so hard. To see how she is and not be able to do anything is crap. I know we had stupid arguments over the week we spent together which yes she and I didnt need. but the stress is so high were both on a knifes edge and the smallest things had made us both snap. I feel so guilty for arguing with her, she doesnt need it and I feel like a totally useless boyfriend. meen I must be as she doesnt want to see me as she is so wound up. her heads a mess and I havent helped things at all. I love this girl, and she loves me- Im just not sure of what to do at the moment. someone, anyone give me some input
Hazel_eyes Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I've never been in this situation, so I am just trying to put myself in her shoes. I bet it's not necessarily just you, but the entire situation that has her feeling overwhelmed and therefore more on edge. People handle stress in different ways. Some people become very reclusive as they figure out how to cope. I know that you are worried about her, a good boyfriend would be , but please take some comfort in the fact that it sounds like her friends and family are also taking good care of her. The arguing definitely isn't going to help. I can't blame you, you are under a considerable amount of stress as well. Some might disagree with me, but this is what I would do if I were you. When I was dating my husband he did this for me when he went away on a long trip and it made my world. I would see if I could get a family member or friend to help me with with this. Plan out a "week of gifts" so to speak. Things that make you think of her. Then have your accomplice plant one gift in an obvious spot a day for a week. Somethings my boyfriend did was like he got cherry lip gloss. When I got up in the morning inside my makeup bag was the lip gloss with a big bow and a note that said, "This reminded me of your sweet lips and I had to get it for you. I love your kisses and cherish every one." I got a shirt that I found laid out on my bed with a note that said, "Have I ever told you how stunning you are in this color." It wasn't all expensive things, but small things that had a note telling me how they make him think of me. At the end of the week I had a bouquet of flowers waiting for me with a note about how special I was to him. They weren't the most poetic notes, but I have saved every single one and they whole thing made me feel so incredibly special and spoiled. Perhaps something like this could help. It would be a way of letting your girlfriend know that you truly care without you necessarily being around. Right now she is probably having a hard time seeing the relationship outside of its current problem. This could be a way to remind her of how special SHE is to you, how you feel about who she is and why you have wanted to be with her. Go into it not expecting a response, worst case scenario nothing has changed other then her having no doubt that you do indeed care, and best case scenario she will feel treasured and loved and feel comforted by you and seek you out instead of stressed by the problems currently in the relationship. I've also found that when things are tense with my husband when I pour all of my energies and thoughts into trying to figure out how to make him feel special that he feels better, I feel better, and it opens us up later on to communication and both of us feeling more receptive to what the other person has to say. I hope this helps in some way. I'm sorry that you guys have to go through this.
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