Truane71 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 So long story short, my ex and I were dating for 11 months. It was for the most part fantastic. The plan was to move out to Colorado together today. A few months ago, she started acting differently. I got the impression she thought I was not going to allow her to do what she wanted to do in life. We had taken a vacation to South Carolina to meet with her cousins and her aunt/uncle, and when we got home, she broke up with me. "love you but not in love with me," telling me she has to do this on her own and we spend too much time together. To be honest I had kind of seen it coming. She had been acting differently towards me, like anything I did I did the wrong way. I didn't understand why she was acting like this, I used to be perfect in her eyes. I guess I put too much pressure on the relationship, and that's when she ended it. So, I did some things I regret, begged her back once, but after a few days I gave her what she asked for, some space. I went NC for a few weeks, we only talked on holidays, and it was only to wish each other happy thanksgiving, x-mas. We have pretty much all mutual friends so complete NC isn't really possible. I saw her out a few times, and we had limited, light conversation. A few of those times her family and some of her best friends were out as well. They all loved me during the relationship and even came up to me initiating conversation. She had invited me to a going away party that was about a week ago. We were on good terms so I went with a bunch of my friends. Turns out alot of her other friends decided not to come, so she was glad I brought some people she knew. We talked a bit, and it was nice. Joked around a bit, and kept it light. She introduced me to a woman she used to work for. The woman told me she had heard many good things about me from my ex. We all talked for a bit, and then it was time to leave so I hugged my ex goodbye and told her good luck in Colorado, as I thought I would not see her again. She told me a few times that she would see me before she left, so I told her to let me know. Well a few days go by, and we do not talk. I'm at work one day, and I get a call from her best friend (didn;t have the number in my cell so I picked it up), whose bf lives across the street from me. She asked me if when I got home could I take a look at her car because it wasn't running and also invited me to a surprise party for her bf later that afternoon. I agree to both, and when I got off work I walked over to his house and took a look at her car. So I show up for the party, which is at my ex's sister and her bf's house, and first person I see in the kitchen is my ex. She greets me warmly and gives me a hug. Honestly, I would have to be an idiot not to expect her to be here, but I still thought it strange that her best friend invited me to a small (literally there was only about 6 of us there) gathering that my ex would be at. I thought whatever, just enjoy yourself, you're here for someone's birthday, not your ex. So the night goes along, and we all have a pretty good time just watching the football games, eating pizza, and drinking a few beers. My ex and I talk a bit, but not much, everyone was kind of talking together in a group. It comes time to leave, and I say goodbye to my ex and her friend. Here's where I screw up. Arriving home, I realize that was probably the last time I would see my ex, and I barely said anything to her regarding her move. So I text her, "It was nice seeing you tonight. If I don;t see you before you leave I just wanted to wish you good luck. I know how much this means to you and I hope everything in Colorado works out great." She responds 5 mins later with "Thank you, I really appreciate it. Best of luck to you too with your job hunt!(I have a job just looking for a new one)". Now Like an idiot, I couldn't just leave it. About 20 minutes later I send her another text "Thank you...I don't know if you care anymore but i really hope you're happy, you deserve to be. Thanks for making the last year a great one for me. Hopefully the next time we speak, you will be a full fledged yoga master (she is studying to be a yoga teacher out in Colorado). Take care if yourself K." No response. An hour later she changes her FB status to "3 and a half days til touch down. Hallelujah!". I feel like such an ass for that last text. If only I had just stopped after the first or even just said goodbye and good luck after the party, I would feel fine, but she probably see's me as some needy, clingy tool now, after I had done so much to get myself back and could tell she had alot of respect for me and how I handled the break-up. I think I may have misperceived some things over the past few weeks. For one, her friends have all been SUPER nice and understanding to me. Anything I saw them, they would come up to me and talk to me! I never talked about the relationship with them, but just had nice conversation. As I said, her friends and family all adored me. Why would her best friend invite me to a small party she would be at when we had talked only briefly. Since the break-up our contact has been very limited and besides the first time we saw each other where she got mad at me because she thought I was ignoring her all night (I wasn't, I was having fun with my friends. I talked to her and calmed down and later that night got a text apologizing), all of our interactions had gone well. I just feel like the last perception of me is that damn text I sent. Now instead of someone who went out, picked himself up, and had respect for himself, she probably thinks I'm the biggest loser in the world. She left this morning, and I don;t know if/when she will be back, so it's probably a moot point anyways. I don't plan on contacting her at all, and I don;t expect to hear from her at least for awhile. How much did I screw myself? I don't expect reconcilliation, at least not right now, but it would be nice to know she views me in a favorable light.
DustySaltus Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Everyone has their slip ups. There's no reason to be hard on yourself. She's the one who decided that she didn't want to be with you anymore. I think that the party had a lot to with your mutual friends and ex trying to transition you into the "friend zone", with your ex. But I think you know that's impossible at this point. She was withdrawing for a while. Instead of working out the issues in your relationship, she quit on it. Delete her from FB for your own sanity. You will find yourself checking it every single day to see where she is in her life on that day. It will drive you crazy. Never think that a picture or a status update of someone online is a real idea of what's going on in their life at the moment. It's all a facade. What you need to do is begin the healing process for yourself. Read Caliguy's link in my signature, it's a good tool for your healing.
Author Truane71 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 I know, and I do agree. Even if she did want to reconcile, I don;t want a LDR or to move to Colorado anymore, so it wouldn't happen anyway. As far as working on myself, I have been up until this point. I've been going to the gym and running almost everyday, seeing my friends lots more than I did when we were going out, and I'm even going snowboarding with an old college buddy tomorrow. I have absolutely been keeping myself occupied. I'm not the type to sit around and mope when things don;t go my way. Up until this past week, I felt like myself again. I feel like now I've gone and undone that. Guess all there is to do is keep movin' along and doing what I have been. Anyways I do wish her the best. We had a great relationship, and while she ended it I sincerely want her to be happy. I hope she sees the text as that rather than one last ditch effort to win her back. Maybe some day we can be together again but I'm not going to put my life on hold for someone 1000 miles away.
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