Magik Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) I am lost… I am desperately looking for advise and opinions in regards to my relationship. The background story, I meet this women in my mid 30`s and fell deeply in love with her. She had just separated from a 14 year old relationship and had a 7 year old daughter. We were so in love we moved in together after 6 month`s and everything was great for the first 2 years. Her daughter took some time to accept me but that was fine, I did everything for that little girl and she now looks at me as a 2nd father. After 2 years of being with her, started to realise that a drinking problem was present with her. We started getting in more fights and most did not make any sense. After 5 years of living together, we decided that separate homes was a possible solution to all the bickering and arguments, her drinking was also daily at this point. When I first moved out, I did not accept my fate and was frustrated to the point of not seeing her and ignoring her. She kept saying I was hurting her and in a way I was. I was a real a..hole at this point not accepting my fate, the situation, the moving apart and the feeling of not making my relationship with the women I love work. I started telling her that we were single since if we no longer lived together and now only seeing her only once in a while was not enough for me. I was hoping for a response from her, an act of love, her coming to me and telling me she could not live without me just as I could not without her. I made a mistake.. Her drinking got worse and she went all crazy with all types of things. She went on a shopping spree that never ended, she kept changing everything in the house nonstop and so on... We kept seeing each other and sleeping with each other without talking about being together since speaking of our relationship always ended in finger pointing and arguments. We were seeing each other but not together, we decided to make a pack that if we started to see someone else we would tell each other since both of us agreed that would not be fair for the other. She was still drinking daily .. After 2 years of being separated, we started getting serious again and seeing each other daily and sleeping with each other daily again. This was great! But we never said we were back together, just together every day. This is where I lost my mind, she called me up on a Wednesday to advise me that she had a 5-7 on that Friday for business and could not see me that Friday since would be to tired after the week she had. I had always trusted her and never doubted her in my life so said no problem, have a great 5-7.... We agreed to spend the following days together, went over for super the following day (Saturday) and she was a little off, weird and almost drunk already. I went in the bedroom for some reason and it smelled like sex, the bed was not made, it smelled like another man and found a hair on one of the pillows that did not belong to me or her. I got upset and left. I went back the following day to confront her, she denied everything... I wanted to know what she did on Friday and she kept telling different stories without admitting to anything. We did not see each other for a couple of weeks and then she invited my over for super to talk and set things straight. The Bad news.... She came out and told me that she had a one night stand with another man that night, sz she was only suppose to have drinks and ended up going home with him to his place and not to our home said that nothing happened at our place. She was crying and told me that she was drunk and did not know why she did it. I went nuts... I was hurt betrayed and completely dazed. I was asking her to give me all the details and she refused saying that it did not matter and it would only hurt me. I became distant, cold and more of an a..hole at this point. After 3 weeks of arguing with her, went over to pick up the rest of my things in my nightstand and found printed emails depicting a long sexual relationship with yet another man for the last 1.5 years hiding in my clothing. I went nuts, I went on a drinking binge and spent the next 2 months drunk. She called me after 2 months and offered to spend a long weekend at one of our romantic cabins in the woods to discuss and talk. The love sucker that I am, I went... She explained her 1.5 year relationship with a married man as a need for attention and never really intended to sleep with him, it started as teasing and dares, they got together got drunk and started sleeping with each other. She told me that she was never straight when she did this and that it was due to the fact that I was not giving her the attention. I decided to give her a 2nd chance since still am madly in love with her after 7 years going on 8. Now for more bad news... After being back with her, still living at different homes. Nothing got better. Still arguing, she was still drinking every day ,found out by snooping a bit since her stories did not make any sense that her 1 night stand was indeed a 1 night strand a year previously and that she had slept with him 6 to 8 times since she can’t remember correctly due to alcohol... not only that but she has also went back and slept with her Ex, the father of her daughter whom I thought to be a friend after all these years. She also confessed to 2 more 1 nighters in the 2 years we were not together due to alcohol on new year’s day.... So, she has slept with 5 other men including the Ex that come over every week... I am madly in love with this women but am deeply hurt. I am a very attractive man, very loving and very Faithfull. I am at the end of my rope. She broke down in a panic and went to the AA, she has stopped drinking now for 4 days. I went to Al Annon meetings. She is an alcoholic. I love her but no longer trust her, believe her or anything.... I’m living in a daze, I m not here, I do not know what to do anymore. I will never be able to forgive her... Im lost.... Please help! I need Help! Edited January 6, 2011 by Magik
Keridan Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I'm sorry you are going through this! It sounds like an incredibly painful situation. It must also be confusing for you. The answer is pretty straightforward, though. You need to get away from this woman. You have put up with way too much and it's hard to imagine someone who has had several affairs and is still battling an alcohol addiction is going to straighten out any time soon. Even if she does, can you trust her again? I would honestly suggest no contact at all if it weren't for the daughter you obviously care about. Can you possibly just be there for the daughter and not see her mother? You need to be as far from the mom as possible. This woman sounds toxic to you. I really hope you get away from her for your sake and hers. I'm sorry for the tough situation you are in. I really do wish you the best!
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