dreamingoftigers Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 It's true dammit! That's why I have never been in love:rolleyes: Canada is a winter wonderland for 8 months of the year and I met all of my boyfriends in January!
Emilia Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 in the beginning of the relationship it's true yes. then it deepens into a different kind of love over the years.
Author bonerman Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 in the beginning of the relationship it's true yes. then it deepens into a different kind of love over the years. I thought so. I was just wondering because I went on like 2 dates with one girl and I never really got butterflies or that lovey feeling. I was just wondering if it had potential without that because this girl did have a pretty big crush on me and I don't want to throw my happiness away.
carhill Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I've had the bonding experience only a couple times in my life and, contrary to what apparently is the norm, an incredible peace comes over me, almost a sublime serenity, with no nervousness, awkwardness, or anxiety at all. I look in her eyes and there is quiet understanding. The most signficant of these experiences spanned 25 years and another, more briefly, for a decade with my exW. I recently had a third such experience, which was a nice reminder that I ain't dead yet Apparently, for others, this is not the case, hence the difficulties I've experienced in the romance department. Carry on
OceanGirl Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 True. I refuse to date anyone if I am not feeling butterflies at the very thought of them.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 True or false? I have not had butterflies since I was a teen. If you need butterflies to feel like your in love... grow up!
Jazzari Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I think it depends on what stage of love you're in. It's normal to have that shot of adrenaline in the early stages. But I don't think butterflies = love. That being said, I've never been in love where I didn't get them.
zengirl Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 No, to me, butterflies can be associated with initial attraction, but not love. I get them in the beginning with guys I really like, but I see the 'butterflies' as more my own damn nervousness about how much I like the guy and how much I don't know what he's feeling! I've had the bonding experience only a couple times in my life and, contrary to what apparently is the norm, an incredible peace comes over me, almost a sublime serenity, with no nervousness, awkwardness, or anxiety at all. I look in her eyes and there is quiet understanding. The most signficant of these experiences spanned 25 years and another, more briefly, for a decade with my exW. I recently had a third such experience, which was a nice reminder that I ain't dead yet Apparently, for others, this is not the case, hence the difficulties I've experienced in the romance department. Carry on I consider love to be a feeling akin to what you're describing. For me, love is very peaceful. There's still some excitement to it---because it's such a wonderful feeling, but it's a very quiet excitement. For me, at least.
carhill Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Here's a journal I did on the subject of 'butterflies'. While the verbiage might be ambiguous, I wanted to clarify that it was never a 'nervous' feeling. From another journal, here's an example of what I was talking about in my prior post: My next significant experience is one which is still with me today, in reality, as I type this. I am currently visiting this person and her children a country away from where we both live. Today is "zoo" day, a first for her only granddaughter. Anyway, back in time.... I was 25, my dad had just died of cancer a few months prior, and I was starting to get my work and personal legs back. At the time, I was working at a machine shop and had purchased my first home about a year prior. In all ways, just a normal day in a usual life for me. One of our customers called and said they were sending over a job for me to look at and gave me the name of the parts person who would be bringing it. I was working away at a lathe and happened to look up as someone walked through the shop door. What happened next was what would become a unique and defining experience for me. When our eyes first met, I saw this sort of glow around her and the room slowly began to rotate (in my mind, of course) and about all I could choke out was "you're XXX" and, strangely, that was all I heard from her. We just kind of stared at each other, something we still do to this day, and events beyond that became sort of cloudy to remember.
EasyHeart Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Completely, totally, and utterly false. You're confusing infatuation with love. I'll even go so far as to say that most dating and relationship problems would disappear overnight if people purged this ridiculous meme from their brains.
SmileFace Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 It's true dammit! That's why I have never been in love:rolleyes: Canada is a winter wonderland for 8 months of the year and I met all of my boyfriends in January! :lmao: I usually feel butterflies before a big test or walking in the wrong side of town. I don't think I like butterflies.
carhill Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 OK, using the parameter that butterflies (nervousness, for lack of a better description) are not indicative of love but rather infatuation, is it reasonable or customary for this to occur only upon first contact? If so, is that a determinant as to whether a person will accept romantic advances from another? Is it the sole determinant? What I'm curious about is this propensity, for women especially, to immediately determine that a man is *never* going to inspire attraction/infatuation/butterflies in them within the first few seconds of meeting. It has been a common occurrence in my life. 'I don't feel *that* way about you' is a typical example of the verbiage, and this nearly immediately. Is that initial infatuation moment necessary for love to develop and can it only happen at that moment and, if not, is lost forever? My prior *assumption* that this is accurate has caused me to become skeptical of women 'coming on' to me after being 'friends' for many months or years, presuming they are just using me for an ego feed or to make someone else jealous. Such incidents are usually situational in nature. The next time it happens, I'll ask directly. This thread has been an impetus to some further thought on the subject.
laRubiaBonita Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 i say false. i have gotten butterflies with guys i did not love, but i liked... and i have gotten butterflies and not gotten butterflies with guys i have loved.
810 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 True or false? For me, it's a false statement. There's only one time in my life which I felt butterflies and that was with the last guy whom I hung out with last year. For the one I was utterly, completely, absolutely in love with and loved and cared for most, I had this calm and warm feeling. They both felt natural and nice. Gosh, I miss the feeling of falling and being in love.
ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 True or false? False! I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months and I have just realized I'm in love and I don't feel butterflies. I think the mentality of butterflies=love is for the young, and immature. I think that feeling is often caused by excitement, uncertainty and nervousness, not love.
Knittress Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I think the butterflies are more about YOU and the thoughts and anxieties that are running through YOUR head. I don't think it means much about how better or worse you7 partner is, or is even comparable to yourself in other relationships and mental states. I second that feeling of 'peace' though. The feeling of kissing a near-stranger and feeling absolutely and utterly safe with them. I wasn't even wholly attracted to them at that point, or know if things would work out in the end, but I realized it would be a special relationship...
melodymatters Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I think the issue is that " feeling butterflies" is SO subjective ! For some it's a nervous feeling for others, euphoria. I will agree that: Butterflies are always present in infatuation, but hopefully by the time love has evolved it's less " can't eat, can't sleep" and more "Can't wait for Joe to get home"...because I like him, I love him, he's my best friend, he understands me, and I CAN'T wait to tell him XYZ. Also, that if I didn't feel that....ZING!.... there could be warm friendship but not enough for me to pledge my heart and time. If I did, I would always worry that I would feel that ZING with someone else and then feel like I settled. NOT FAIR to anyone in that scenario. We all have different emotional roadmaps, but since the OP is asking about feeling excited after three dates, yeah, if I was the chick, I would sure hope he was feeling that, and if not I would rather he went on his way so I could find someone who did zing with me. No harm no foul. At 43, my butterflies have all been different and been tempered by time and circumstance, but feeling : "gee, he's nice, and he's smart and funny, and I enjoy talking to him" WITHOUT feeling like " I want to kiss this man" has just never worked out. It's got to START with the zing, but it NEVER ends there. Two men I had " across a crowded room our eyes met" moments with went on to become good friends, but we were NOT compatible for a long term R. So, in summation : Starting with butterflies is highly reccomended, but what you build from there is whats all important. Good luck !!!!
sunshinegirl Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 OK, using the parameter that butterflies (nervousness, for lack of a better description) are not indicative of love but rather infatuation, is it reasonable or customary for this to occur only upon first contact? If so, is that a determinant as to whether a person will accept romantic advances from another? Is it the sole determinant? What I'm curious about is this propensity, for women especially, to immediately determine that a man is *never* going to inspire attraction/infatuation/butterflies in them within the first few seconds of meeting. It has been a common occurrence in my life. 'I don't feel *that* way about you' is a typical example of the verbiage, and this nearly immediately. Is that initial infatuation moment necessary for love to develop and can it only happen at that moment and, if not, is lost forever? My prior *assumption* that this is accurate has caused me to become skeptical of women 'coming on' to me after being 'friends' for many months or years, presuming they are just using me for an ego feed or to make someone else jealous. Such incidents are usually situational in nature. The next time it happens, I'll ask directly. This thread has been an impetus to some further thought on the subject. Carhill, I am probably an exception to the rule. When I met my husband, upon first contact I felt no butterflies/zing/spark. Only after we had spent more time together, platonically, and after I worked through some other personal issues, did I realize how great he was... and the zing/spark grew from there. First contact to full-blown dating took over four months. So who knows about your women friends coming on to you, but I know that I am a bona fide example of a woman friend-zoning a man early on, only to later de-friend-zone him...and marry him!
zengirl Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 OK, using the parameter that butterflies (nervousness, for lack of a better description) are not indicative of love but rather infatuation, is it reasonable or customary for this to occur only upon first contact? If so, is that a determinant as to whether a person will accept romantic advances from another? Is it the sole determinant? What I'm curious about is this propensity, for women especially, to immediately determine that a man is *never* going to inspire attraction/infatuation/butterflies in them within the first few seconds of meeting. It has been a common occurrence in my life. 'I don't feel *that* way about you' is a typical example of the verbiage, and this nearly immediately. Is that initial infatuation moment necessary for love to develop and can it only happen at that moment and, if not, is lost forever? My prior *assumption* that this is accurate has caused me to become skeptical of women 'coming on' to me after being 'friends' for many months or years, presuming they are just using me for an ego feed or to make someone else jealous. Such incidents are usually situational in nature. The next time it happens, I'll ask directly. This thread has been an impetus to some further thought on the subject. I've fallen in love with someone who never gave me butterflies. We'd known each other five years before we dated, so I knew him already, and didn't get the butterflies----the nervous/excited feeling. I just felt happy! I do think you have to be attracted to someone, but to me, those butterflies aren't attraction. I couldn't even have good sex with butterflies in my stomach. To me, attraction is more like a wonderful laugh. I just feel all smiley and snuggly and happy. And then it, hopefully, evolves to that blissful serenity of love. I think the issue is that " feeling butterflies" is SO subjective ! For some it's a nervous feeling for others, euphoria. I will agree that: Butterflies are always present in infatuation, but hopefully by the time love has evolved it's less " can't eat, can't sleep" and more "Can't wait for Joe to get home"...because I like him, I love him, he's my best friend, he understands me, and I CAN'T wait to tell him XYZ. Also, that if I didn't feel that....ZING!.... there could be warm friendship but not enough for me to pledge my heart and time. If I did, I would always worry that I would feel that ZING with someone else and then feel like I settled. NOT FAIR to anyone in that scenario. We all have different emotional roadmaps, but since the OP is asking about feeling excited after three dates, yeah, if I was the chick, I would sure hope he was feeling that, and if not I would rather he went on his way so I could find someone who did zing with me. No harm no foul. At 43, my butterflies have all been different and been tempered by time and circumstance, but feeling : "gee, he's nice, and he's smart and funny, and I enjoy talking to him" WITHOUT feeling like " I want to kiss this man" has just never worked out. It's got to START with the zing, but it NEVER ends there. Two men I had " across a crowded room our eyes met" moments with went on to become good friends, but we were NOT compatible for a long term R. So, in summation : Starting with butterflies is highly reccomended, but what you build from there is whats all important. Good luck !!!! I have never had luck in a relationship that started with the "Can't eat, can't sleep" thing, but to each their own, of course. "I want to kiss this man!" of course, but any man that makes me insecure (beyond a normal first time thing, which is mostly my own brain, and generally I seek men that help me to overcome my own brain in that instance and make me feel secure instead) isn't the guy for me. Any man who I feel like I can't eat or sleep because he's not around and I can't stand it. . . well, he'd be making me less than I am, not more. That seems like an unhappy place for me. I'm not judging anyone else. Just providing a counter-point. What works for everyone is different.
40 Fonzarelli Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Butterflies = nervousness. And nothing more
Recommended Posts