SunsetRed Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 In any state in the US, one can get a divorce even if the other person contests it. The difference between states would be how long the waiting periods and paperwork process takes, but the divorce could definetly be accomplised within 2 years, if not one. I agree, when there are excuses for why a divorce isn't happening, someone is lying. As for the arrangement where our exes would live separate lives in the same house as their wife and "pay the bills" while they dated us, that just wouldn't work. That would suck our dignity dry to have a man act like a husband and actually be a husband to someone else and then come have sex with us when they can "get away from" the responsibilities that their "evil wife" puts on them. We deserve better. But I'm like you Bamboo, I think I may end up alone. I've had so many relationships where I supposedly dodged a bullet by having it be over. But I keep seeing all these happy couples who aren't dodging bullets and I wonder when is that gonna be me?
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 If a person's economic troubles are manifesting in "starvation" and electricity being turned off ... I don't think returning to the marital home will be sufficient to fix them. How could your LDR function at all if the man was living in abject poverty? A lot of travel had to be involved ... I hope you can find your way to move on fairly quickly. This all sounds like it was ill fated from the beginning. I'm sorry.
Ellin Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 well I got screwed then in my divorce... I got all the debt, I paid for the divorce, got no alimony and accepted 1/2 the state guidelines in C/S. I packed 1/2 of our belongings for him - from silverware to furniture - he didn't pay for any of our son's "extra's" like most divorces (medical, school fees, dental, etc). I walked away dirt poor but FREE - money can be made again, bills get paid, but I got to be FREE OF HIM!!! . So he was the bad guy and you, ended up paying for everything? Gosh, how unfair. It sounds like he was an awful husband, so how did he manage to present himself in such a favorable light in the court? A good manipulator?
fooled once Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 1) To get the status of his D, go online to his county's court website. Google the name of his city and you will be able to find the county that city is located. Then google for that <<county name>> court clerk. Look for civil or family court records (they are public and FREE). Search for his name. It should pop up. If not, get the phone number for the clerk and call and ask. They will gladly tell you what they find. 2) ok 3) Incorrect. Google <<his state>> and "contested divorce". It does take longer but, depending on circumstance, its virtually IMPOSSIBLE to stop. And living apart for three years and his engagement to you is PLENTY of reasons for a judge to grant the D w/o the W's approval. You cannot force someone to remain M to anyone. He is NOT honest here. I virtually promise it. 4) You are a secret still? Why? An A has ZERO impact on a D...especially since custody is NOT an issue here. 5) 100.00 broke the bank? That seems steep for an increase...but I live in Texas where rents/housing is cheap. In any case, on a percentage of income basis, that should be negligible. Landlords don't want to drive away tenants. 6) ok, you went to him. On a tourist visa no doubt. Did he ever go to you? Why didn;t he stay? He can literally rebuild from scratch with ZERO credit implications. 7) They hugged him back? Bullshyte. He's gone for THREE years and they hate him that entire time then poof, they hug him back? Nope. 8) Point one on how to look it up online. 9) I promise so. 10) Now YOU'RE not being honest. You are STILL having an A by secretly being in contact. Nope...you don;t have the whole truth. The only person who does is the MM and they have a vested interest in NOT giving that out. Just go NC and walk. He has all kinds of issues and YOU (or anyone really) can help him. And thanks for understanding my style...blunt, sometimes harsh, but I'm on YOUR side. jwl, not every county has their divorce filings on line. I know the county next to mine in my state does NOT --- but you can go to the courthouse and ask to see it; they just do not put it online. I don't get it. How do people already in debts get out of a marriage? A friend of mine who went through a divorce told me, she just did what she could to get out, gave him everything. She still suffers from it financially, but only wishes she'd done it sooner. How does one get out of a contested divorce when the other will not comply? PS Im glad it's helping you, too. What do you mean how do they get out of a marriage? Most marriages have debt - usually it is divided equally or proportionally. My H, when he got divorced, split the debt with his ex 75% him; 25% her. I ended up taking ALL the debt from my marriage (to the tune of $15,000). It is what it is. You pay it back monthly - you work hard, two jobs if necessary, and pay the bills. Like someone pointed out, a contested divorce can only be 'held up' for so long before it is granted. If he was going for a no fault divorce, at most is should have taken 2 years - at MOST. Many states require that married couples with children be separated a year prior to a divorce being granted (this was how my situation was). My ex wasn't happy with the divorce and didn't want it, but he signed the papers at the end of the 12 month waiting period because the marriage was OVER and I was done. So he was the bad guy and you, ended up paying for everything? Gosh, how unfair. It sounds like he was an awful husband, so how did he manage to present himself in such a favorable light in the court? A good manipulator? Yes, he was the bad guy, in my eyes, in our mutual friends eyes..even in his OWN eyes as he admits to the physical violence and the alcoholism. Present himself in court? He didn't go to court - he didn't even have a lawyer. I was MORE THAN fair in everything in our divorce. He stated he trusted me not to screw him over and I didn't. I took all the debt because I know if I didn't, he would have dragged his feet even MORE than he did and I wanted to NOT be married to him anymore. I did what I needed to do to be free of him. Took me MANY MANY years to get back on my feet financially but it was worth it to me to have the marriage over. The OP talks about this MM 'starving' and I call baloney. I lost a ton of weight (and I have never been overweight) during my 'single' years because I had enough money to feed 1 person - my son. We ate a lot of sandwiches, a lot of soup and had great friends who always had us over for dinner. My ex didn't pay a DIME for our divorce and yes, he made out very well. He even admits he did very well in our divorce. I was stupid to take on all the debt, but again, it was the only way I felt I could get the divorce done. I don't regret it at all. Money isn't that important to me - my sanity and my happiness are much higher priorities.
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