How to cope with depression without medication?

January 6, 2011

I have dealt with depression for years and have not been able to respond to medications for depression in a positive way. I have Major depressive Episodes/Situational Depression and anxiety. I am able to take a medication for the anxiety successfully.

I have methods to try to keep depression under control but they do not seem to be working at the moment.

I walk, paint, clean, open all the windows, keep bright lights on at night, play with my dogs, go to church, go for a ride, get dressed for the day (take a bath, put on clothes not pjs and fix hair and put on makeup)--- these are some of the things that have worked for me in the past, but because of all the difficult changes that have happened to me recently I am not motivated to do any of these things and I have become more and more withdrawn.

I still do not want to leave my house (since August), hell I barley leave my room and this is very new and strange to me, I do not understand the “fear” or what is causing me to not feel safe in the world anymore, my Dr. (physiatrist-he monitors my medication) said this was sever anxiety and made adjustments to that medication but he is afraid to do much more because he feels the medication to be to addictive, I am already addicted for now so why not find the magic place that for now will help me the most in this area.(Sorry small rant)

It seems so hopeless and difficult to overcome.

I have tried several types of anti depressant with adverse affects. The last time I took an “antidepressant” was in September, it was not a regular antidepressant but a medication for Fibromyalgia (which I do not have) but has been linked to helping with depression, so with my bad history with antidepressants he thought we would give this a try and then he went on vacation.

Well the side effects brought me closer to suicide than I have ever been in my life. I had constant thoughts of suicide and uncontrollable crying which seemed to keep me spiraling downward and further into depression.

My IC recognized these signs and told me to stop taking the medication immediately, which I did and within 7 days felt like a different person.

So now my DR wants to try a new antidepressant and I told him I am just not ready for the undertaking of a new drug just yet, I am tipped by the last round with a trial drug and for me it is just too soon.

So I am asking if anyone knows of other methods or suggestions to help deal with depression besides medications. If so please post them no matter how silly they may seem or unusual … I am willing to try just about anything to pull myself from the grip of this depression before hospitalization is the only alternative, which I do not want, where they will just put you on more medications that just cause more depression.

I am struggling everyday… and I keep getting up so I call that a win… but I would like to have a couple of wins a day to help me gather some resolve during this difficult time.

Thanks to any and all ………….. Moon :(

January 6, 2011

I have stuggled with some episodes of extreme depression in my life, and I also have GAD, which I struggle with daily. My anxiety gets worse or better in conjunction with my depression levels.

I did find solace while taking Wellbutrin- it curbed both my anxiety and depression and I didn't have any side effects besides weight loss.

I tried on so many AD's before finding one that worked for me. I took Cipralex for a couple of months and I couldn't sleep a wink- I was a walking, jittery, crazy mess. Some of the other AD's caused weight gain- and since I have major body issues, the weight gain caused me further stress and depression- so I discontinued them.

I think that there are certain levels of depression that meds really can help you with, the unfortunate part is having to try on the right medication, and that often requires patience and experimentation.

January 6, 2011

Question: why do you have bright lights on at night?

I took up endurance cycling and the endorphins broke the depression cycle. Also, attacking the hills got out a lot of the anger. This was many years ago. I hardly left the house (luckily my shop is on the same property) for nearly three years, other than for training and centuries. Nobody knew.

When caring for my mom made me crazy a few years back, anti-psychotics like the ones I was given her worked pretty well. Took the edge off. Getting regular sleep was the hard part and I found that one item to be the single largest positive change.

This time of year, if in the northern hemisphere, keep daytime light levels high when indoors, stay hydrated (heating systems sap body moisture) and eat a balanced diet.

Other than MC with a psychologist, I've managed my issues alone. I don't recommend it. Having a medical professional on-board is a much better path, but I'm stubborn

Edited January 6, 2011 by carhill

January 6, 2011

If you want to cope without meds, the first step is to remind yourself that you can do it without medication. Your body is strong beyond anything you've ever know, your mind is the weak link. I'm proud of you for wanting to take steps away from drugs. They become a crutch, and they make you weaker.

Ironically, it's doing things that helps you get over any major incident. Hobbies, social volunteer work, etc. Something that has an end goal, a tangible accomplishment. If you have nothing to do during the day, volunteer. I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities to do so. You help one person, you'll instantly feel better.

If I experienced just one of the things, here at home, that I experienced in my time in the Marines during my tours of Iraq and Afghanistan, I would be locked up in a rubber room. The thing that got me over it, was the fact that you had to keep going. You couldn't dwell on it, you couldn't dwell on any of it.

I never had any issue from that time (1999-2005), other than the occasional nightmare. Mostly because I talked about it when I got back. I talked about it with people I felt extremely safe with, any run of the mill head shrink would have puked on the floor.

So find some safe people to talk to it about, and get out and do something, even something small, with a tangible end goal so you feel that you accomplish something.

January 6, 2011

I have stuggled with some episodes of extreme depression in my life, and I also have GAD, which I struggle with daily. My anxiety gets worse or better in conjunction with my depression levels.

I did find solace while taking Wellbutrin- it curbed both my anxiety and depression and I didn't have any side effects besides weight loss.

I tried on so many AD's before finding one that worked for me. I took Cipralex for a couple of months and I couldn't sleep a wink- I was a walking, jittery, crazy mess. Some of the other AD's caused weight gain- and since I have major body issues, the weight gain caused me further stress and depression- so I discontinued them.

I think that there are certain levels of depression that meds really can help you with, the unfortunate part is having to try on the right medication, and that often requires patience and experimentation.

I too have tried the meds you have mentioned as well as several others and have some of the same types of issues and se's. I know there is a certain "cocktail" that works and it is trial and error finding it and dealing with all the adverse se's in the mean time that do add to the stress and depression is very dishearten.

My Dr is a wonderful dr but I kind of fell like a genie pig at this point because the bad has outweighed the good so far and I have been doing this for years. I take breaks from the trials because of the severity of the se's and the risk to my life and health.

I thank you for relating to me in a way that makes me feel like I am not the only one that struggles with an issue most people don't seem to understand.

January 6, 2011

Question: why do you have bright lights on at night?

I took up endurance cycling and the endorphins broke the depression cycle. Also, attacking the hills got out a lot of the anger. This was many years ago. I hardly left the house (luckily my shop is on the same property) for nearly three years, other than for training and centuries. Nobody knew.

When caring for my mom made me crazy a few years back, anti-psychotics like the ones I was given her worked pretty well. Took the edge off. Getting regular sleep was the hard part and I found that one item to be the single largest positive change.

This time of year, if in the northern hemisphere, keep daytime light levels high when indoors, stay hydrated (heating systems sap body moisture) and eat a balanced diet.

Other than MC with a psychologist, I've managed my issues alone. I don't recommend it. Having a medical professional on-board is a much better path, but I'm stubborn

Carhill, i have to start with you are one of my favorite posters and if I have said this before, the hell with it... it needs to be repeated!!

I have high wattage lights on in the house at night while I am up so it does not seem to feel too much like a tomb. lol

Thank you for your suggestions. I am having a hard time motivating myself for several reasons that have deepened my depression, one being the loss of my job, it has brought several stresses with that, financial, purpose and loss of insurance, all not helping my current state of mind and like you said no one really notices.... I do not leave my house, and those that do are the few people who get my dog food ha.

But I too am hard headed and strong willed and determined to keep on keeping on till something works.

Maybe tomorrow i will go outside for at least 10 minutes...it’s a start.

ps I admire the way you relate, it takes me a half a page to say what would take you 15 words...in your case less is more and effective.

January 6, 2011

I had an experience with someone recently who has their days and nights backwards. We were up all night and slept all day. Are you doing this? If so, for how long and is there a constructive reason why or is it just your cycle.

When I was depressed, I would go to sleep right after dinner but would sleep all night. Am I missing something? For me, sleep was an escape from the depression.

I remember one time, a couple years ago, going to Home Depot to get a plumbing snake to clear my mom's toilet of a towel she had flushed down it to block the aliens and ended up wandering around the store for an hour, not able to find the item or the exit. I was totally a zombie. This is a guy who can fix machines in his sleep. Totally nuts.

Anyway, good luck tomorrow. Our psychologist taught me to take one thing each day and finish it and, that way, even if the rest of the day went to shyte, that one thing was a positive force for the day. One positive step each day.

January 6, 2011

If you want to cope without meds, the first step is to remind yourself that you can do it without medication. Your body is strong beyond anything you've ever know, your mind is the weak link. I'm proud of you for wanting to take steps away from drugs. They become a crutch, and they make you weaker.

Ironically, it's doing things that helps you get over any major incident. Hobbies, social volunteer work, etc. Something that has an end goal, a tangible accomplishment. If you have nothing to do during the day, volunteer. I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities to do so. You help one person, you'll instantly feel better.

If I experienced just one of the things, here at home, that I experienced in my time in the Marines during my tours of Iraq and Afghanistan, I would be locked up in a rubber room. The thing that got me over it, was the fact that you had to keep going. You couldn't dwell on it, you couldn't dwell on any of it.

I never had any issue from that time (1999-2005), other than the occasional nightmare. Mostly because I talked about it when I got back. I talked about it with people I felt extremely safe with, any run of the mill head shrink would have puked on the floor.

So find some safe people to talk to it about, and get out and do something, even something small, with a tangible end goal so you feel that you accomplish something.

Your words are very encouraging and this is a wonderful post.

I am sorry you to have had to deal with issues such as war, which brings its own set of obstacles to overcome and with a small group of people who want to discuss them or understand them.

You sound as if you have done well at this. You are exactly right on point with volunteering; I have signed up for so many things since August but have yet to go to any of them. It is like my heart is willing but I just cannot get up the nerve to go. I have such great fear that I will not be able to protect myself emotionally if I am around people, I have done such a s*^t job of it lately.

So for now I just keep signing up, I did call today for a support group for people dealing with depression and they meet next Tuesday… so if I can I plan on being there and I will force myself if I have to have someone drive me and drop me out… I have to get unstuck from this place and in that setting I am hoping to not feel so threatened.

Just saying that here makes me feel like I am obligated to put out the effort so that too is a start. Then maybe I will make it to the cat spaying I keep signing up for!

Thank you for sharing I feel more hopeful already.

January 6, 2011

I had an experience with someone recently who has their days and nights backwards. We were up all night and slept all day. Are you doing this? If so, for how long and is there a constructive reason why or is it just your cycle.

When I was depressed, I would go to sleep right after dinner but would sleep all night. Am I missing something? For me, sleep was an escape from the depression.

I remember one time, a couple years ago, going to Home Depot to get a plumbing snake to clear my mom's toilet of a towel she had flushed down it to block the aliens and ended up wandering around the store for an hour, not able to find the item or the exit. I was totally a zombie. This is a guy who can fix machines in his sleep. Totally nuts.

Anyway, good luck tomorrow. Our psychologist taught me to take one thing each day and finish it and, that way, even if the rest of the day went to shyte, that one thing was a positive force for the day. One positive step each day.

I do not know why I seem to be staying up half the night, I think it is when my anxiety is at its highest and it takes me a while to unwind it. I have been doing this more so since July.

I have never been one to sleep when I am depressed, my mother did that as well as my xH, I just become inactive, sedate. I only sleep about 4 or 5 hours now but on a good day I sleep 6, even when I am not in a depression.

I can relate to your home depot story--- I have not recognized my own clothes since July... i get dressed and wonder what the hell---who's clothes are these?? and why are they in my closest? (Maybe another reason not to go out) I think it is because I do not recognize anything in my life right now so everything seems foreign and my IC tends to agree with this theory.

I think I will go to the post office tomorrow to and mail my son a package I have had for him since Monday, it will make him happy and I will have accomplished ONE thing!!! Well two really that will count as my 10 minutes outside as well !

Thanks for making me laugh... my face thanks you too!

January 6, 2011

One of the funny things I realized when I volunteered is, "What the F are most people depressed about?" After I got back from the 2nd vacation to Iraq, I went to Mexico for Habitat for Humanity. At the time, I had friends who were living in million dollar homes, great families, great love life, great job, and yet where depressed to the hills. Building homes in Mexico, you saw that having running water, 4 actual walls, or a complete roof was a luxury down there. Yet, those people were happy and didn't need meds to make it through life.

Start small with volunteering. For me personally, I wanted to help people but I wasn't ready to put myself in the path of other people's problems. Which is why I did and still do Habitat for Humanity. I was afraid that if I did something that helped people with problems, such as on-call counseling or even at a homeless shelter, I would relapse at that time. Now, I'm squared away and I talk to many of the vets in my area that come back. I also talk to new ROTC students where I go to school, tell them about life in a war zone.

Do you have a safe person you can talk to? Maybe even outside of therapy? Use this person as your wing-man/woman and go volunteering with them. That way, you don't do it alone and they can motivate you to go. The worst thing you can do is try to do this by yourself.

January 6, 2011

i read this really interesting book not too long ago about some of the malpractice cases associated with medications for depression and anxiety...i wish i could remember the name! a lawyer/doctor was narrating and told stories of many of his clients who literally went insane from the medication prescribed to them, often in doses and combinations that went way against the medical community's consensus on what is deemed safe. but anyway, i wish you luck in your plight to fight depression without medication. i've always felt more hurt than helped from meds like that myself, though i've admittedly never battled long-term depression and anxiety.

January 6, 2011

Do you have a safe person you can talk to? Maybe even outside of therapy? Use this person as your wing-man/woman and go volunteering with them. That way, you don't do it alone and they can motivate you to go. The worst thing you can do is try to do this by yourself.

How funny ... to realize I never thought of that, ‘to take someone with me’...WOW. What a sign how single minded a person can be..ha

But I am not sure I have anyone willing to do this, not which comes to mind, my support group is very small. But then again I have not asked either!

I will start thinking about "whom" if anyone--- now that it has been brought to my attention.

And I think you are right on with the type of volunteering you do being as important as the participation, because one can encourage you to see how good you have it, verses relating to the negative feelings you may be sharing with others.

I love animals and they are easy to love so I am trying to commit time to helping in that arena but I will look into a few others as well.

You have been a deep well of knowledge and information and it leads to the creditability of a site like this!

thank you !

January 6, 2011

As I mentioned, be careful with what you initially volunteer for. That's awesome you want to work with animals, but be wary of doing it at an animal shelter. You don't want to be making progress and have an animal have to be put down, which could disrupt your progress because you haven't become strong enough to handle situations like that.

January 6, 2011

i read this really interesting book not too long ago about some of the malpractice cases associated with medications for depression and anxiety...i wish i could remember the name! a lawyer/doctor was narrating and told stories of many of his clients who literally went insane from the medication prescribed to them, often in doses and combinations that went way against the medical community's consensus on what is deemed safe. but anyway, i wish you luck in your plight to fight depression without medication. i've always felt more hurt than helped from meds like that myself, though i've admittedly never battled long-term depression and anxiety.

Thank you for sharing; it validates what I know to be true.

So many people are willing to except if there is a pill that will “fix” it – take it. This is just not so. Some meds hurt the very thing they are designed to help or cause other issues that were not present originally.

As with AD’s there are a lot of risk factors involved in the stabbing in the dark method of finding the right medication to help with some of the symptoms of depression , to me that risk is no longer worth it. I have never felt suicidal without medication only with it. I tend to feel not very hopeful or involved or interested in life, not saying I want it to end.

I also read where a drug company only has to have a small number of successful cases no matter how many failed or negative cases that are conducted to get the “right” number, to be market worthy. I am by no means saying there are not good meds out there; they all just seem to come with a price.

If you remember the book let me know it sounds interesting and thank you for your well wishes, all those are needed and appreciated.

January 6, 2011

Moongirl – I am sorry to hear about your struggles. When I was depressed a few months ago I started taking Zoloft. I liked the numbness it gave me from my problems but did not like the numbness from everything else, like things that should make me happy! Oh, and the side effects sucked too. Anyway, I found a book, “Anatomy of an Epidemic”, which makes very strong arguments against using medications. It really inspired me to stop taking Zoloft and deal with my problems head on. I went to some DARK places getting through this and I still have a ways to go, but I’m making progress.

January 6, 2011

As I mentioned, be careful with what you initially volunteer for. That's awesome you want to work with animals, but be wary of doing it at an animal shelter. You don't want to be making progress and have an animal have to be put down, which could disrupt your progress because you haven't become strong enough to handle situations like that.

You again are right on the money here...I could not handle that.

I keep volunteering for a free spay your pet day, animals that already have homes and all I would be doing is taking care of them pre and post surgery. I have done this in the past and know what it involves emotional which is minimal but rewarding to helping control the over population of unwanted animals.

I will look into what else is available in my area with the same low emotional risk.

January 6, 2011

Moongirl – I am sorry to hear about your struggles. When I was depressed a few months ago I started taking Zoloft. I liked the numbness it gave me from my problems but did not like the numbness from everything else, like things that should make me happy! Oh, and the side effects sucked too. Anyway, I found a book, “Anatomy of an Epidemic”, which makes very strong arguments against using medications. It really inspired me to stop taking Zoloft and deal with my problems head on. I went to some DARK places getting through this and I still have a ways to go, but I’m making progress.

You are so right ... I hated Zoloft ugh, and I know exactly what you are talking about the numbness, you feel nothing and that does not help anything. When I was using Zoloft and AD's like it, I felt like I was just watching life happening around me and not able to engage with it because of my lack of all feelings. This may help on a short term basis but not long term and which is funny because of the time it takes for the meds to get in your system and start to work is about 4 to 6 weeks and about the same time is needed when you find out they are not working for you to avoid more adverse side effects. It is a drawn out process.

I am going to Amazon right now and look for that book and buy it!!

Good luck to you as well and any progress is a positive thing!!

January 6, 2011

I've found that meditation really helps for anxiety - if you do it on a daily basis. I find that it's more successful if you play relaxing music designed for such things. Yoga has a similar effect. I used to be really into running, and found that it really helped me feel better, and it is a great way to burn off anger and gives you time to think through things. There are some herbal supplements - blends, that you could take at bedtime to help you sleep. I've tried them in the past and they seem to work better for me than the over the counter sominex, etc. (which is basically glorified benadryl).

There are times in your life when it's okay to take medication, and I wouldn't beat yourself up if you feel the need for it. I've been taking wellbutrin for about 6 mths now and find that it really gives me energy and helps dramatically with the depression. A side affect is weight loss, but I'm not complaining about that. In addition to that, I have a prescription for valium that I take only very occasionally (in emergencies). It's been a godsend with the type of stress I've been dealing with post-breakup.

I hope you feel better. Depression is a terrible thing to have to deal with. Just know that it doesn't mean you are "crazy" or any such thing. A lot of people go through times in their life when they need a little help, and there's nothing wrong with asking for it.

January 6, 2011

You are so right ... I hated Zoloft ugh, and I know exactly what you are talking about the numbness, you feel nothing and that does not help anything. When I was using Zoloft and AD's like it, I felt like I was just watching life happening around me and not able to engage with it because of my lack of all feelings. This may help on a short term basis but not long term and which is funny because of the time it takes for the meds to get in your system and start to work is about 4 to 6 weeks and about the same time is needed when you find out they are not working for you to avoid more adverse side effects. It is a drawn out process.

I am going to Amazon right now and look for that book and buy it!!

Good luck to you as well and any progress is a positive thing!!

That is a big point the book makes, that the drugs help you short term but they really just allow you to hide from your problems, and the probability of relapse into depression whether you keep taking the meds or not is much higher than if depression is allowed to run its course.

So I was pretty excited by this and I thought “cool I’ll just sit around and let depression run its course!!!” Well I quickly learned that it wasn’t that easy. But the intense moments of pain, when you’re allowed to feel them drug free, really are a beautiful thing when I look back on it. Such moments of clarity that forced me to act in small ways that made me a little bit happier. At first, a little happier was still pretty freaking sad, but with each roller coaster ride into the depths I came out a little bit better. And now I can look back and be thankful and sometimes even miss being that sad. I wrote some crazy poetry and drew some freaky pictures during those worst of times.

Amazingly enough I felt the effects of Zoloft within a few hours after my FIRST pill at the smallest dose (50 mg). I could only take it about a week. I could barely drive, I could barely communicate with people. I would sweat at night and have suicidal thoughts for short periods in the morning. It’s like getting numbed out takes you away from the pain but also makes it feel like there is no happiness to live for! So I started getting advice to try another drug, but it just seemed like a ridiculous path to head down trying to find the right drug I needed because I was SAD.

Even though I don’t post much, I love it here at LS and it really has been soothing to come on here and feel a little less alone. Although it still seems kind of sad that my primary support has been an online message board and a counselor I had to pay $60 per session for.

Let me know what you think of that book!

January 6, 2011

abust1

Even though I don’t post much, I love it here at LS and it really has been soothing to come on here and feel a little less alone. Although it still seems kind of sad that my primary support has been an online message board and a counselor I had to pay $60 per session for.

I know just what you are saying here, that this is my primary support as well !! And now that I no longer have insurance I no longer have my IC.

So that puts LS as the one and only... that is sad.

I ordered the book from Barnes and Noble it was under $20.00 and I am very excited about it and know that it will be if nothing else, something else to do outside of my own head! So it is a win win !!

January 7, 2011

What you can do to fight depression without meds:

Stay Away from Booze and Dope - both will only make you feel better for a short period and likely lead you deeper into the pits. They both depleate the hormones that is needed to "feel" good.

Force yourself into routine - Get your but out of bed in the morning and go to be at night the same time.

Exercise - Force yourself to do something everyday. Even if it means going for a hard walk for half hour to hour. If you can do more the better. Almost every study done shows one of the best treatment for depression is exercise. So more the better. The benefits of pushing yourself is your not only will feel better but will look better which will make you feel better.

Eat Well - Forces yourself to eat well and regularly. Eat all the stuff mom tried to get you to eat; fruit and veggies, protein (meat) complex carbs, healthy fats, but stay away from sugars.

Try Vitamins/Supplement - D, Fish oil, Sam-e, St John Wart, 5-HTP

Find someone professional to talk to - Depression fuel with poor/negative thinking, get it out and learning some positive cognitive tools will help.

Try Anti-d Meds - If you are doing all of the above then remind yourself that life is just to short to feel this crappy. Sometimes the body chemistry needs a little help to start working like is is suppose to. Often individual do not give them enough time to work. Though it usually takes a few weeks for them to work and may need dosage a adjustments. The side effects are generally temporary. Most people will only need them for a period of time. Though then can be just the push to help you do all of the other things listed and get you over the hump.

Finally be kind to yourself.

January 8, 2011

I asked my daughter to help me to get motivated and to try to help me get out of the house. The reason I have not done this sooner is she just got out of the Military and is only home for a short time. She has an 18 month old and a newborn and her husband is at basic training for the Navy, and she is set to move about 2,000 miles away on the 18th of Jan.

She has a lot on her plate already and she experienced some postpartum depression, so it was very hard to ask her for anything, but she came to me and offered that made it a little easier.

She also offered to stay an extra month to make sure I was where I needed to be or at least headed in the right direction, I told her that was nice but have not decided to impose on her to that degree yet.

Anyway today she took me to lunch and we walked by the river, it was a beautiful outing and she has such a great heart.

She even told me she would go volunteer with me and funny enough the volunteer community emailed me today and asked for my help on something I would not have considered on my own, paint at a 1850's cemetery, so I have signed up and so has she, so I am hopeful.

I came home and fell asleep, just like a baby ... a little fresh air and all.

This was just one day but it has been a good day. I also looked on line for some of the natural options and have planned a trip to the health food store this weekend.

Thank you all for your suggestions.

January 8, 2011

2themoon..

i was startled with how similar we are. It's..wow..someone else out there is going through the same. down to the sleeping thing - i am *exactly* the same way. I graduated to 4 hrs of sleep btwn say 7 or 8 pm to midnight and thats my body just shutting down. thats on a good day. I've been seeing the sun rise literally everyday. a staple of my depression.. i know it showed once he disappeared.

My main support is my therapist who I don't click as well as with my old one - he's nice and all just..anyway

my mom who calls a lot but I've decided it'd be easier on her to keep the details at bay unless I absolutely can't take it (for many reasons but it feels good that she's so vigilant)

and now this board which I have to say has been the biggest breath of fresh air since this thing that happened in Aug. After getting super generic commentary about how "yeah breakups are tough forget about him" I started feeling like opening my mouth about it was just annoying the few people I talk to and though the suffering for me feels severe, just "suck it up" ..in silence

I do struggle with depression and anxiety.. ptsd .. this extreme angst about going outside as well. this is the 2nd time in my life that I felt safest/best isolated in my home. doc went as far as saying agoraphobia. ditto. You couldn't get me outside for anything other than food/drink bc eventually takeout was adding up. and it truly is a self fulfulling cycle bc the isolation that you think makes you feel 'better' only makes you feel worse and so forth

there is so much good advice on here, some I'm still working on implementing. I'm out of the "woods" in that I'm not at that pitch black bottom as I was when I decided to take up drinking for one month. it was my saving grace and a slippery slope to an even darker place. i stopped bc i was scaring myself but the pain was that extreme for me. someone said something about clarity with pain - i agree, that does come. but when you can't see it ending.. God..

someone said something about anxiety meds helping over time and thats very true.

zoloft was the antidep i started.. used it before..i got off it.. i don't know why. i would think that it's making me feel better in a few weeks but then again.. it was "deadening" me. funny since i work in a creative field, and just me as a person.. that in itself is a punishment. i used it to stabalize myself .. i never recommend to just stop it by the way

but my crutches have become exercise. hard as hell to start when you're soooo low and your body doesn't even feel like yours (in my case gained a lot of post break up weight really fast). but needing to feel alive again.. and needing your body to feel like yours.. needing the colors back in your life.. that eventually got me moving. best thing I've done for myself.

its an emotional battlefield. but things like cardio jumpstart the "feel good" hormones- endorphins. its something to be really proud of between me myself and i everyday. joining an online group for working out with people who check in every day.. for me that support counts. feeling like i belong in something without feeling like i stick out like a sad sack sore thumb

and through little things like that, along with all the fantastic suggestions before like putting structure into your day. you really and truly start getting you back. Its a process. I'm still suffering notably. But when I think its bad now I just think about as short as one or two months ago when it was REALLY that bad. where you dare not say the kind of thoughts you're thinking. Like my mom says, you have to take care of you..be super gentle with you. even when no one (the one who said they'd love you and BE there always) shows up.. at you least you can nurse you back to health.. find random people like me who can relate whatever you gotta do to find your footing

including prayer if you are a person of faith. Volunteering is a great idea..personally I take a genuine joy out of connecting with people - even if its just a pleasant encounter over nothing. it recharges me.. but can't get that if you don't go out. you know

i think I'll even bookmark this thread seeing that feeling this way is a dynamic beast that feels like its living and breathing only to drown you sometimes. so thank you everyone from OP on for giving evidence that this is SO not the "sole person on the earth" thing it can feel like

(( hugs ))

January 8, 2011

I also looked on line for some of the natural options and have planned a trip to the health food store this weekend.

You may want to consider a Zinc supplement if you haven't already.

January 8, 2011

I have mild clinical depression which does affect me quite a bit in my day to day life, I have anxiety and my ego is very fragile as well so if I find that I am not living up to someone's expectations or failed to please someone I go to a very dark place in my mind.

Excercise has helped me. I use the elliptical and run on the treadmill at my gym. I find the harder I work out, the more exhausted I am and the more relaxed and at peace I am.

I try to relax at home, I will sometimes drink oatstraw tea with a bit of lemon juice, which helps calm you down and relax you. St. Johns Wort also helps a bit.

I like cooking and making my own food relaxes me and makes me forget for a while about the pain. The same with hobbies or a personal project...once I focus on finishing that task or project, my mind is not on my depression.

Edited January 8, 2011 by LoveBug1989

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How to cope with depression without medication?

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