AHK610 Posted March 18, 2004 Posted March 18, 2004 I have been dating my girlfriend on and off for about 3 years now and we always had our difficulties primarily beacuse age differences (she is 19 I am 26) and more. But now i have hit an issue that has put me to near depression. My girlfriend needed money to go through school. She had jobs but kept getting fired. Thus her ultimate conclusion to make money was to take it off. She has started to strip (or dance as she calls it) at an upscale topless gentlemens club. At first I was livid and called her names etc. but got to my maturity and stopped. But i expressed to her my dissatisfaction with this. In addition i never been into a strip club but had an idea of who went there. nonetheless I tried to support her and deal with it myself. But all it has done is driven me to depression and saddened me on her future. She is now failing her classes but making more money than ever. More importantly she is meeting these pro athletes and is now associating with them. All the while leaving me in the dirt, trying to explain to her how dangerous her lifestyle is at her age... My question is, should I stick around even though i am clinically depressed or just let her go. Her parents really dont care about her and her mother even encouraged this job. They also live in another state so I am assuming in a sense responsibility for her... what do I do...
quankanne Posted March 18, 2004 Posted March 18, 2004 I'd put the relationship on indefinite "hold" while I sought treatment/counselling to deal with the episodes of depression. She is going to make decisions that you may not like, but they're not worth making yourself mentally ill over. Let 'er dance, but in the meantime take care of yourself. Maybe she'll decide that it's not all that great or maybe she'll figure out that this is the lifestyle she really wants to pursue: either way, it's HER decision. YOUR decision lays in doing what's best for you, even if it means going it without her. good luck!
Dixiecron Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 AHK610, Get a friend and go to a strip club and see for yourself. Get drunk. Get a lap dance or two. Then imagine if it was your ex girlfriend doing that. I don't think you'd want her back after doing that little exercise. Work on your depression, and work on getting over her. She just went down the rabbit hole, and there is no use trying to chase her down.
SoleMate Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 ...I am assuming in a sense responsibility for her... Hello, you cannot assume responsibility for another adult. It's dreadful that she has made this choice, and I am quite sure it will lead to heartache for her, just as you have suspected. But she is an individual person, and has her life to live. If she were your own child, I would not recommend giving up on getting her out of strip clubs. But since she is your ex-gf, I say, "Let her go live her life." The chances that you will be able to change her mind are slim at best. For someone without an inbred moral compass, and with minimal job skills, the easy money of stripping (and then prostitution) are very difficult to pass by. Your relationship is not built on the best of foundations. When you were an adult (23 yrs), you started a relationship with a troubled child (16 yrs) from a dubious background. The relationship has been rocky, as has your gf's life. And now she is on a path that will lead nowhere good. Fix yourself, and go find a healthy adult woman to have a relationship with next time. Good luck!
AHK610 Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 I appreciate the responses for it is helping me deal with the options in front of me. For the most part I have left two options open the first being just love her for what she does and be there for her, but as i had feared, it has been at the expense of my mental health. The other option was to just let her go, but as u may read from the facts, I have that "big brother" role in her life for which i feel she is taken advantage of now. My fear in this is not in the relationship and its future for it is nearly impossible to have one, moreover her safety and well being in a world so hard for someone so young. So my follow up question is, due to my inexperience with women in this stirpping world, how do most of their lives end up? any info. I am scared to hear about her in drugs prostitution etc. just as much being used by these athletes and patrons all for the allmighty dollar.
Dixiecron Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 Hmmm. The gentle way to answer your question is with another question: Did you ever see Forrest Gump? Remember what happened to the girl?
Samson Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 I have been dating my girlfriend on and off for about 3 years now and we always had our difficulties primarily beacuse age differences (she is 19 I am 26) and more. So you dated a 16 year old when you were 23? Hope you kept it legal in your state. Frankly, based on a number of statutary laws, many might question your own ethical judgement. But the water has passed under this bridge..... But now you want to judge her moral values as a pole dancer? Sounds like you've been contributing something to her life. How'd she end up where she is with someone like you dating her these past 3 years?
saintfrancis Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 Originally posted by Dixiecron Hmmm. The gentle way to answer your question is with another question: Did you ever see Forrest Gump? Remember what happened to the girl? I never saw Forrest Gump. What happened to the girl???
Dixiecron Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 If memory serves me right, he girl in that movie wanted to be a folksinger, ended up stripping and then got into drugs, and just bad things in general like prostitution. She ends up as a waitress or something (when she had been in college before). The whole thing wasn't explicitly shown because of the family nature of the film, but when she brings her son (Forrest's son) to him because she is sick, the idea is (at least to me) that she is dying of AIDS or something along those lines.
Dug Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 I'm probably the worst person to comment on this, but ............Professional Stripping is usually very "controlled" with regard to touching etc......unless you want to be man handled by a 300pound bouncer named Gunta. My ex, flat out slept around with strangers and I felt a complete lack of respect for her. I don't think I would be concerned about the actual stripping, unless she was leaving with other guys. If she truly is "yours", then feed you ego. There aren't many men who have women fit enough to be strippers and faithful in the same package.
kara Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 Hi there, may be I shouldn't interfere but after reading Samson's reply I feel like I have to. Samson: Sounds like you've been contributing something to her life. How'd she end up where she is with someone like you dating her these past 3 years? I think this goes too far. AHK610 is NOT her parent, he is not responsible for her behavior. In fact, this is THE thing he needs to realize. She is 19 now and no kid. I am sure she would appreciate being treated as an adult and equal as well, AHK 610. If you really love her, express how bothered you are by what her actions, but also say that you understand that you have to respect her choices. Who knows, may be she is really just trying to prove the world she is an adult? P.S. Forrest Gump's Jenny was abused as a child, which is why she did all she did. This is pure speculation and probably irrelevant, but still: AHK 610, any ideas if your girl had something awful happening to her when she was little?
AHK610 Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 First of all she was young when we started dating, it was something i was against but she was not. But she was 17 and I was 23. Young yes, her birthday is within the next few months and it has been little under 3 years but i rounded up. In addition I aided her in helping her go to college which was her choice, i never made decisions for her b/c i knew that wasnt my role, rather i would support her goals. I am in law school know raised with good values (family does not approve) so please do not judge me by a mere age equation. I know the ethical concers behind it. i never "controlled" her or anything or forced her to do things against her will. Just took her in a a GF as well as someone who needed and I thought I could help achieve her goals. In addition while living together she has cheat on me (with a 31 year old bartender from work, go figure) but i forgave her and I accepted her "excuse" of being young. We patched things up after that but i always was there for her when she fell with something and continue to be. As Kara mentioned I still told her i love her to this day but it has driven me to this depressional state b/c my love is giving her the "safety blanket" but I am not feeling appreciated. Especially when she is stripping and when she receives calls from various "lawyers" "football players" and "models" who want to "hang" As far as something bad happening to her.. I think so but not completely sure the one thing i can tell u is that her mother (who encouraged her to start this b/c of the $$) has cheat on her dad multiple times and he still stays with her unhappily, in addition her mother's twin sister's husband has commit scuicide.. so it is a rough background plus she has a few stange sexual stories with other guys when she was young but no abusethat i know of, more neglect.
Stone Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 Take It from a Former Stripper: I danced for several years while working other jobs in the mean time and I have always been faithful in my relationships. Strippers get a bad wrap, and sometimes it is deserved, but if you play the game right you can really get ahead of the game. I danced to because I was a single mother with a handicapped child and it was great money and you can make you own schedule, and it 's great money......( note most strippers never have money to spend though easy come easy go and still struggle just as much as anybody else see my post today millionair mystery man) Dancing changes your character, you hate men shortly after starting, and dream and dream of someday getting out of there, but now you can't find a job that pays 300-1,000 a night, so you compromise yourself and stay a couple more days, and then days turn in to months and months turn in to years ect.... BUT it doesn't mean your girlfriend will be unfathful, the temptation is always there yes, and boy will her selfesteem rise when every a** hole wants to take her home and tells her how beautiful she is, that's all you hear all day your so beautiful, so sexy, I love you bla, bla, I realised there are two kinds of strippers the one's that are trying to make something of themselfs and is using the club as a way to finance that dream. OR the girls who are there to get attention from men, and or get a fix. If your girlfriend falls under number one she will be o.k. if she doesn't get wrapped up in all the"Temptation"
AHK610 Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 So are you saying its a self esteem issue here? I had kind of thought that but was not sure Let me inform u that there is a lot of guilt here b/c of the fact that when i voice displeasure over it she blames things including the fact that i dont help her financially, her parents took her off her car insurance, and she cant keep a job. when she blames it on me i feel guilty and partialy the reason why i am here. She does have a self admitted supeficial personality with many but is sincere with me and a handful of her close friends. but her job i feel has gotten her to treat me superficially (including when i try to hold her when she is sleeping) and now i feel that sweet girl i loved so much for he inside personallity has been taken and robbed from me due to sexual explotation of insecure yet attractive women and the financial rewards of such demoralization. Thank you everone for the replies by the way they are helping.
AHK610 Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 I think she is getting wrapped up in all the temptation b/c of her giving her number out to these people. From experience stoneheather, where do these girls end up?
Stone Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 Dont feel guilty .........Just advice in advance all strippers and yes all are complete bitches ( including my self) you have to learn how to be to adapt to the enviorment. Somegirls turn out to be o.k. if they have a goal in mind and make no friends at work and just work twards their goal they will reach it BUT the others turn in to drug additcs prostitutes, or get surar daddies. and most dancers are at least alcholics. if itget worse and they are called " coke hores" and if she is under 21 and can't drink chances are she will turn to coke.......A way to put on a front about who you are just like a stage name.........Well I have many other things to add but I must go for now Stripper 101 will continue.
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