HRCT Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Right, I'll try to keep this as short as possible. My ex and I were together for three months, and for almost half of that time she was EXTREMELY busy. That is what led to our break up in the end. Now when I say break-up, she initiated it. At first I said that I dont want to but after a few days agreed to exchange stuff and meet. At the end of our meeting she had cried, saying that she realised how much she still likes me. She said we should remain friends, repeatedly, asked that I dot delete her of facebook, and when I asked her if I can give her a hug, she said "No, I want to hug you". The same night I gave her her birthday gift (for the next week). She went home and posted on facebook "I just recieved the most wonderful and moving birthday gift ever. Thank you." After that I kept quite for a month. After a month I tried to call her. No answer, just a text. "Why did you call me? I was busy to prepare. Was it a mistake?" "No, just wanted to say hi." 3 days later I tried to call again. This time no answer. So I waited till New years, and included her in a bundle text. "Happy New Year!" was the reply. After that I waited three more days. I gave her a call (from my work number, which she does not know). This is what followed: "Hello, Bora" "Hello..." "Do you know who this is?" "~~~~?" "Thats right~ (I said with some kind of comic relief, laughter on the other side) Im just calling to see how you are?" "Good. Actually I have Japanese class now. It will end at 4." "Ok, should I call you then." "Ok." good bye~ etc. Called at 4:20 and no answer, this time I called from my cell phone. What followed was a strange to and fro of texts. (Ex)"If you have something to tell me msg me~~" (Me)"Are you still in class?" "No, but I prefer texting" "I understand. I just wanted to see how you are. Glad to hear you are studying Japanese again." "Ive been good thx :-)" "glad to hear that. How was new years?" no reply About 1 hour later~ "How about chatting on facebook?" (a mistake I suppose) "Sorry, I was taking a nap... I gotta prepare to meet friends. ttyl." "Thats ok. Enjoy time with your friends. ttyl. Next morning "It was nice to hear from you yesterday. Have a good day." "You too!" She replies, but tenatively... WHAT SHOULD I DO!?!?!?!?!? WHAT IS GOING THROUGH HER MIND?!?!?!?!
paleblue Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I think you are wasting your time trying to get with this girl or be friends with her. Seriously. I would just let it go and start talking to other girls who want to hang out. This ones head is somewhere else. She isnt thinking about hanging out with you. She is thinking about other things she wants to do and is doing them. Probably the same thing you should do -other things. And hey, if you hear from her again, great, say hi, but dont expect anything out of it. I would just let it go and not bother contacting her anymore. You went out for three months and she was extremely busy most of that time. Forget it. She isnt going to change.
Trovador Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 You should have quit the first time she ignored you... look, most people are busy most of their time and that doesn't prevent them of contacting you or answering a call or a text... moreover, as almost any girl will tell you, chasing them when they don't want to be chased is the kiss of death, or something worse... imagine a woman calling you insistently after you have showed her that you are not in the mood, so to speak... then texting you, then calling you again... bothersome, isn't it? Been there, man, it was obvious she wasn't into me, but sadly I was blind to that fact...
Author HRCT Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 I hear what you guys are saying. And yes, she is a busy little bee. But the fact is that she is replying... she did tell me that she is still into me, even while we were breaking up (more like a 2 hour coffee date with an old friend, to be honest). And even AFTER we broke up she went as far as to say that the gift I made her was the most wonderful and special she has ever received. And I dont believe that a person can just switch of any romantic feelings in 6 weeks. Also, I should note that she broke up with another bloke to be with me when we started going out. And there were no bad times, just stale times. When it was god though, it was really good. Last week I made a suggestion that we should be friends. I am just wondering if she is plainly unwilling to simply be friends, cause she still has some feelings, and now she is unsure or scared about what I might say/do, and thereby she would rather protect herself. We never ever had a massive blow out or fight. And at the break up she admitted that I was actually a really good boyfriend, and that she agreed with me that the timing was just really bad.
paleblue Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Well, its up to you. If you want to hang onto this, that’s cool. See what happens. I just think you are just going to wind up more frustrated than anything else. The way I look at things, it’s Actions, not words, is what matters. If someone is ready willing and able to be in a relationship, they make time. You can read lots of posts on here all the time…. She/He said this or that… She can say anything she wants until the cows come home, but if nothing happens it’s just talk. The red flags I see are: 1. She is EXTREMELY busy 2. She initiated the break-up 3. Sometimes you don’t talk for a month at a time. 4. Half the time she doesn’t answer or return calls. 5. You are constantly chasing after her just for some breadcrumbs. If this was me id just keep it as friends and move on. Who knows down the road, but right now, M’eh…….. You’ve put yourself out there a lot and you are getting very little in return is what it seems like…
0hpenelope Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Let this one go. Her announcements of wanting to be friends with you regardless sounds really cheap right now, tbh. It sounds like something a person would tell another to make the person feel better. My ex says he wants to be friends. I won't hold him to it because I'm not interested in being just friends with. I'm going to do my own thing because it's his fault for letting this awesomeness go. Forget it. She isnt going to change. Oh, paleblue! That's a little harsh to her, don't you think? No one gets to decide for others if they're going to change or not. Change does take time & effort - in her case, it just sounds like she doesn't want to.
paleblue Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 (edited) Oh, paleblue! That's a little harsh to her, don't you think? No one gets to decide for others if they're going to change or not. Change does take time & effort - in her case, it just sounds like she doesn't want to. Hmmmm, lemme think... tick, tock..... tick, tock....... BuZzzzzz!!! survery says... N0pe! tho i do agree, sometimes people can change over a long period of time, but like you said, she sounds like she doesn't want too. thats why i think the OP's interests would be best served by letting her go in a romantic sense, and focusing his attention on someone that actually appreciates his time. i know its easier said than d0ne when you have feelings involved! Edited January 7, 2011 by paleblue
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