bl22 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I havent made a new thread here in a while but thought I'd share my progress with you. Background: Was with a great relationship with a girl started when we was both 20 and was together for around 2 years. We shared many great memories and times together rarely fought, I was her first relationship and first partner, where as I had been in relationships before her. I can honestly say this relationship was a million times more loving, fun and great connection overall. I immediately clicked with her family and vice versa, everyone could see how much in love we were, and we suited each other perfectly. For the first time in my life I had someone who I could totally be myself around, I could tell her anything in the world and same for her, she was my total best friend, and cared so deeply about me. All in all for around 1 year 6 months it was perfect, maybe too perfect... The relationship ended around the start of Oct after she told me she had developed feelings for 'a friend' of hers but said she stil loved me. This 'friend' she told me wasnt even her type, was only 19 and shes 22, doesnt share any simarlar interests, and they work together 5 x a week. For around 2 weeks she would tell me she is confused and doesnt want to lose me but cant be with me whilst she feels like this but wants us to be together again 1 day. She'd be in bits telling me this, crying hysterically...never to my face though 'as she wouldnt be able to cope seeing the pain in my eyes' She said she doesnt want this to be goodbye, I never saw this coming and even the weeks leading up to her telling me that, she would tell me Im the love of her life and Im the best thing thats ever happened to her. Despite this betrayal she has always been an honest girl, many would have hid this and gone off and cheated, but she told me straight away. She has never lied to me before so I dont believe she didnt mean the things she said when it ended. However, no amount of trying could make her see what she was throwing away, so I found this site, and implemented NC. Funnily enough she was always the paranoid 1 telling me im too good for her, that shes worried i may find someone better, that she cant believe shes so lucky to have me. I on the other hand wasnt paranoid, until the last month where I noticed her meeting 'the other guy' alot more. Maybe I was too trusting of her. Now: It is coming up to around 4 months since the breakup, and around 3 1/2 months NC. Days have been so hard, I am a naturally determined person, always have been, i HATE losing, Im a really sore loser and do anything it takes to be the best whenever I set myself a goal. This is a characteristic about myself which I feel has helped me SO much through this break up. When she ended things we me, I felt like the worlds biggest loser...and to be left for some guy who has actively persued her for 6 months...just adds to the misery. I feel breakups make or break alot of people, I feel in the long run this will be the making of me. I've literally not stopped keeping myself busy, going gym 5 x a week, working on new music, seeing old friends, making new friends. Despite getting all this on track, I've stil longed for her and missed her... But today, I could literally feel the progress. NC really does make you strong, and you dont even realise how far youve come in NC until you make a mistake and are set back...that pain you suddenly lost is back...and its worse than ever. Normally, she is on my mind...no joke about every 10 seconds nearly. That sounds obsessive but I cannot help it. It seems to be getting better though And for most days I'd be thinking to myself...hmm, does she miss me? does she think of me? will she contact me again? Right now I dont have answers, but i believe the relationship we shared WAS love. I can pin point many, many, MANY memories we shared together of pure bliss that have reminders here and there in daily life. These reminders she CANNOT escape. I get them all the time and used to think to myself 'I wish I could tell her about this'.... now it is ....'Haha i rememebr that, was so funny, too bad she betrayed me, oh well I dont need her anymore' And there we have it... I dont have to live with the guilt of knowing you have broken someones heart you loved. I honestly believe that is not an easy thing to live with. I have never broken anyones heart badly before but to think of great memories with someone you loved, and then have to be reminded YOU BROKE THEIR HEART INTO A MILLION PIECES AND YOU WILL NEVER GET TO MAKE NEW MEMORIES WITH THAT PERSON AGAIN AND THAT PERSON WILL HAVE FOUND SOMEONE NEW AND WILL PROBABLY TELL YOU TO F' OFF IF YOU TRIED TO TALK TO THEM... Yes that is what is going to go through her head...OUCH... they will have their weak moments for sure. Every ex I've had before her...even when the relationship wasnt even great, just convineint and 'nice'...have come back 6 months - 1 year later REALLY trying to meet up with me again, catch up with my life, find out where im at, being really flirty. I know my ex pretty well, she has a conscience, she has 1 of the biggest hearts I know...she is just young and immature at this time and became confused. We hit a point in our relationship where a bigger commitment was needed, 2/3 years is where this happens and that brings about most breakups. For all those coping with a breakup being the dumpee...just remember, you may miss your ex...but if the breakup wasnt your fault...you will have the opportunity to miss your ex without any guilt...If the dumper ends up missing the dumpee, which they will from time to time if the relationship was good and full of great memories, great connection...they will have to process guilt knowing it was THEIR fault you arent there anymore. It was THEIR actions and that must hurt more knowing it was their own fault and actions as to why you have disappeared, and moved on. Happens all the time....people regretting leaving people who meant so much to them. Just wtch the film 'Looking for Eric' at around 22 (my age) the lead character leaves his girlfriend whilst she is pregnant. The story begins when he is around 40 years old and he has spent most of his life in regret, thinking about her and is miserable. He thinks about memories they shared together, he smiles, laughs...but it sinks in...I was the 1 who ruined it...he always comes back to that conclusion. I think this happens ALOT, if you was good to your ex...you won't be forgotten...what they are doing right now is AVOIDING truly getting over someone by partying alot, going off with someone else (my case)...they are only avoiding the pain right now, bottling it up, when reality sets in again, they wont have their sweetheart, their best friend, us. Think of it this way...we're going up, we've hit rock bottom....the honeymoon phase/off the rails phase will be dying down soon....only downhill for them... Feel free to comment on anything I've posted. Just my opinion
SimonSerenade Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I agree Good conclusion, Lets hope many others can draw the same one
J0N Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I'm in the same boat as you man. Part of me hopes you are right. But I don't want my ex to live with guilt, I want her to be happy. After all it is her life, she does not owe it to me to date me just to avoid the guilt.
Author bl22 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 I'm in the same boat as you man. Part of me hopes you are right. But I don't want my ex to live with guilt, I want her to be happy. After all it is her life, she does not owe it to me to date me just to avoid the guilt. I dont wish my ex to be unhappy. I wish her all the best and happiness in the future....just not with the guy she left me for. That would give out the message that her putting me through the most painful experience ive ever encoutered through no fault of my own was justified and deserved. They probably will seek forgiveness from us one day when they experience how it feels to have your heart ripped to pieces.
SDA Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I hope she realized she threw it all away and when she has no one to talk to anymore and when she feels guilty I am not gonna be there. With everything she put me through and how she played with my head she deserves that guilt right now.
Fern Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I dont wish my ex to be unhappy. I wish her all the best and happiness in the future....just not with the guy she left me for. That would give out the message that her putting me through the most painful experience ive ever encoutered through no fault of my own was justified and deserved. They probably will seek forgiveness from us one day when they experience how it feels to have your heart ripped to pieces. Amen. I could have written this myself. But you know what? This too will pass. I'm coming to terms with the idea that my Ex may be with her for a long, long time. Who knows? But it won't be perfect. No relationship is perfect. It won't even be 'better' than us in the end, even if it's 'successful' - it'll just be different. Different problems, different high points. I was a pretty excellent girlfriend and I couldn't have tried any harder to make things work. When the inevitable comparisons kick in - in weeks, months or years - I'm certain the memories of me will stand up to scrutiny. He, on the other hand, is not so lucky. As my opinion of him plummets with time, I imagine I'm going to look pretty great to him in future. Especially if his new Girl stays true to form and cheats on him.
Author bl22 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 Amen. I could have written this myself. But you know what? This too will pass. I'm coming to terms with the idea that my Ex may be with her for a long, long time. Who knows? But it won't be perfect. No relationship is perfect. It won't even be 'better' than us in the end, even if it's 'successful' - it'll just be different. Different problems, different high points. I was a pretty excellent girlfriend and I couldn't have tried any harder to make things work. When the inevitable comparisons kick in - in weeks, months or years - I'm certain the memories of me will stand up to scrutiny. He, on the other hand, is not so lucky. As my opinion of him plummets with time, I imagine I'm going to look pretty great to him in future. Especially if his new Girl stays true to form and cheats on him. Haha yeah funny thing is, I find myself each day caring less and less about them. I KNOW full well it wont work out between them, I'd go as far as to say he will break her heart. Hes only 19, when we was together she told me in disgust that he openly admited he'd sleep around if he could, and he fancied the village bike at her work at the time also. RED FLAGS already. I know theyve argued already as they had done whilst we was together, so already that barrier is broken. And yes i was a good boyfriend to her, I can literally pinpoint tons of memories n fun times n moments of joy and often would find myself asking questions, will she forget these memories....right now...im caring less and less whether she remembers them, I have a very good memory and will rememebr them for as long as i live. Right now I dont know what the future holds for me which is strange as I love to plan things out, but Im begining to feel hopeful...excited for what the future may bring. I know I'll find love again 1 day, whether she comes back or not...who knows, I think its fair to say she will but she may not like what she gets back.
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