Trextom Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 ok I know somethings should probably stay in the past but of course I had to ask some questions I shouldn't have probably asked. I'm usually pretty open to things, and I have gotten over past g/f's pasts before. The first thing is she has been with 40 something guys and shes only 21. Even though I'm not thrilled about this Its something I think I can handle. Im about three years older and am in a kind of big band so my past aint the best either. She had a kid she put up for adoption and she said its changed how she acts now and has gotten more mature because of it and I believe her because I have known her for six months. The thing that bothers me though is finding out she was raped. When she was 14 some guy slipped something into her drink and date raped her and that lead to her sleeping around. Also when she was 16 two guys raped her. Since then she has gotten a lot of therapy and appears to have put all this stuff behind her but its not that easy for me Shes a really sweet kid and it just breaks my heart to know what happened to her. But yea thats about it, anyone had a similar experience or have some advice?
deebeechrisyo Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 As someone who is making an effort this year to look past the numbers, 40ish at the age of 21 is really high. It's really too bad that she was raped when she was younger, but I would tread carefully here if you see her as a long term girlfriend.
Mad Max Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 40+ at 21? Sorry, no go. I'm sorry that she was raped and truly feel sorry for her, but this girl is not GF material. Too many issues.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 No... 40 is pushing it for a woman of 90yo... at 21 that's just stupid. Also... raped twice... that's more than coincidence. Look, I have experience with "high number" women. It's not worth it... This one is clearly crazy. If you try to build a relationship with her... you will regret it.
tigressA Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Also... raped twice... that's more than coincidence. And just what is that supposed to mean?? OP, if you're posting here...clearly you have issues with what happened to her and what she did. Just what are your concerns? How long have you been dating and how long into the relationship did she disclose these things? Why did you feel you had to ask her questions about her sexual history?
jenifer1972 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I think that is a very high number, but if your number is close to that, you really can't cast stones. But all the rapes- hmm that is sure a lot of being in the wrong place with the wrong guys..
missdependant Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 ok I know somethings should probably stay in the past but of course I had to ask some questions I shouldn't have probably asked. I'm usually pretty open to things, and I have gotten over past g/f's pasts before. The first thing is she has been with 40 something guys and shes only 21. Even though I'm not thrilled about this Its something I think I can handle. Im about three years older and am in a kind of big band so my past aint the best either. She had a kid she put up for adoption and she said its changed how she acts now and has gotten more mature because of it and I believe her because I have known her for six months. The thing that bothers me though is finding out she was raped. When she was 14 some guy slipped something into her drink and date raped her and that lead to her sleeping around. Also when she was 16 two guys raped her. Since then she has gotten a lot of therapy and appears to have put all this stuff behind her but its not that easy for me Shes a really sweet kid and it just breaks my heart to know what happened to her. But yea thats about it, anyone had a similar experience or have some advice? I am part of another forum called baby-gaga and it is ALL women on that site; most of which are under 30. You would be surprised at how many men MOST women have slept with. I haven't been with that many. But some users conducted polls and most of their answers were over 20.
SilverLining Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Whoa whoa whoa...this girl opens up to you about her painful past and you sit in judgment of her now? Look, this is someone who was raped at a young age, 14, my GOD. She obviously has issues, and look where those issues have led her - sleeping with a lot of men, unwanted pregnancies, hanging out with guys who clearly were no good which led to her getting raped again. This girl is not crazy. She's been in pain and trying to figure out how to deal with it. Lots of girls who are dealing with severe issues around that age end up doing really stupid things such as sleeping around with every guy. It's extremely common. It sounds like she realizes this stuff was affecting her negatively and wants to do something different. Seems like she wants to put it all behind her. She went to therapy for goodness sake. If you know this girl to be a good woman, and she seems to have moved on from her awful past, shouldn't you APPLAUD her and be PROUD of that? Doesn't that speak for her character? If I were a guy, I would feel lucky to be with someone who had come so far in her life at such a young age. If you feel you cannot deal with this, then be as honest with her as you can. But don't for a minute think that it has anything to do with HER. She's working on her issues. This is about YOU, and your insecurity.
AverageJoe Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Why Oh Why, people insist on knowing someones past bed partners still fascinates me. Nothing good will ever come of it. Nothing. Ever.
carhill Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 OP, what kind of relationship do you want with her? Do you know her family? Imagine them in a room with your family. How would that go? What's her *relationship* history? Is she still in therapy? IMO, the number is a number. Kudos to her for giving you what likely may be a real one. Examine other aspects of her history and psyche for compatibility, presuming you wish a LTR with her. Good luck
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