abust1 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Ok.. I am about 9 months past a 5 year relationship (we were engaged), with the latest NC streak being almost 3 months. A little over a year ago my ex and I took an AWESOME vacation together (looking back, what a horrible mistake to add those memories to a relationship I knew was going to die!). Anyway, while on this vacation we happened upon a guy who took us on a couple excursions, and after the last excursion I got his email address in case we came back. So I get a text from the ex a couple nights ago asking if I still had that guy’s email address. Some of you may e-slap me for this, but I did reply with a quick “Nope” and said nothing else, and haven’t heard back (thank god). I don’t feel bad for replying the way I did, it made me “sound” and feel strong and over the situation, but my chest panging headboard punching mornings and workday LS perusing actions are obviously saying otherwise. This little event hurts A LOT. This vacation was the most amazing trip I’ve ever been on. I have a video I took of her while I’m talking in the background “THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT OF OUR LIVES!!” And why didn’t I marry her again? Anyway. It could just be she was trying to find out for a friend, or it could be that she is going back to this place with someone new. If it is the latter, I’m thinking WHAT THE ****. Would you really want to go back to this place with someone else after all the crap we went through, reliving the vacation with someone new? Would this new guy really want to go somewhere that his new woman and her ex had an amazing time at? Is she really looking for this information or just trying to **** with me? I made it through Christmas and New Years without contacting her and maybe she is just pinging me with something safe and potentially harming. She is a smart, vindictive, conniving little B**** but my sick self loves her for it. Her birthday is in a couple weeks so she is probably going there with this new guy. Probably the same guy who I watched her fall in love with while we are breaking up and is more successful, a better lover, funnier, better job, more friends, better friends, than me. ****!!!!! Pity party over. It really hurts. I’m getting over her and everything that happened, day by day, it’s slow as hell and my life is nowhere near as cool as it was a couple years ago, but I’m getting over it slowly. I deserve everything that happened to me with the way I treated her and our relationship, so forgiveness for all that is a big part of this process. This was definitely a setback. I could probably find out the truth through a mutual friend, but I haven’t, and probably won’t. Although sometimes it seems safer to find out the truth than let my mind wander with possibilities. On a positive note, this is the most fluid, well-constructed thought I’ve had in over a year. I’m a shell of my former self and I can’t believe I still have a job. LS is good for us posters to re-develop some sense of identity and ability to communicate, even if it’s about our stupid breakups. No specific questions here, but it feels good to vent and I’d love to hear some opinions.
WTRanger Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 If you stopped watching videos and reliving old memories of her, you'd see your coping progress speed up. Right now, you are driving around with a gigantic anchor dragging behind you.
810 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 hey, no fancy opinions here, just gonna say, "good job!" and giving you an e-hug
Author abust1 Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 If you stopped watching videos and reliving old memories of her, you'd see your coping progress speed up. Right now, you are driving around with a gigantic anchor dragging behind you. ROGER THAT. That was back in August I watched that video and looked through all our pictures. I won't be doing that again for a VERY long time. YEARS. Thanks.
Author abust1 Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 hey, no fancy opinions here, just gonna say, "good job!" and giving you an e-hug RE-E-HUGZ back to you friend
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