If a confident man/woman becomes insecure in a relationship, it's the partners fault.

[Hopeful30]

I've seen many confident men and women in relationships. Then i've seen the same handful become very insecure in new relationships (or visa versa, were insecure and now are very happy and confident).

 

They become insecure and even jealous when they find themselves in a relationship with a person who isn't reassuring. No it's not the responsibility of the partner to constantly reassure the person they are with that they care, or love etc...

 

But no reassurance at all? Confident people don't just become insecure for no reason. If they are great in all relationships except the odd few, the partner is to blame.

 

(This excludes severe jealousy where constant reassurance is useless or makes little difference. This is about regular people who are usually confident and secure in relationships.)

 

Thoughts?

[sally4sara]

They still have a measure of responsibility in the choice to remain in a relationship with someone who eats at their self esteem till they have none at all. I believe their self esteem wasn't all that good in the first place to stick around for more mistreatment. But yes, sticking around will have their self esteem reaching a new low.

[january2011]

In my experience, every relationship is different and brings out different elements of each partner's personality, whether it be confidence or insecurity. And even then, the dynamic can change with time and when circumstances change.

[shayan]

self confidence has nothing to do with others. In good or bad relationships you are responsible for the way you view yourself period.

[mo mo]

self confidence has nothing to do with others. In good or bad relationships you are responsible for the way you view yourself period.

 

Nahhhh I don't think so. Even the most confident people can be brought down by the actions (or inactions) of a SO.

 

What happened to me a few weeks ago is a perfect example. I was super confident that I had this one girl ready to date me-- she said she was interested and talked to me about all the things we could do together. The whole reason she was attracted to me in the first place was that she admired the fact that I had no problem being different than most people around me and I wasn't constantly trying to impress people. I just was who I was and I was confident that people would find that attractive.

 

Then she gradually starting distancing herself from me, and then I saw her flirting with other guys. Naturally, I started to feel a bit insecure because by that point I had begun to develop some feelings for her.

[Hopeful30]

 

Then she gradually starting distancing herself from me, and then I saw her flirting with other guys. Naturally, I started to feel a bit insecure because by that point I had begun to develop some feelings for her.

 

My point exactly.

[sally4sara]

self confidence has nothing to do with others. In good or bad relationships you are responsible for the way you view yourself period.

 

True, but sticking around when you know you're not being treated well is going to change the way you view yourself for tolerating it.

[Butterflying]

If they are dating someone who makes them insecure this is possible. That is the reason I'm always careful when friends or boyfriends start acting jealous of my relationships with other people. I look at myself first to see what I'm doing to stimulate their response. And it works the other way around too.

 

I've never been insecure. But when I dated a guy who was VERY flirtatous, (he would flirt all women, including my mother, my brother's girlfriend, my sisters, cousins, everyone) I was insecure. After we broke up, I was confident again and I learned not to date flirtateous guys anymore.