im new to this place and need some

[liverpool fc]

hello all, my names brett i live in australia and i am 17 years old, hoping this place i can help people out and have my issues helped out

 

I am currently in a long distance relationship with a girl in sunderland - england, i added her off this facebook group in early december and me and her sort of spoke but then we stopped, then on the 12th of december she said hi first and me and her spoke constantly like non stop over the next 2 weeks and i spoke to her on the phone on 2 occasions but she was very shy. she started saying ily and all that a week later and on the 24th of december she asked me if me and her are bf and gf and i said im not sure, personally i wasnt even thinking of a LDR but she asked me out and i said yes because i didnt want to lose her as a friend, since then things have been going good and she even phoned me one time, and we are hoping of seeing each other in april when i fly to england to watch football. even though she says to me how much she loves me and that i am a little paranoid that she could be cheating because i asked her if we can change our status to in a relationship and she didnt really want to because she doesnt want others finding out, i am a little paraniod that she may have different guys but she has opened up to me about her past school life and feel as if i can trust her but i was wondering if i should create a fake facebook page and find out that way if shes gonna say she has a bf or if she will say she is single.

 

over here in australia i cant find the right type of girl, most of them here like to move around a bit and i want a peacefull girl but have not been able to find that here

 

i hope i dont sound too desperate for doing this LDR thing with that girl but i have enjoyed the self esteem boost it has given me despite it being a LDR

[nemi26]

only thing you can do is ..straight up ask her for the reason why she won't change it, if she can't give you an answer you think is good enough, then its a disaster waiting to happen ..

 

p.s my boyfriend is from liverpool and lfc fan

[liverpool fc]

only thing you can do is ..straight up ask her for the reason why she won't change it, if she can't give you an answer you think is good enough, then its a disaster waiting to happen ..

 

p.s my boyfriend is from liverpool and lfc fan

 

thanks i will ask her and find out, good to see

[creighton0123]

Sadly, you might not know where you two really stand until/if you meet her in person. Have you considered what a long distance relationship at your age really means? Do you feel it is something that could ever work out given that you're both so young and haven't yet decided where you'll be headed in life?

[liverpool fc]

Sadly, you might not know where you two really stand until/if you meet her in person. Have you considered what a long distance relationship at your age really means? Do you feel it is something that could ever work out given that you're both so young and haven't yet decided where you'll be headed in life?

 

 

yes it is difficult, well i havent really had a long distance relationship like this, she turns 15 in march and she has told me about her past and has not had success with guys so im not sure what her aims are but me and her have spoken about april and i know that is ages away considering its january and me and her have nearly been together for 2 weeks. i do recognize the fact that there will be challanges eg when we both dont have phone credit or the affect of school and time zones but i have told her what to expect in a way with school and etc and she understands. i have made this my priority to not ask her about other guys so jealousy doesnt come into play that much and she has not asked about me that much about my friends and who i talk to.

[folieadeux]

I second that as well; you really need to meet in person first before you invest so much into this. I think you also have to keep in mind that, at 14/15, she may not be able to sustain an LDR. Most kids at this age aren't in the position to make visits and communicate as often as is needed to maintain a healthy relationship spanning different countries and timezones. Just something to think about too, when you turn 18 and she's still underage, that may present a whole different issue depending on what the laws are in your respective countries.

[Faded_x]

Just something to think about too, when you turn 18 and she's still underage, that may present a whole different issue depending on what the laws are in your respective countries.

 

This is an important one, given it's illegal for an 18 year old to be "with" someone under 16 in Australia.

 

I am not here to tell you what you're doing is wrong; but like others have said, be careful and really think this over. While you do have possible plans in April; have you thought much more beyond that? At 14/15, she probably won't be able to fly out to visit you for awhile yet, even if she had the means. Do you think you'd be able to go over there often enough to sustain the relationship? Would you have the time/money?

 

Like I said, I'm not here to tell you what to do. I (and everyone else here) just know how difficult a LDR is at the best of times, let alone when you're young. I was pretty much 19 when I first started mine, and even though it's not a cross-continental relationship (we both live in the same country) and we're both a little older and independent of our parents, it's still pretty difficult to maintain at times. LDR's are a lot of work, and need some serious thought before going into it. Good luck .

[liverpool fc]

This is an important one, given it's illegal for an 18 year old to be "with" someone under 16 in Australia.

 

I am not here to tell you what you're doing is wrong; but like others have said, be careful and really think this over. While you do have possible plans in April; have you thought much more beyond that? At 14/15, she probably won't be able to fly out to visit you for awhile yet, even if she had the means. Do you think you'd be able to go over there often enough to sustain the relationship? Would you have the time/money?

 

Like I said, I'm not here to tell you what to do. I (and everyone else here) just know how difficult a LDR is at the best of times, let alone when you're young. I was pretty much 19 when I first started mine, and even though it's not a cross-continental relationship (we both live in the same country) and we're both a little older and independent of our parents, it's still pretty difficult to maintain at times. LDR's are a lot of work, and need some serious thought before going into it. Good luck .

 

 

i actually have not thought about the age difference but i will try to keep that in mind. i have been stressing about what would happen after april but im too scared to ask her because im not sure what would happen if i did. well possibly once every 3-6 months but it depends. its ok im here to get people's opinions on this and advice it is complicated stuff LDR i agree, thanks

[liverpool fc]

I second that as well; you really need to meet in person first before you invest so much into this. I think you also have to keep in mind that, at 14/15, she may not be able to sustain an LDR. Most kids at this age aren't in the position to make visits and communicate as often as is needed to maintain a healthy relationship spanning different countries and timezones. Just something to think about too, when you turn 18 and she's still underage, that may present a whole different issue depending on what the laws are in your respective countries.

 

im not really sure myself if she does have the mental capacity at her age to tell herself to be strong and all that, the timezone issue is complicated but we are both staying up till 6-7am to talk to each other and things seem good for now on that, shes gone back to school today though and i go back in a month and i have told her that and she seems to be fine with that. i will have to talk to her about the age difference

[creighton0123]

yes it is difficult, well i havent really had a long distance relationship like this, she turns 15 in march and she has told me about her past and has not had success with guys so im not sure what her aims are but me and her have spoken about april and i know that is ages away considering its january and me and her have nearly been together for 2 weeks. i do recognize the fact that there will be challanges eg when we both dont have phone credit or the affect of school and time zones but i have told her what to expect in a way with school and etc and she understands. i have made this my priority to not ask her about other guys so jealousy doesnt come into play that much and she has not asked about me that much about my friends and who i talk to.

 

Young man, I might be perfectly honest. I find it extremely - and I mean EXTREMELY rare for those of our generation to have met while still in high/grade school (whatever it may be called in both of your countries) and have it work out. You're 17. She's 15. You're both from opposite sides of the globe - you have a year left of high school and she has 3 (or 4) years left. I take it you'll both be going to college or pursuing some vocation.

 

Now I'm not insulting this girl in any way, shape, or form - I don't know her enough... but if you were my nephew or younger cousin, I would tell you that you should live and experience life. Go out on dates, kiss women, and have some fun.

 

Do you see this as something that can last as a long distance relationship perhaps for the next six years? While April is not that far away (trust me... April will be here in the blink of an eye), six years is a significant amount of time for any couple to be more or less apart.

 

On top of that, you are both from different countries and, outside of student and vacation visas, you won't have an opportunity to spend any great length of time with one another.

 

You wrote "over here in australia i cant find the right type of girl, most of them here like to move around a bit and i want a peacefull girl but have not been able to find that here".

 

Australia is a pretty big place. While you may not have found someone your age that you're interested in dating, I'd say that the right girl is out there. Truth be told, outside of some stories on here, I've never heard of a successful long distance relationship that didn't have one of two factors:

 

1. Having met in person first and/or on a regular basis or having spent time together prior to separation.

2. Having a set-in-stone time in the future and plan for when the distance will end.

 

You may want to consider not if this girl is right for you, but if this situation you're in is right for both of you.

[Faded_x]

i have been stressing about what would happen after april but im too scared to ask her because im not sure what would happen if i did.

 

One of the most important things in LDR's is communication. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her about serious things now; what do you think is going to happen further down the track? It's a good idea to have discussed what happens after you meet. Perhaps the two of you will discover you're better off as friends, or maybe you'll find you want to keep up a relationship. Have an idea of what will happen either way; particularly if you decide to have a relationship. It's important to make possible plans on how you can maintain the relationship, and continue meeting up. Look at things like who would do the travelling, where the money would come from, where they'd stay, how often you could see each other, whether your schedules would match, etc. I say this because I know of a couple who met while one was travelling abroad. They decided to get into a relationship and put a lot of time and energy into each other as a couple once the other went home, and then realised after becoming attached that it would be next to impossible for them to ever meet up in a number of years (due to a number of reasons). I know you've already pretty much got an idea for the first meet; but make sure there's a possibility for others too. You don't want either of yoy forming a major attachment, if you then realise it can't work out for whatever reason.

 

[liverpool fc]

Young man, I might be perfectly honest. I find it extremely - and I mean EXTREMELY rare for those of our generation to have met while still in high/grade school (whatever it may be called in both of your countries) and have it work out. You're 17. She's 15. You're both from opposite sides of the globe - you have a year left of high school and she has 3 (or 4) years left. I take it you'll both be going to college or pursuing some vocation.

 

Now I'm not insulting this girl in any way, shape, or form - I don't know her enough... but if you were my nephew or younger cousin, I would tell you that you should live and experience life. Go out on dates, kiss women, and have some fun.

 

Do you see this as something that can last as a long distance relationship perhaps for the next six years? While April is not that far away (trust me... April will be here in the blink of an eye), six years is a significant amount of time for any couple to be more or less apart.

 

On top of that, you are both from different countries and, outside of student and vacation visas, you won't have an opportunity to spend any great length of time with one another.

 

You wrote "over here in australia i cant find the right type of girl, most of them here like to move around a bit and i want a peacefull girl but have not been able to find that here".

 

Australia is a pretty big place. While you may not have found someone your age that you're interested in dating, I'd say that the right girl is out there. Truth be told, outside of some stories on here, I've never heard of a successful long distance relationship that didn't have one of two factors:

 

1. Having met in person first and/or on a regular basis or having spent time together prior to separation.

2. Having a set-in-stone time in the future and plan for when the distance will end.

 

You may want to consider not if this girl is right for you, but if this situation you're in is right for both of you.

 

yes we do both have our own future aspirations after talking about them, well it does look tricky but i know my stuff will take 3 years and there would be a vacation every few months because my family can afford it. it is a big place i must admit myself but my mother wishes i dont go out at night because she is scared for my safety (i get sick of her saying this but im not sure what would happen between me and my mother if i did that) does seem like that situation has arisen between me and her.

 

 

One of the most important things in LDR's is communication. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her about serious things now; what do you think is going to happen further down the track? It's a good idea to have discussed what happens after you meet. Perhaps the two of you will discover you're better off as friends, or maybe you'll find you want to keep up a relationship. Have an idea of what will happen either way; particularly if you decide to have a relationship. It's important to make possible plans on how you can maintain the relationship, and continue meeting up. Look at things like who would do the travelling, where the money would come from, where they'd stay, how often you could see each other, whether your schedules would match, etc. I say this because I know of a couple who met while one was travelling abroad. They decided to get into a relationship and put a lot of time and energy into each other as a couple once the other went home, and then realised after becoming attached that it would be next to impossible for them to ever meet up in a number of years (due to a number of reasons). I know you've already pretty much got an idea for the first meet; but make sure there's a possibility for others too. You don't want either of yoy forming a major attachment, if you then realise it can't work out for whatever reason.

 

 

 

seeing that sort of makes me want to ask her in april. i do feel comfortable about nearly everything though, i think i would be able to go to england around the end of the year again possibly