justaname Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 we've had the self-control to not let things turn exactly physical. we'll stay touching/holding for hours but won't let it turn into a kiss. the emotions are crazy, though. i've dated other people but they feel wrong comparatively; even the other ones i've been in love with, years ago, didn't feel as right. i keep reading that everyone seems to feel that way when they're in a similar situation, whether things are just emotional or both emotional and physical. and i know we're genuinely close, but maybe part of feeling so amazingly connected is that we're going through this heavy s**t together? thoughts?
half_ofa_heart Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 we've had the self-control to not let things turn exactly physical. we'll stay touching/holding for hours but won't let it turn into a kiss. the emotions are crazy, though. i've dated other people but they feel wrong comparatively; even the other ones i've been in love with, years ago, didn't feel as right. i keep reading that everyone seems to feel that way when they're in a similar situation, whether things are just emotional or both emotional and physical. and i know we're genuinely close, but maybe part of feeling so amazingly connected is that we're going through this heavy s**t together? thoughts? RUN - DON'T WALK - RUN in the other direction! Not sure if you are single or married but the pain you will endure as well as the pain you will inflict on others is not worth this connection you are feeling now. Once you turn that corner - you will believe it is worth it but you will lose sight of yourself. It's a DARK DARK road you are heading down. It's emotional Heroine and almost impossible to get out of. At least that's how I feel. One thread that really opened my eyes was about stating what about the other person did you LOVE? All the OW (myself included) wrote about how that person made them feel as opposed to personal traits. So, I beg you, seriously think about that and write down what about HIM do you find so wonderful.
Gfkr2 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) we've had the self-control to not let things turn exactly physical. we'll stay touching/holding for hours but won't let it turn into a kiss. the emotions are crazy, though. i've dated other people but they feel wrong comparatively; even the other ones i've been in love with, years ago, didn't feel as right. i keep reading that everyone seems to feel that way when they're in a similar situation, whether things are just emotional or both emotional and physical. and i know we're genuinely close, but maybe part of feeling so amazingly connected is that we're going through this heavy s**t together? thoughts? You didn't say how long you have been together. In my case, I built an incredible emotional bond with the MW before our A turned physical. We were genuinely close, too, having known eachother for 9 years as friends. Over the past 2 years we shared several wonderful expereinces and personal successes together that our spouses were not involved in. We established a powerful friendship, respect and admiration for each other before things turned physical. I have to say growing our emotional intimacy made the physical part of the A soooo much better. I wouldn't change a thing looking back, except have the courage to leave my M earlier. Edited January 5, 2011 by Gfkr2
Author justaname Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) One thread that really opened my eyes was about stating what about the other person did you LOVE? All the OW (myself included) wrote about how that person made them feel as opposed to personal traits. So, I beg you, seriously think about that and write down what about HER do you find so wonderful. i could answer that question with pages, and very little of it would be self-centered. i'm not going to do it here, but just know that i could. and could have done that well before all of this started. there are a ton of people i could have actual relationships with; why would i bother with something like this? i'm a guy, but i doubt it's a gender issue. more evidence that this is something different. You didn't say how long you have been together. In my case, I built an incredible emotional bond with the MW before our A turned physical. we've been friends for a while. the emotions are newer, though. Edited January 5, 2011 by justaname
half_ofa_heart Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 i could answer that question with pages, and very little of it would be self-centered. i'm not going to do it here, but just know that i could. and could have done that well before all of this started. there are a ton of people i could have actual relationships with; why would i bother with something like this? i'm a guy, but i doubt it's a gender issue. more evidence that this is something different. I didn't mean any harm with my post and apologize if it came across that way. I just personally have suffered a lot because of my A and if I can help or prevent someone else from going down that road, then it might have been worth it. My point with my post was to try and have you look at the bigger picture if that's at all possible. Sometimes when we are "in love" that's the hardest thing to do. Good Luck to you!
flowergirl77 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 RUN - DON'T WALK - RUN in the other direction! Not sure if you are single or married but the pain you will endure as well as the pain you will inflict on others is not worth this connection you are feeling now. Once you turn that corner - you will believe it is worth it but you will lose sight of yourself. It's a DARK DARK road you are heading down. It's emotional Heroine and almost impossible to get out of. At least that's how I feel. One thread that really opened my eyes was about stating what about the other person did you LOVE? All the OW (myself included) wrote about how that person made them feel as opposed to personal traits. So, I beg you, seriously think about that and write down what about HIM do you find so wonderful. So true...if I had let things get physical in any way-I'd have been a goner for sure. Great post HOAH! It IS truly about how the OP makes you FEEL..that is how you get into trouble!! Could be someone that has nothing going for them-but they make you feel like you need nothing else when you are with them. It is a very, very, dark road. I am still trying to find my way back....
half_ofa_heart Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 So true...if I had let things get physical in any way-I'd have been a goner for sure. Great post HOAH! It IS truly about how the OP makes you FEEL..that is how you get into trouble!! Could be someone that has nothing going for them-but they make you feel like you need nothing else when you are with them. It is a very, very, dark road. I am still trying to find my way back.... Been thinking about you lately Flowergirl. See, you didn't turn that corner and it was still painful for you. Hoping you are doing better these days.
Ellin Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 we've had the self-control to not let things turn exactly physical. we'll stay touching/holding for hours but won't let it turn into a kiss. the emotions are crazy, though. i've dated other people but they feel wrong comparatively; even the other ones i've been in love with, years ago, didn't feel as right. i keep reading that everyone seems to feel that way when they're in a similar situation, whether things are just emotional or both emotional and physical. and i know we're genuinely close, but maybe part of feeling so amazingly connected is that we're going through this heavy s**t together? thoughts? Maybe the explanation for the strength of the emotions is that, if it was a R with a single man, you would have acted on them a long time ago, but you don't because you believe it's wrong and trying to control yourselves only increases the intensity of the feelings and the sexual tension. You do not release it, so it keeps building up. But I'm sure in your minds the two of you are doing 'everything' with each other. Just an idea..
Author justaname Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 Maybe the explanation for the strength of the emotions is that, if it was a R with a single man, you would have acted on them a long time ago, but you don't because you believe it's wrong and trying to control yourselves only increases the intensity of the feelings and the sexual tension. You do not release it, so it keeps building up. But I'm sure in your minds the two of you are doing 'everything' with each other. Just an idea.. I think that might be a factor. Also, I'm amused that everyone is assuming I'm female. Guys have feelings too.
Author justaname Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 So true...if I had let things get physical in any way-I'd have been a goner for sure. Great post HOAH! It IS truly about how the OP makes you FEEL..that is how you get into trouble!! Could be someone that has nothing going for them-but they make you feel like you need nothing else when you are with them. It is a very, very, dark road. I am still trying to find my way back.... Any relationship can be about the way the other person makes you feel.
BB07 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Maybe the explanation for the strength of the emotions is that, if it was a R with a single man, you would have acted on them a long time ago, but you don't because you believe it's wrong and trying to control yourselves only increases the intensity of the feelings and the sexual tension. You do not release it, so it keeps building up. But I'm sure in your minds the two of you are doing 'everything' with each other. Just an idea.. Bingo! XMM and I did not consummate our relationship until our 2nd go around several years later and I think it did intensify the feelings of desire, then and later. Of course we all know what a liar and POS he turned out to be but that is neither here nor there.
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