MJ2 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 ^ and is it ever okay to do it? I'm worried I may be settling, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I'm hoping to develop stronger feelings for my bf because he is a great guy.
carhill Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I think it depends on the psychology of the person. People who think relationships can make great settlers because they have a plan. Think of it as a flowchart. People are datapoints on the flowchart getting them to where they want to be. IMO, your admission about wanting to develop greater feelings for your BF leads me to believe you would be dissatisfied with settling. Doing so would ultimately lead to a disconnect and chaos on the flowchart, if you have one. Tell me, what reference point are you using for 'stronger'?
january2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 My off-the-top-of-my-head definition: Accepting something/someone just because it/he/she meets your minimum criteria rather than going for someone/something that/who meets your maximum criteria.
yah Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Everybody settles. We all have "potential" but how could we reach it if we theoretically do not know what our full potential is? Its a matter of where your threshold is / how much you are willing to settle, and that is a personal decision.
carhill Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Yes, in the strictest sense, just by living, we are settling for life. I get the sense that the OP wishes to set a quantifiable/qualifiable boundary for this process specifically wrt an intimate relationship. I hope she gets back regarding what 'stronger' feelings means to her, wrt reference. It sounds like there's more to this story than appears on the page. As an example of perception, of the ladies who have not 'settled' with me over the years but rather put someone with whom they admittedly felt compatibility into the 'friendzone', they overwhelmingly have opined that it was the lack of 'butterflies' which impelled their decision-making process. They set the line at 'butterflies'. They had 'stronger' feelings for other men, even less compatible men, hence their return to the more compatible man for 'support' and 'understanding', neither of which, in them, even with demonstrated love and care, impelled 'butterflies'. OP, any parallels here?
AD1980 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 We all "settle" for what we can get and who will accept us nobodies with their dream person per se What people should think of as "settling" though is being with somebody theye are not in love with but stay with just becasue but settling usually means to people not being with somebody hot enough or who makes enough money or has enough status
Feelin Frisky Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 settling = "putting up" with someone else's crappola rather than facing the unknown. I won't do it-- I'm pretty well acclimated to the unknown:o
OceanGirl Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Settling is NOT being with someone even though you can find someone who is hotter, makes more money etc. Settling IS simply being with someone you are not in love with.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 What is "settling"? "Settling" is something you can't really do unless you have "concerned and caring" friends and/or family to tell/remind you when you are settling. If you're a loner with no friends and no family, then you basically cannot "settle" romantically. (or, rather, can't ever find out about it, which is the same thing) LOL
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