TenAlps Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) Hi, I have had a look on the forum and see similarities with G.I.G.S. but I don't know if there is anything I should be doing. Thank you for reading this. This is the story: I was with my partner for a year and a half - no arguments, never a quiet moment, always had things to talk about. Always left each other love notes and the whole thing was just lovely. We went out loads to restaurants, bars, weekends away. He got kicked out of his house (argument with parents) and moved into my parents house with me. (He is 18, I am 24 - we are both gay). He lost his job. I helped him find a new one. He didn't have many friends before, or go out with anyone other than me on a regular basis. With his new job, he had heaps of new friends his age who all loved going out and inviting him. His new working hours were long and sometimes at different times to mine, but I always made sure we went out and did stuff whenever we could. It wasn't that far off him moving out of the house (to a house share with a random person), so things would have changed regarding the possible stress of him having to live with me soon anyway). He gradually grew distant from me over the course of 2 or 3 weeks before it got to the point where I said 'I love you' and he didn't reply. I asked him what was up and he said he didn't love me in the same way. I asked him if he was breaking up with me (pushed it a little) and he said yes. (This was a day after my birthday, and we were away on holiday. Nice!) After 5 hours or so, I went and found him and we talked a little, then he changed his mind and said he didn't realise what he had until it was gone, and would I go out with him again. I said yes. Everything goes back to normal. A further 2 weeks down the line, and he is distant again. I tell him he is being distant, not all that happy, not appreciating anything I am doing for him and not being intimate. The next day he dumps me again. He leaves that evening and stays at a friends house (one of his new friends). And is now going from sofa to sofa of his new friends (and at one point to a hostel). For Christmas, he had been given theatre tickets by my parents. (For a show he has always wanted to see). I asked him what he wanted to do with the tickets when I saw him the next day (he was collecting clothes). He said he would still very much like me to go with him. Unable to decide if this was a good idea, I decided I should take him (even paying for the train there and ice cream). The whole thing went fine, and we chatted away like things were fine (except no hand holding or saying I love you obv). It was really hard for me emotionally. On the way back I asked why we didn't try and work it out 'there was nothing to work out' he said. I replied saying had he thought when it started 'when I started my new job' he said. I said to him that it might have been possible that he got really into his new job and new friends and going out lots, and that changed how he saw me, or just distracted him. He said 'that is a good point, and what you are saying makes sense... but I am not sure that is it'. He quickly changed the subject (didn't want to get into deep stuff after a nice night out). I dropped it. The next day or so he loses his job. It is also likely he may drop out of his evening class (as has no money to get there, and I often helped him with the work and motivated him). He will also lose the house share, as he has no income. It turns out he had been telling people he was kicked out of my house 'even though I had 2 spare bedrooms'. It hurt a little, and upset my family who supported him, but I guess he did this just to get sympathy and help. (who would help somebody who just walked out of somebody's life who loved them deeply, helped them with anything they wanted help with and paid for everything they ever needed). A couple of days later, he sends me a text message asking how I am and saying he wants to be friends, is sorry for hurting me and how being homeless sucks and he hopes I am ok. I just replied saying 'I am ok, was back at work today xx' which doesn't really tell him anything because I didn't want to get into a text convo. It really upset me to hear from him because I miss him so much. He clearly has no interest in being back with me just for somewhere to live, even though his situation is terrible (which is good because I wouldn't just want to be used). I have a suspicion the reason he left me and changed his feelings so fast were the new job+friends and he felt like he was missing out on something, and he must have come to the conclusion that I had to be ditched for him to do that. (Obviously not true in reality, I supported him with whatever he wanted to do, and had no issue at all with him going out with his new friends). I am having a hard time coming to terms with it, because it was so sudden, and he threw away everything for nothing, seemingly on a whim. We got on so great, and before his new job, we had both been planning our lives together long term. The most upsetting thing is he actually said to me 'I know I won't find anyone else like you' when we broke up. Not that it is really my problem any more, but I fear times will get tougher for him - his new friends may have been fun before christmas (who doesn't go out lots in December) but they may not be what he expected in the near future. Also, they might have been his new best friends, but they hardly know him and their hospitality may dry up as he is going to be a burden on them. He will find it hard to get another job. Any thoughts or suggestions would be great. Thanks again for reading. Edited January 5, 2011 by TenAlps
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