hitbyatruck Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 In the last week or so I have felt an emotional change from within - almost a lightening of my spirit. I have done nothing differently to bring about this change. There have still been one or two grey clouds but on the whole I feel as though I have broken through a barrier. I even had the desire (and the nerve) to go through some old CDs of pics - our first apartment, overseas holidays, family gatherings, parties, etc. - some photos dating back over a decade that I hadn't looked at in many years and I didn't feel overly emotional doing so, just happy that things were once great between us. It has been over 9 months since D-Day and 3 months since reconciliation failed. I don't believe time heals all wounds, just that acceptance takes time. If you don't allow it, you could go to your grave without accepting the events in life that are challenging. Forgiveness is another matter. If all I am left with from our relationship (aside from our child) are memories of the good times then I will be content with that. With time comes perspective and in turn, better judgement.
SimonSerenade Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 That's quite a turning point there buddy, I feel I've gone through the same, Just one day woke up and accepted the situation at hand and the chance of me and her being together again is pretty much in the ground, I have a child to show for the relationship I was in and some pretty damn good memories I wouldn't trade for anything in the world, I'm not happy without her but I'm content, The pain is gone, Only sadness and the odd thought of her remains and thats enough for me to carry on day by day, Time and space gives you the ability to let go and wish them the best in life and I feel I've done just that so I'm at peace with myself now, I've taken every little piece of **** this world can throw at me and I'm still here and I'm still standing strong, If anything, I can be proud of myself for that.
Author hitbyatruck Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 And then today I get two phonecalls - both relating to our child. It's nice to hear about his progress on the days I don't have him, but it could have waited or she could have emailed or sent a text. She rarely asks anything personal but after she runs out of kid-related things to say she lingers a bit then I say I'm going - I usually end the conversations. What, does she miss the sound of my voice? Following these 2 calls were numerous text messages to and fro about sorting out shared belongings. Even though she is apparently fully into her new R - new home, new part of town - I feel that she still has the need to remain in contact with me. Seldom does a day go by without some sort of communication so I feel that either she still can't fully let go, or she is getting from me what her new R can't provide - something deeper than what she has chosen. 10 years vs. 9 months I guess. If I ignore her communication then I am accused of ignoring her. Even though she can call me three times in a day, by the last one she will make a point of saying she doesn't want to have to call me again! If she is grumpy when I drop off our son (like anyone, we both can be at times) then she makes a point of saying "I should be glad I don't have to put up with her grumpiness anymore" as if to confirm that she broke us up for my benefit. It is as though she is trying to reaffirm to herself that what she did was ok. This is usually followed by a call to apologise, in fact almost every time I pick up or drop off our son, within 5 minutes of driving off I get a call from her to tell me something (minor) that she had "forgotten" to tell me. I wish I could make sense of it all but I am better off just ignoring it. NC works against the wellbeing of our son. LC appears to be about as L as it is ever going to be, which is practically: DC: Daily Communication. Unhealthy.
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