col182 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Yes, I'm sure there have been many threads on this before, but each person has different circumstances I guess... Anyway, I've been seeing a girl for about 6 weeks now. Things for me, have been going well. She is the same age as me, we actually went to primary school together (but don't remember much of each other), so I asked her out for a drink, and things have gone from there. She is a very independant girl, has a great job, and has almost secured her own house. Trouble is, she calls what we are doing, just dating. We've had some conversation about the whole thing, and she has said she doesn't want to fully commit herself to anything. Problem is, I'm getting attached to her, quite a lot. So, confusion rains, I just don't know where I stand. I don't want to be pushy, and push her away, so I'm just rolling with it. She has told me she likes (though to what degree, I'm not so sure), but has also said she isn't very good at being open at this sort of thing. She has told me she doesn't want to get hurt, but I'm not sure what that means, and from my point of view, neither do I. So, what does this hold for me? I seem to be setting myself up for something bad. I'm almost set on holding back on an emotional level too, I don't want to start telling her things that are really meaningless. Somebody tell me to wise up, and that it will all be fine???? Thanks col182
curlygirl40 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Hi. Well my situation is similar, but I'm the girl in this equation. We have been dating about 6 weeks and I would describe us as 'just dating'. BUT that's because of my hang ups. I'm too afraid to define it. If someone were to ask me if I had a boyfriend I would say no. Even though I'm not dating anyone else and I talk to this guy (text or phone) every day. We see each other about 2x a week. He seems much more into me than I am into him, he has told me he has 'very deep' feelings for me. Scares the crap out of me. But I'm not seeing anyone else. I have no plans of seeing anyone else. I really like him. I can see us together long term. I can even see us falling in love in the future. For me it's just the label. It scares me. I just got out of an 18 year marriage and just don't feel ready to jump into another committed relationship. But really what's the difference? I have told him 'I am not where you are, you will need to wait for me to get there'. Period. So maybe her hang ups are not how she feels about you, but in actually defining it? Once I told the guy I'm dating that he was moving too fast for me, and that I'm not ready, he really did slow things down. And I'm grateful for that because if it just made him come on stronger I would have bailed. And I do like him and I'm having a good time with him. Have you had the 'exclusive' talk with her yet? My advice would be to keep doing what you're doing, as long as you're happy spending time with her. DON'T push. This will definitely back fire on you. So guard your heart, go into this with both eyes open and know that you're risking your heart. Don't invest more than you're willing to lose. It's always harder to be the person who is more interested in the other. But the flip side of this is this. Aren't you always risking your heart? You have no control over what someone else does, you only have control over your reactions to it. Love deeply but also keep your eyes open to the fact that there are 2 people involved and you (and she even) can't 'control' her feelings. Best of luck
Author col182 Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 Thanks a lot for the reply We have had the exclusive chat, we're both seeing each other and nobody else. I would never do that anyway. She has pondered a few times about changing her Facebook status (we dont take that place seriously btw!), so, yea, I guess I know what you mean when you say about defining the situation. It's going to be hard for me to keep my guard, but I know if I want this to work, I need too. We have so much to learn about each other. I need to look at the positives too (something that is very hard for me - I suffer from depression, she knows this and seems to accept me for it). I've spent time with her friends and family, and with mine too, who have said we seem like we've been together longer than we have. She gives me butterflies etc etc I think I just need to relax more
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