Ivy Posted March 18, 2004 Posted March 18, 2004 Hi, I am having troubles getting past my ex. He keeps tormenting me. I try and try to do no contact, but he always ends up breaking the cycle by calling me. (at work, where I cannot screen the calls). Here's a brief lowdown. We were together for 3+ years. he broke up with me last may because he wanted to gain some personal space and think about where our relationship was headed. We got back together in August (while still sleeping together all summer long) and then he broke up with me again in September, saying he wants to date others. I accepted the breakup and moved on (or tried to) we still remained in contact all the way through recently. In November, he told me of his new girlfriend. This broke my heart. He was the one that dumped me, and he is the one that got to be in a new relationship - while I suffered. The, i too - met someone and began a relationship. Which ended shortly after. In January, my ex insisted I read a letter which he wrote to me back in September. It was 8 pages long. It divuldged some intense emotions on his part - he blames himself intirely for things gone wrong. says he still loves me but that I deserve someone better. in Feburary, I wrote him a similar letter and in the end said that I am moving on with my life - but if he ever chooses to be back in it - I will welcome him back. He called to say thank you for the letter. It was good for me because it gave me a bit of closure. there was no contact for nearly a month when he called me at work on Tuesday. He always does this. he demanded to know whether or not the rumours of me moving out of state were true. He then, in a very sneaky and sly way - told me of his recent and future personal social plans with friends, his girlfriend and family. He is still dating her, but had told be in jan that things weren't going well. Things seem to be going well for him now because he mentions that he's going on a trip with her, and that they take weekend getaways often. I used to long for him back and would do anything for him to want me back, but lately, his tormenting and manipulating have got me very angry and hostile, and although he claims we are now friends...I don't want to be. I lie to him about having a boyfriend and what I'm doing. I know I should just tell him to FU** off, but somehow those words are impossible to say at the time he so unexpectidly catches me off guard. Please, I am on the verge of moving to an entirely different state just to get him out of my life. I don't want to have to do this But I feel just so caught up in an ugly circle here.
Fedup&givingup Posted March 18, 2004 Posted March 18, 2004 It's a cycle you are a part of. BOTH of you are playing into this, while being involved with someone else on the side. I don't think moving out of state is going to solve everything. If you want closure, give it. Tell him that you no longer want to have anything to do with him, that you are moving on. Moving away is a little drastic, IMO. Just tell him that you don't want him contacting you, and that you are sorry that you have played into that, that it's over.
FreeMe Posted March 18, 2004 Posted March 18, 2004 Tell him to stop calling you or contacting you in any way. Tell him you have moved on and have no interest in being friends with him. Tell him he needs to get on with his life and stop trying to make you a part of it. Tell him you are over him. I don't know if he gets rude or nasty, but if he does tell him if he doesn't stop contacting you you're going to get in touch with his girlfriend and tell her he's not over you. You can't go moving out of state every time something like this happens.
Author Ivy Posted March 18, 2004 Author Posted March 18, 2004 thanks for your responses. I just don't understand why he is so inquisitive everytime he contacts me. Why can't he just leave me alone. If he now has a new g/f, and supposidly is over me - why is he contacting me? Is it because he still feels guilty about hurting me so many times? well, I intend on telling him that I don't want to be friends. At least not anytime in the next year. I don't think I can handle hearing about his r'ship. Should I email or call him to tell him this, or just wait until the next time he tries calling?
Author Ivy Posted March 18, 2004 Author Posted March 18, 2004 I will destroy him. Ok. Put a whole bunch of rotten tomatoes and green peppers in his car. He despises those vegetables! oh. and he is scared of snakes, too.
dario Posted March 18, 2004 Posted March 18, 2004 I'd call him....summon up all the strength you can muster and just out with, 'xxxx, it's me. I want this to be the last telephone conversation we have for a long time. I wish the best for you...and hope you do of me.' Click. Or Yeah, you can use UCFKEVIN and do the Al Pacino thing: 'You know what? I'm talking into a dead telephone. Cause there's a dead man on the other side!' Um, the former over the latter methinks!
Stella Blue Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 Why do people do that? After being tormented by a breakup, why do (in my case, men) continue to contact and make sure "they still have a chance?" - even if they don't want a reconciliation? I've told my exboyfriend - no, BEGGED him, to please not contact me until the situation was where we could work on our relationship with a clean slate. Never happens.
from ND Posted March 20, 2004 Posted March 20, 2004 I DID leave the state, and its better now. By staying in my hometown with my x psycho, she woulda never let things die, she cheated and i told her if she ever did, I would leave her. at least i stuck to my end of the bargain. I view it as her loss not mine, i went from a town of 13,000 to a city of 2 million, she probably thinks im a little extreme, but i hit her right in the heart by cutting myself completely out of the picture. shes called a few times, on my voicemail, but i wrote her a letter saying I am NEVER coming back, i MEAN it too, she can live with what she did, I think she regrets it now, though she plays it off, like it never hurt her, ususally someone who is angry is hurting on the inside. I took the conrol away from her and she knows it. thats why she is being hostile
faux Posted March 20, 2004 Posted March 20, 2004 If you cannot tell your ex that you do not want any further contact from him, that you wish to have NOTHING to do with him, and that he is bothering you, how can you assume that he knows these things? TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. Be honest. Be blunt. Be brutal. Then just walk away. Never be afraid of your feelings. Lack of communication makes things go badly during relationships, and especially after break-ups. I do think that your ex treated you wrong. I do think, however, that you should tell him exactly what you are thinking, and not be afraid of it. It is going to save you trouble in the long-run. I loved someone once, who broke up with me. She said we should try to be friends, but she really did not want to speak to me ever again. Even calling her once a week to say "hello" drove her nuts, but she never told me. Please, please tell him how you really feel or there is going to be a whole lot of trouble. Just... trust me on that. People are going to get hurt, and the misunderstanding and lack of communication may very well take this problem to heights you may not be able to handle. If you tell him now you can nip this thing in the butt while it is still just a nuisance. You have no need to protect him because you feel you will offend him by what you have to say. If you are threatened, upset, or even just irritated he is never going to realize this unless you say so. After reading through this one more time... I think this guy has issues. He broke up with you, mistreated you, and is stil hanging on as if he is obsessed with you somehow. Maybe he is a control freak? Tell him how you feel, clearly that you want no more contact and he's driving you nuts. If you feel the need to, bring up the fact that you have every legal right to get the police involved. I don't think this guy would want to have his neighbors see him being served a TRO in his front yard.
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