Temporary Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 OMG. I am the biggest idiot ever. Can someone please give me a virtual slap in the face??? HARD!! I quit my career last year, people think I'm crazy. They don't realize, I have this deep desire to be free from work and career so I can find LOVE. That is, not just date around, not just take what comes... but seek out THE ONE that "I" want, which I've never done. I've always p***sied out. I took what came. And tonight, at the coffee shop, there she was...... OMG, totally gorgeous. She saw it was just me and one other person in there, came in to buy her coffee, I could totally tell she glanced, but I made no move so she just left. Any poker players here? Well, you know how you been waiting, and waiting, and waiting, for a straight flush or some totally unbeatable hand, and hope that the other person gets fooled and goes all in??? Then you immediately call and the timing is just right and everything?? Well, I got there, but after he called, I folded. Why? Because, I am stupid. That is why. So again, I repeat, Kick me in the head, with your work boots on. Really stomp on it...
TaraMaiden Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Oh good grief......*Slaps head* Just what the girl of your dreams wants - a guy with no prospects, no job, no career no money, but who's been waiting just for her.... What convinces you this woman was the one? based on one throw away glance? Is she married? Engaged? With someone? the mother of any kids? Does she drive? What job does she do? Religious, or not? Own or rent? Local or from out of town? This should be good.....
Author Temporary Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 None of that lol. I'm just saying... yes, at first glance.. she's the one I should've ran up to with a big smile and said ANYTHING. Not saying she was the one.. but, she was THE one I should have gone up to. As far as, me building up the perfect scenario... being alone, in a coffee shop, and it was HER who came in. Guess you just had to see her. And know me. Then maybe you'd see why I'm so irked
TaraMaiden Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I'm sorry. You need to get a life. Really. Then maybe you'll have something to show for all of this angst. But to abandon everything simply to look for love, is nothing short of totally insane. Because when you find it - what then? What's your back-up plan? You MUST have a back-up plan, surely? When you find your perfect Love - well, have you cruised this forum? have you seen how many men and women thought they'd found the perfect love, their soulmate? What is so important about finding something that can never bring you fulfilment, happiness and lasting contentment? The only person who can do that, is you. Not some Significant Other. Nobody NEEDS somebody else. It's one thing to want it, but you've made it your primary focus, intent and need. This is some ridiculous cr*p you're talking, you know that, right?
Eeyore79 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 You really need to get back into your career, or else when you finally meet your dream girl she will probably reject you outright. If a guy was unemployed it would be an instant deal breaker for me. Few girls will want to date you if you don't have a decent career.
TaraMaiden Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Sure....."I quit my work and career so I could wait for you"...would certainly have some sweet innocent romantically-minded teenager swooning at your feet. The more mature woman who's got her own life in some kind of order will simply think you're a total bonehead. THAT'S the kind of 'Virtual slap' you need.
TaraMaiden Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I just read your first post to my 16-year-old step-son. He laughed, and said "what a dick!" Now, if a guy this age thinks that about you - consider what a more mature, elegant, well-collected young lady is going to think. See? You need to think this one out again.
shayan Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 hi temporary, one time I was playing piano at college and there was this gorgeous redhead. Tall too. Well, this was when I was more timid and didn't approach girls I liked. I wen't into another room and she smiled at me as we crossed and said hi. In the other room by the time I had gathered the courage to approach her and went back to the hallway she was gone. I never saw her again... It happens, but that's not to say I haven't met and dated several women since her. Don't get so caught up on any one girl it's really stupid learn to dettach yourself from small details like that. But seriously I think your calling to leave your job may be just what you needed, sometimes quitting and change is exactly what we need. But I suggest you take this time to really love yourself and build yourself and find something you do want to do with your life. there is a post I wrote called for those looking for love, you should take a look at it.
Author Temporary Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 Tara.... there's this thing called sarcasm. Look it up.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Hey there, Welcome to the adult world of missed opportunities That isn't a diss to you by any means, it is just that I have realized in my 28 grand years that when you get here to adulthood, you shouldn't bother about missing an opportunity. You are going to miss dozens of them, easily, and it is just part of life. Did you learn anything from missing this one? It seems so. Now what the other ladies in the thread have pointed out is that you may be missing out on different opportunities to build yourself up in life. As for whether or not quitting your job to look for love would appeal to some women is not relevant. What is relevant is that the more you build yourself up physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually and financially in balanced measure the more your chances of being a good partner and finding a good partner will happen. Perhaps you will be in a better location then a coffee shop to meet her. Maybe you will be on a cruise or a flight, maybe you will be studying at your post-secondary school. Somewhere where you are enjoying yourself or improving yourself. The best way to find an acceptable long-term mate to love is to be making sure that you are a work in progress and that you present the best of yourself in an authentic way. This doesn't mean you need (or should have) a high-powered job and flash the coin around (in fact that would be counter-productive). But to help, it would probably be best to be contributing in some way. If you are independently wealthy enough to take some time off of work, perhaps volunteering and giving your time would be beneficial to you and those you would serve. It would also increase your odds of finding a special someone who gives from the heart and thinks of others. Good luck. Cut out the swearing, it's bad for you
Author Temporary Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 Hey there, Welcome to the adult world of missed opportunities That isn't a diss to you by any means, it is just that I have realized in my 28 grand years that when you get here to adulthood, you shouldn't bother about missing an opportunity. You are going to miss dozens of them, easily, and it is just part of life. Did you learn anything from missing this one? It seems so. Now what the other ladies in the thread have pointed out is that you may be missing out on different opportunities to build yourself up in life. As for whether or not quitting your job to look for love would appeal to some women is not relevant. What is relevant is that the more you build yourself up physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually and financially in balanced measure the more your chances of being a good partner and finding a good partner will happen. Perhaps you will be in a better location then a coffee shop to meet her. Maybe you will be on a cruise or a flight, maybe you will be studying at your post-secondary school. Somewhere where you are enjoying yourself or improving yourself. The best way to find an acceptable long-term mate to love is to be making sure that you are a work in progress and that you present the best of yourself in an authentic way. This doesn't mean you need (or should have) a high-powered job and flash the coin around (in fact that would be counter-productive). But to help, it would probably be best to be contributing in some way. If you are independently wealthy enough to take some time off of work, perhaps volunteering and giving your time would be beneficial to you and those you would serve. It would also increase your odds of finding a special someone who gives from the heart and thinks of others. Good luck. Cut out the swearing, it's bad for you Thank you, for that well thought out, pleasant, response Why does everyone assume I am some lifeless person who doesn't work on myself?? All that from my one crazy sarcastic post??? That post is like 0.000001% of my existence. I am 100% fine with myself. But THAT is why I quit. Because, a career was actually the thing TAKING AWAY all that I have built up for myself. The things I built up for myself have zero to do with career. I have passions.... and want to eventually have a job that is something I love, not something I do cause rent or mortgage needs to be paid and what not. I quit because I think I'm smart enough to do something on my own, I been out here in Cali my whole life and I love all my friends I had and ya know what?? None of us have a 'career'. We 'work', sure, but we're not like career people. You know all that stuff you see on TV? Well, we think it's stupid. Because, out here we just DO that stuff since we were kids. I know people who just live with each other, we all have family here, we're not like the people who come here from far away and career is that main thing that seems to justify their existence. I respect those who do, but, I feel we're just kids from LA who live for life, not for career. I think Tara over there is the exact reason why all of us hate 99% of society. Or what we call 'the man'. The 'system'. I was that one person who got a college degree. ALL my friends had to hustle, find odd jobs.. nothing you'd label a 'career'. They all got married to the girls who don't really care for men with careers. In fact, they kinda don't like them. They find them all the same and souless, kinda like Tara. (Sorry, she started it. She didn't know who she's messing with) And our girls are, well they're kinda cute. And fun. There's something different about their voice. I'm sure you're aiite...dreaming, but Tara... gosh, no comment. See, we don't do things like read posts from strangers and then READ IT TO OUR KIDS. Instead, we take our kids to eat and play and we throw BBQ's and everyone out here has been doing that for generations... but maybe that's just a thing when you're in Los Angeles.... Career is not like what it is to people like Tara. We find that lifeless and rather a meaningless way to live life?? For us, it's about family. It's about our city.... and our city is LA..... so, career doesn't mean much. Sure, it's "safe", it get's you nice iPhones and keeps you sorta 'up to date' in the world. But, from my experience, I look at all my poor, broke friends who married each other, and if you ever have had friends and family and wives and husbands who all stuck together since 20 years ago and things haven't changed because things were always good, well... I see that. And I see 'career' as having taken that away from me. So I quit. And I'm rejoining my peeps once again.... And I must say, I'm actually LAUGHING once again... like, gut wrenching cracking the F** up (with cussing) and all I got to say is.... It's people like Tara who I met in these 'careers' that made me realize how much I don't need it. I used to be a kid driving around downtown looking up in those skyscrapers thinking how cool it'd be to be up there... "Up there"... really is a metaphor for what it is... Because, "down here" is where all the life really is.... BTW, I'm sorry for any disrespect. That is actually NOT who I am. I am simply frustrated, because... So much of what I knew was really "good" about life, seems to be gone today. I do blame it on this mass media and internet and globalization, but realize it is evolution. But what we had, in our little world years ago.. we all miss, and I think I speak on behalf of MANY folks out here, who are really really pissed off about how this world is today. Careers, big business, corporatization, has taken all the good and just massed marketed it..... and now, no more quality, just quantity. I worked in the tech biz, the entertainment biz, was making quite a bit of dinero.... and yes, I GAVE IT UP because... well, I like to stick to my beliefs. What lot of people don't do. So, who's the one needing a life??? Me, or a mother who needs to read posts online and have her 16 year old son laugh at it??? I wonder....
Els Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Oh come now, OP. Your opening post said you 'quit your career to find love'. You did not state you did it to work on yourself. Sorry, but we can't read your mind. Our impressions of you are solely based on what YOU say about yourself. Misrepresent yourself, and you will be misjudged.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Thank you, for that well thought out, pleasant, response You should know that this face: Means sarcasm. I used it at the end of my post to mention the swearing. If you were to ever look at some of my posts, they contain foul language. I assume you were trying to use this face: Why does everyone assume I am some lifeless person who doesn't work on myself?? All that from my one crazy sarcastic post??? I would have thought by you saying that you left your career that meant that you weren't working, often the two words get used interchangeably (sp?-tired) and as someone who has worked for some periods and drifted for others, I would recommend working to keep oneself properly managed, that doesn't mean breaking your back over it. It just means not becoming apathetic about things like working. Sometimes not having a job to tether you can lead to a lack of direction and sometimes depression. I would say not keeping a certain set of tasks that are somewhat beyond your own self would present a risk factor for one's mental health. That is simply why I mentioned keeping things in balance. Personally, I didn't think you were lifeless etc. I wouldn't judge you if you were. In my triumphant youth I quit everything and decided I was going to walk to Vancouver from Calgary. I had $400 and a tent. I figured I would lose a ton of weight and achieve something very weird that I could take pride in. I gave up on the "walk" part by the time I hit Vernon area. I didn't find myself per se. But I did meet my husband. We travelled to Tofino BC and then up North to the Arctic Circle and to Inuvik. After that we wanted to get out to the East Coast so we got as far as Thunder Bay when the car I purchased with the accident settlement had it's transmission blow out. We ended up moving there for a bit. We weren't balanced, but we did have a lot of fun. Unfortunately it covered our true issues for a long time and made things harder to get through later. Always strive for balance That post is like 0.000001% of my existence. I am 100% fine with myself. (good, few are) But THAT is why I quit. Because, a career was actually the thing TAKING AWAY all that I have built up for myself. The things I built up for myself have zero to do with career. I have passions.... and want to eventually have a job that is something I love, not something I do cause rent or mortgage needs to be paid and what not. Hopefully you have a plan to get there. The sad truth is that often people want something so bad that they would die or kill for it, but they don't ever get there because they don't plan for it step by step, week by week, day by day. It has been so hard at 28 seeing what not planning for my life has done. If you have not started to, I strongly urge you to make a plan for the job you love. Maybe read a book called "Fish" it talks about finding fulfillment is doing a job that you don't necessarily want to be at, especially when it is leading you toward your goal. Even menial jobs can be fulfilling when you are headed in a direction with them. (i.e. saving up to go to school). I quit because I think I'm smart enough to do something on my own, I been out here in Cali my whole life and I love all my friends I had and ya know what?? None of us have a 'career'. We 'work', sure, but we're not like career people. You know all that stuff you see on TV? Well, we think it's stupid. Because, out here we just DO that stuff since we were kids. (I don't have cable, I think it is stupid.) I know people who just live with each other, we all have family here, we're not like the people who come here from far away and career is that main thing that seems to justify their existence. I respect those who do, but, I feel we're just kids from LA who live for life, not for career. (Calgary has a mix like that, it is a very Type A personality place, it is actually somewhat difficult not to get too caught up in it. Fortunately it is also a great place to raise kids and grow a business. It is strictly a utilitarian city though. Not much beautiful to look at or feel connected to, I miss Ottawa a lot, but it is less friendly). I think Tara over there is the exact reason why all of us hate 99% of society. (Unfortunately you have made the same error that you accuse Tara of making, you have judged her by a very limited number of posts. You have placed her in a little text box and labelled her. Although labels can be useful (every tried cooking without knowing what spices you were using?) you have done yourself and Tara a disservice by mis-labelling her. As someone who posts on here regularly I have not always found her full of empathy per se, but what I have seen is that she has often thought deeply about responses and often gotten posters to think about what they are doing in ways that other responders have not. I would say that for the most part, I quite respect her. Even though you may have found these sampling of posts not to your liking, I think that she has many insights that we both could learn from). Or what we call 'the man'. The 'system'.( Tara is not the conventional system, I assure you) I was that one person who got a college degree. ALL my friends had to hustle, find odd jobs.. nothing you'd label a 'career'. They all got married to the girls who don't really care for men with careers. In fact, they kinda don't like them. They find them all the same and souless, I can kind of see that, but really different priorities make different mindsets. kinda like Tara. (Sorry, she started it. She didn't know who she's messing with) (Quite frankly she is pretty centered, I don't think the reactivity will change her perspective.) And our girls are, well they're kinda cute. And fun. There's something different about their voice. (Probably freer, and of course to you, those types of girls are home.) I'm sure you're aiite...dreaming,(thank you) but Tara... gosh, no comment. See, we don't do things like read posts from strangers and then READ IT TO OUR KIDS. ( I am sure some California native in the history of the internet has done this ) Instead, we take our kids to eat and play and we throw BBQ's and everyone out here has been doing that for generations... but maybe that's just a thing when you're in Los Angeles....(Sounds like a life to aim for) Career is not like what it is to people like Tara. (?) We find that lifeless and rather a meaningless way to live life?? (Perhaps using your college degree you can start your own business. Make sure you research the Hell out of it first through, not just the work, but running a business. There are certain freedoms that allow you to socialize, set your own schedule to a degree and specialize in what you wish as long as there is a demand for it.) For us, it's about family. It's about our city.... and our city is LA..... so, career doesn't mean much. Career need not be anti-family, both can be reconciled, it would just have to be the right career. I know quite a few teachers whose field gives them quite an edge in income and family for example. Sure, it's "safe", it get's you nice iPhones and keeps you sorta 'up to date' in the world. (I admit that I have no preference for that either, in fact the laptop I am on is missing literally 14 keys and I still can't part with it. My daughter likes to pretend to type and she pulls them off. I was pretty upset when she pulled the 'x' key because loveshack has so many posts about exes.) But, from my experience, I look at all my poor, broke friends who married each other, and if you ever have had friends and family and wives and husbands who all stuck together since 20 years ago and things haven't changed because things were always good, well... I see that. That is what I want too, just with a little less stress and a little more opportunity for my kid And I see 'career' as having taken that away from me. So I quit. And I'm rejoining my peeps once again.... And I must say, I'm actually LAUGHING once again... like, gut wrenching cracking the F** up (with cussing) and all I got to say is.... keep a plan and keep your friends and values and you should do fine. It seems that you quit your job for more reasons then "to find love" that would have been easier to respond to. It's people like Tara who I met in these 'careers' that made me realize how much I don't need it.(?) I used to be a kid driving around downtown looking up in those skyscrapers thinking how cool it'd be to be up there... "Up there"... really is a metaphor for what it is... Because, "down here" is where all the life really is.... BTW, I'm sorry for any disrespect. That is actually NOT who I am. I am simply frustrated, because... So much of what I knew was really "good" about life, seems to be gone today. (as true as that may be, your frustration lies with that and not a single person's voice that you have ripped on quite a bit). I do blame it on this mass media and internet and globalization, but realize it is evolution. But what we had, in our little world years ago.. we all miss, and I think I speak on behalf of MANY folks out here, who are really really pissed off about how this world is today. Agreed, I really hate the tablet readers, I hate the fact that they will probably make books slowly obsolete, hardcovers and paperbacks, it makes me almost want to cry. Careers, big business, corporatization, has taken all the good and just massed marketed it..... and now, no more quality, just quantity. And very pervasive quantity at that, you can barely get any silence. I am so glad that I don't have tv! We do download occasionally though, no commercials! I worked in the tech biz, the entertainment biz, was making quite a bit of dinero.... and yes, I GAVE IT UP because... well, I like to stick to my beliefs. What lot of people don't do. (That's good) So, who's the one needing a life??? (*sigh* me and some vacation time while you are at it!) Me, or a mother who needs to read posts online and have her 16 year old son laugh at it??? (Are you in a competition?) I wonder.... OP relax and enjoy, no one is making you go back to your high-powered career. Find your girl, keep at work, smile, plan and things will most likely work out.
TaraMaiden Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) I would pick out the pertinent points and quote but frankly, it's boring. So I'll just do it from memory. All my responses hinged on your first post, and that alone. He's not my son, he's my step-son, and I read it to him specifically to gain the perspective of somebody usually considered less mature and savy. He thought your idea of giving everything up to look for love (which is what it sounded like in your first post ONLY - remember, we had none of the subsequent feedback) was frankly, unworkable. Otherwise, I never share info with anyone. I have a Life. I also have a career. I also have a long-term partner. Seems to have worked for me.... I also have in excess of 6000 posts, (to your current "as-I-type" 11) so really, I think my reputation on this forum, while never completely assured and secure, is relatively safe. In other words, you don't know me very well, so I can understand you taking umbrage, but I only had the first post to go on. If you read it in isolation, it really sounds completely off the wall. And you asked not only for a "virtual slap in the face" but also " Kick me in the head, with your work boots on. Really stomp on it..." I was attempting to oblige. If you then object to that, then it's hard to know what you were therefore expecting. Sarcasm is hard to gauge on the internet, unless other clues are given. Don't you think? Edited January 6, 2011 by TaraMaiden
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